Bold or Purposeful?

There was a time when my eyes were opened to my own selfishness.

Now a member of a Presbyterian church, I have contributed in church services with my artistic talents, namely my acting/singing skills. But growing up in a strict Lutheran church, I learned to keep my talents hidden so as to not brag on them.

Although I was encouraged to join choir, a group activity, I was led to believe doing any solo or individual work was bragging. This belief gripped my activity for a great number of years - is actually still a hard one to shake lose from my psyche.

Hoping to be able to use my gifts in my Presbyterian setting when others appreciate their value, I first want to be recognized, invited to do something with them, and then I willingly share.

Then came the day someone mentioned I should offer these gifts on my own - not await being asked.

"But isn't that being too bold?" I responded.

"Bold?" they questioned. "Quite the opposite. Without your offering them, you are holding back. Consider your gifts as part of your tithing, part of your purpose here in the church. If you await being asked to share, you aren't willingly contributing."

Wow. This opened my eyes to purpose with my God-given talents.

It's not about me - being asked. It's about motivation to give and to serve.

What are your gifts and talents? Do you wish you would be asked to speak or to lead a group? Are you quick with design, with organization, with host or hostessing? Consider your gifts, and then consider how often you use them.

Do you share them willingly, or do you await being asked? You may have thought it too bold to offer your skills or creativity without being asked to, yet in many cases, folks don't know better. They may not know to ask for your service. But you do. Not using them is squandering them. This is selfish.

Without sharing our gifts, we demonstrate our selfishness. Share your gifts. You will enjoy doing so and so will countless others.

Merri's Tips - Part 2

7. If you're a solo business owner, create a structure for daily affirmations. We all appreciate and/or thrive on recognition, let alone praise. Working solo means we aren't regularly around folks put in the position to give us this. Create it. Write out affirmations daily. (My talents and ideas earn me $___ per month)  Fill in the blank. With a structure like this, our focus goes to what we're good at, blessed in, or wanting to accomplish. This keeps us motivated into action. Face it - solo business owners need motivation!

8. Pay attention to your gut. Not that you need to watch your weight - or maybe you do. Paying attention to your gut means to trust your instincts. They usually indicate caution or opportunity. Even when you can't pinpoint the logic, pay attention to it.

Going with our gut is hardest when we are put in a position to explain our actions. Prepare yourself with a simple plan. You could find yourself saying to someone, "I'm not sure why I'm feeling the need to wait before making this decision. Let me think on it." or "Something I can't put my finger on is troubling me." or "I can't explain this right now, yet I feel the need to move forward."

Guts are measures of our stress.

9. Inconsistency is part of our nature.  If we get frustrated by other peoples' tardiness, we often find we also show up just at the last - or beyond - the last minute. It is not by chance we are in the professions we are in. Something about it is what we need. Accept that you are inconsistent and you'll be easier on others who demonstrate this.

10. If you sell services, put your picture on your business card. This isn't a sign of vanity - instead see it as a form of access to you. When people see your face on your card they remember you much more often. If you face is on an ad, all the better. Bring access to your business referral community and your prospects. And make sure the photo shows how you want to be perceived.

11. When your alarm goes off, be thankful you're still alive! Instead of dreading the start of the day, consider the alternative - the lost opportunity. Get up and get connected to your spirit, your purpose and your relationships. That will awaken you and give you something to smile about.

12. As your week ends, look ahead at the number of appts you have scheduled into your next week. 5 appointments for the business builder is minimum. This allows you to attend networking events, to give presentations, to have follow-up appointments, to meet with your business partners and associates it is best to stay in touch with. For the business builder looking to pick up their pace, schedule 6-10 appointments weekly. Once you know which range to focus on, call/email/visit people daily to keep the appointments scheduled ahead. Before you leave the appointment, ask who your appointee would recommend you meet with next. Then take the steps to put them into your calendar.

You're Not the Only One

Every time I share the 12 common barrier patterns with new clients, they feel relief. Although they are admitting to a barrier pattern or two that holds them back from being what they really want to be, they immediately realize they aren't abnormal.

