The Value of Understanding Yourself

This morning I had difficulty getting out of bed, and even more difficulty keeping up with my workout partner while we were out walking.

Several years ago I was monitoring my tennis playing technique and realized it takes me forever to leave the service line after I serve to my opponent. I spend so much time in analysis that I have analysis paralysis.

Move! I finally told myself.

So this morning, once we were on the return from our workout, I felt better and was moving faster. Although I will never be someone to jump out of bed consistently or to speed into an activity, I will get up and get out. It just takes me awhile to get going.

Knowing this, I can coach myself into setting boundaries that allow for a slow start. For instance, I like attending networking events early on. There is less activity, so it's easier to engage than later when activity is high - especially for us introverts who get turned off by high energy in these unstructured events.

Similar to lying in bed awhile after my alarm goes off, I don't immediately jump into the networking game but take my time.

I also allow myself to get used to things before I expect too much out of myself. I am usually slow to win at sports or cards until I have played several hands or spent some time warming up. This tells me I must also warm up prior to a presentation. I don't wish to waste the introduction warming up.

But if I'm playing tennis, I must tell myself to focus on moving. Similarly, movement out of my seat where I work on my computer, into public places for meetings, and to the telephone to return calls is best handled with little delay. Otherwise, I lose the ability to position myself to receive from others.

What do you know about your own patterns? How can you make use of this knowledge? You may find it's not easy analyzing yourself, so ask someone else what they observe about you. Don't be surprised by how right they are.

Understanding yourself allows you to value who you are, how you are and then to make good use of this knowledge. What you learn about yourself is key to how well  you communicate with others.

Print Resources for Self Growth

Here are 4 of the best resources I have grown from over the course of my professional career. Lawyers, how would these apply for you?

Think & Grow Rich by Napolean Hill
From this book I was inspired to create Master Mind groups, some that I now call Business Owner Accountability Groups (for the small business owner) and Solo Practitioner Accountability Groups (for the lone attorney).

Readers also get motivation in necessary business traits like decision-making, organized planning, mental toughness, etc. Its a classic still on my shelf and often reviewed today! A relevant read for the attorney.

The 12 Bad Habits that hold GOOD people back by James Waldroop and Timothy Butler
Subtitled, overcoming the behavior patterns that keep you from getting ahead, this book is a comprehensive study on the 12 common patterns we fall into and cases of professionals struggling through them.

Each of us wants to accomplish certain things over time, yet we all fall behind based on the above patterns. Until we are aware of and address these patterns we will not accomplish what we want. Pick up this book for your own reference.

The Power of FOCUS by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen and Les Hewitt
Subtitled How to Hit Your Business, Personal and Financial Targets with Absolute Certainty, one of the key chapters for me is about habits - those we strive to practice and those that perpetuate the patterns that hold us back.

Among other things, our creation of habits is key in our ability to focus, especially in multi-tasking environments or those with huge time commitments such as the attorney world.

self-promotion for introverts by Nancy Ancowitz
Subtitled the quiet guide to getting ahead, Nancy understands what is at risk for the introvert who owns a business or is responsible for business development. Without excusing the introvert for resisting self-promotion, Ancowitz instead helps us focus on those things we are naturally good at and suggests how to use them to develop business.

Full of techniques and tips, this will help avid readers put actions in place while helping them feel better about promotion. Lawyers are most commonly introverts, so this is a great resource!

For more book recommendations, visit my LinkedIn page: www.linkedin/in/merribame

Lawyers: Pack Your Mental Diet with 3 Ingredients

The first week of August (2 weeks ago), I was away for a camping vacation. During that time I set aside my Blackberry and disconnected from my regular communication with the world. I felt a bit as though I had stepped into a boat to get to the other side of the lake, away from the 5,000.

Disconnecting helped me reconnect with the best energy in life - nature and the divine. This mental diet not only helps me survive but creates the ability to thrive!

