Merri's Tips - Part 6

40. Shape the voice in your head first thing in the morning. Otherwise, you will wine about getting out of bed, forget what you're so good at, procrastinate on using your abilities and forget why your life is so good. Shaping the voice in your head refers to remembering your value, what makes you unique and putting this focus and those skills into use. These are your intrapersonal skills, the communication skills that set the tone for the day and determine your ability to show up in life.

 Lawyers can use praise, encouragment as well as discipline, yet if they aren't willing to do these things for themselves, no amount of it from others will help.

From Anxiety to Enthusiasm - Introverts and Public Speaking

Labyrinthe, by shortgreenpigg





I grew up unsure of myself - unsure of how to enter conversation, what to say, how to respond to questions, and unsure of what I thought. This mix of unsurety kept me at arm's length from relationship development until I was in my mid-late teens. At that point, Beth Huffman, the teacher who made the biggest difference in my life, encouraged me to take her speech and then her drama classes. Only because I already admired her as my English teacher, I signed up. Then my eyes were open to what it feels like to step in front of audiences - anxious. Really anxious. Later I learned how to move the anxiety into enthusiasm.

But first I realized there were certain things about myself, the introvert, that seeks the enthusiasm of the audience.

Lawyers stumble over business development

Attorneys are notorious for staying behind the desk, in front of a computer, avoiding business development. Most are introverts, so they think they won't relate well and prefer not to appear "salesy" so they simply put information out in passive ways. This inactive behavior doesn't make the phone ring.

"We need to decide what our priorities are," says Cordell Parvin. When attorneys state it's most enjoyable to serve their clients, then they need to make sure they keep developing the pipeline.

Parvin insists new attorneys must first develop themselves. This includes their communication skills, their interpersonal (relationship and trust-building) as well as their intrapersonal (managing self) skills.

Communication Skill Barriers

Whether we are attorneys or not, we all have what it takes to communicate effectively. Either we were born with the skills or we learned (directly or indirectly) what it takes to develop relationships and influence. On the contrary, we all have what it takes to hold ourselves back from communicating well, whether in public speaking, interpersonal effectiveness or intrapersonal (self-talk) effectiveness. It's from this platform of barriers that we most often make judgements about our effectiveness. And often we feel ineffective. The good news is, we can break down those barriers.

Here are a few things to keep in mind regarding barriers.

3 energies that impact any work environment

A few years ago I explored the topic of Highly Sensitive People when I picked up Elaine Aron's book from the library. The title and topic made an impact on me, for I have a need for quiet, calm, tranquil environments. When in these environments I get focus and clarity. Seeing a book with a label like this immediately gave me a connection to a group of people I assumed I belong in. Now that I've read it I can affirm membership in this category. (If you are feeling the same way, I recommend you find a copy of Aron's book and/or workbook to gain insight for yourself as well.)

Sensitive person or not, there are 3 energies at work in all workplaces that will affect you. Without knowing this, all we can say for sure is, we are experiencing something that gives us hope or that saps us. But knowing these energies we can monitor and address them for best results.

Merri's Tips - Part 4

19. Take the edge off. Learn what works best for you - a cold beer, a shot of something stiffer, a good laugh, a massage, or just getting up and walking away. Telling yourself you can handle it without that just makes you edgier. We all need to take the edge off. Otherwise we treat others or ourselves in regretful ways.

20. Know what is worth saying YES to. Once we identify what is worth making a commitment to, we can then say NO to other things that get in the way.

21. Don't take things personally. But understand that others will. Especially kids. And kids who never grew up.

Merri's Tips - Part 3

13. Thinking doesn't replace doing. Although thinking is hugely important, deciding is moreso. Better yet is acting on the decision. Action is what makes thinking powerful.

14. If you have questions, ask them.  Take advantage of time spent with peers, trainers, coaches, supervisors and mentors. Any moment can be a teachable moment for someone needing to inform us. Help them get that opportunity.

15. If there is tension in the room, work through it. Tense moments, themselves, are teachable moments. Avoid shutting down or ignoring it. Instead, put on your curiousity cap and discover what's going on.

Merri's Tips - Part 2

7. If you're a solo business owner, create a structure for daily affirmations. We all appreciate and/or thrive on recognition, let alone praise. Working solo means we aren't regularly around folks put in the position to give us this. Create it. Write out affirmations daily. (My talents and ideas earn me $___ per month)  Fill in the blank. With a structure like this, our focus goes to what we're good at, blessed in, or wanting to accomplish. This keeps us motivated into action. Face it - solo business owners need motivation!

8. Pay attention to your gut. Not that you need to watch your weight - or maybe you do. Paying attention to your gut means to trust your instincts. They usually indicate caution or opportunity. Even when you can't pinpoint the logic, pay attention to it.

Going with our gut is hardest when we are put in a position to explain our actions. Prepare yourself with a simple plan. You could find yourself saying to someone, "I'm not sure why I'm feeling the need to wait before making this decision. Let me think on it." or "Something I can't put my finger on is troubling me." or "I can't explain this right now, yet I feel the need to move forward."

Guts are measures of our stress.

9. Inconsistency is part of our nature.  If we get frustrated by other peoples' tardiness, we often find we also show up just at the last - or beyond - the last minute. It is not by chance we are in the professions we are in. Something about it is what we need. Accept that you are inconsistent and you'll be easier on others who demonstrate this.

10. If you sell services, put your picture on your business card. This isn't a sign of vanity - instead see it as a form of access to you. When people see your face on your card they remember you much more often. If you face is on an ad, all the better. Bring access to your business referral community and your prospects. And make sure the photo shows how you want to be perceived.

11. When your alarm goes off, be thankful you're still alive! Instead of dreading the start of the day, consider the alternative - the lost opportunity. Get up and get connected to your spirit, your purpose and your relationships. That will awaken you and give you something to smile about.

12. As your week ends, look ahead at the number of appts you have scheduled into your next week. 5 appointments for the business builder is minimum. This allows you to attend networking events, to give presentations, to have follow-up appointments, to meet with your business partners and associates it is best to stay in touch with. For the business builder looking to pick up their pace, schedule 6-10 appointments weekly. Once you know which range to focus on, call/email/visit people daily to keep the appointments scheduled ahead. Before you leave the appointment, ask who your appointee would recommend you meet with next. Then take the steps to put them into your calendar.

Merri's Tips - Part 1

Thanks to Frank Ramos' blog on what he has learned in life, I will also be putting out a few remarks about my own experiences, as it translates into tips for the reader.

1. If you haven't decided what you want to be yet when you grow up, start paying attention to what revves you up. If something really makes you frustrated or angry, like social causes or issues, volunteer for the appropriate non-profit group to learn more about what it involves. If you've had an emotional experience about life circumstances, move into action around it. Public speakers and entrepreneurs get their start this way. Otherwise, life will be based on what happens to you vs. what you do about what happens.

3 Ways to Make the Best Use of Time and Talents

 image by Karin Christensen -Scientific Animation & Illustration

As a communication skills and speech coach, I repeatedly see how professionals get held back by lack of focus. We are interrupted throughout our day by stop-ins, callers, email notices, text messages, Facebook updates, LinkedIn status/connection requests, noise and trips to the coffee pot. The one thing we are good at is turning our head. But at the end of the day, it makes us feel miserable. That which needs work is focus.