There are 12 barrier patterns that hold back good people. For introverts, the most common pattern is Never Feeling Good Enough. Subconsciously, this pattern keeps us from public speaking, from networking well, from asking for the sale and from handling conflict.

Introverts are very thoughtful, reflective people, the kind most people would appreciate taking leadership and presentational roles, or buying something from. The fact that they don't make a practice of the above nerve-wracking patterns leads them to think they cannot do these things. Yet each of the above communication-based activities are quite learnable. The longer we introverts avoid learning to plan, prepare and practice these communication-focused activities, the longer we feel Not Good Enough.

I am so glad I was encouraged to plan, prepare and practice public speaking, and then theatre techniques, and then networking strategies and then business development activities and then conflict management. I now feel Good Enough to help other introverts, like me, break down their communication barriers while feeling purposeful and relieved. Feeling Good Enough is a life-enriching pattern. Ready to join me in learning how to use it?

Back to Basics for the Spirit

Re-entering the work world feels quite different today. It's Monday, the first day of the week.

Sometimes my weekends are so full of activity that I relish the downtime on Monday mornings simply so I can digress and reflect, easing into the week.

Yet I've spent the past 7 days in the woods.

I wasn't sure what that was going to be like, for I haven't camped in a tent since I was a kid. I remembered the smell of army tents, the concern over basic necessities and the hope for comfort. So entering a natural space with the intent to be disconnected from technology and limited contact from those I know - although appealing - had me concerned about whether I could survive.

What I forgot was my love of reflection and the role nature plays in it. I found myself enjoying the company of friends and good music, yet often opted for quiet time outside the tent to listen to the wind through the leaves, the birds or observe the starry night sky. These basics quickly bring me back to that quiet place where my mind and spirit merge.

7 days with nature and peace give me the chance to get re-grounded in life. A similar experience in March - on a cruise ship - gave me the energy to come back to life with renewed vigor, focus and determination to make the best of another 5 months.

What I've learned through these vacations is to experience the beauty of what life's basics have to offer:

time to be still and listen,time to meet others who wander into your path, time to reflect and time to recommit to what is important.

For many people, taking the time to be still, to be alone, to let thoughts come to mind is scarry. For those people I offer a fabulous video on being alone by Andrea Dorfman and Tanya Davis. To see it, click on the title of this blog.

Surviving on the basics is all about accepting yourself, loving who you are and what your purpose is. When your spirit is refueled, your focus is recommitted, you are refreshed for what life brings you. I have made the decision to OFTEN get away, get refueled, remind myself of who I am and what I'm here for and then come back to be and do those things.

Take the time to get back to basics. It's so good for your spirit. Especially when you wake up to Mondays.

What Impact?

Last night we watched the dvd of Amelia, capturing the courageous expeditions of Amelia Earheart, aviatrix. Since it stuck to the historical record of what happened to her, there was no surprise about her final attempt to fly around the world. Obviously she and her co-pilot were left for missing after their communication system failed. Yet it left me thinking, "wow - I really admire her courage and determination".

Her overall impact was based partly on how she intended to live, partly on how she related to those around her, the message she shared with women and also on what she focused her life's work on.

No wonder I spent the rest of the night engrossed in the impact each of us makes during our lifetime.

Sometimes we forget, like George Bailey, that we are impacting people around us. We treat people around us like we treat ourselves, and deal with responsibilities in a way that demonstrates our confidence or lack of it. In the meantime, we are impacting those around us by our attitudes. We may not realize how we have boosted somebody's day, lifted their spirits, given them a role model or a new lease on life. Simply because we persevered.

When it's not all about us, we focus on the world around us. When we aren't so caught up in our own opinions or beliefs, we may also learn from those in our life.

What impact do you want to make? Do you want to help? Then notice how others are helping. Do you want to serve? Then notice the service of others. Do you want to show courage, demonstrate commitment, make a difference? See that of others.

Intend to see what you intend to do. Amelia did. Eventually George Bailey did also. When we purposefully go about our days, not just with a personal plan but one intent in observing others, we reflect that purpose. This has been my lesson in life - to reflect what I see, not just what I want. I still haven't learned the lesson, so I state it here, in the company of others, to be accountable to it.

What impact do you want to make?