Now that I'm back in my professional life, I need to keep my mental diet intact. Just like you, I get overwhelmed by multitasking, projects, deadlines and the cesspool of constantly flowing information around me. Yet today I remember the power and focus of my mental diet by focusing simply on 3 key ingredients.

Who Around You is Worthy of Good Treatment

Our weekend guests, Amanda and Aaron, will be in their 4th year at Ball State University where they each are working toward their degrees in music education.

As they were reflecting on insights gleaned of late, one comment surfaced: "It's now clear that we treat the school librarians well. They can be the ones buying texts and resources our budgets can't afford!"
I agree. Befriending someone who has the power to give you quality resources is essential. Harolyn Legg was that person for me.

A past school teacher myself, I've since recalled 2 other important relationships in my tenure of teaching: the school secretary and the custodian. From Nancy Stillberger to Pam Schimmoehler, I realized the role of school secretary is more of a roller coaster ride than that of a classroom teacher. They deal with all the complainers - not just some, but all.

Merri's Tips - Part 5

30. Make Monday a really good day. Get going early, focused on the priorities for the day vs. your email or social media accounts. The results you bring in on Monday set the tone for the week. So get a jump on things right away, feel good about your results, and drive the same discipline and focus toward the rest of the week. I know attorneys put in countless hours, often in thankless ways. We all feel it worse on Mondays unless we consciously make the effort to turn it around. In summary, don't let Monday get a bad name.      

31. Shape your attitude. Anyone can feel the duldrums, have a bad day or get rejection. Respond  remembering you still have so many things MOST people don't have. (and maybe even more so than your clients) Could be your health, your quality relationships, your basic needs and even your good name. Your results are based on yourself, not anyone else. Same is true with your attitude. You are already doing really good work for people who can't do it for themselves.Drive your attitude to be hopeful, curious and humble.

32. Do what needs to be done. Imagine you have only 3 minutes before your maker "poofs" you away. Based on your actions, you will be given more time. Do what needs to be done. Make the phone call, give the apology, cut the grass and/or fold the laundry. Just do it. Then you have something to celebrate.

33. Say thank you. Your mother, your kindergarten teacher, and countless others had it right when they taught you this priceless treasure. Saying thank you only goes out of style when it isn't sincere. Think about saying it, say it and then smile or touch those you are thanking. You will be remembered and those you thank will keep doing what you just thanked them for.

What other communication tips, especially for the attorney world, (talking to ourselves or others, or even public speaking) do you have?

A Right, A Risk, A Reward

This week on Harry's Law, Harriet's "security" director tipped her in the possibility of gang warfare in her neighborhood. His intention was for her to close up shop for awhile, so nobody got hurt. Of course Harriet had another idea. Force the gangs to meet her that evening so she could mediate the issue and resolve the issue responsibly. All in true Harriet style.

This collective bargaining method - bringing all parties together for a facilitated conversation around the issues of conflict - is a right of law-abiding citizens, yet it is a right many avoid. With it comes the possibility of escalated emotions that many of us are afraid to navigate.

This risk - navigating through heightened emotions - is one that is common to everyday life. From childhood into and through adulthood we grow in our practice of handling our emotions for the sake of being responsible while building relationships with those around us. Sitting down with those who have differences of opinion is an adult practice, that although risky, brings reward.

In Harry's Law, it brought closure on whether a gang member could date someone from the opposing gang. It brought closure on the value of a car. It even opened the discussion on handling gang members who decide to terminate their membership. Was it easy? No. Are most things worth having easy to come by? No.

Yet the reward for opening ourselves to honest, challenging conversation is actually several things: our personal satisfaction in having managed ourselves in a higher, honorable way; the ability to problem-solve while gaining mutual agreement; and the sense that everyone involved has been given the chance to say what they want to/need to say.

Open communication is a challenge. Yet it is a challenge that adult, responsible, emotional and respectful people take. And it is worth it.