Remember the WHY

It's Friday, the most common day of the week to forget why we are in the business we are in. On a day like today it's often easier to remember what we are doing outside of the work day - through the weekend.

Yet for many of us, the anxiety of not following through with tasks outside our comfort zone that are crucial in our career leads us to search for distraction.

It is for this reason we must remember why we made the commitment to our profession in the first place. This gives us something to celebrate through the weekend and motivate our Monday energy.

Answer this question. What made you chose your profession?

Sure, the logical reason may have more to do with the pay and benefits. But what's the emotional reason? Why law? Why sales? Why research? Why serve the people?

The question is really asking - what's your story? Get to the heart of it. Then enjoy your weekend.

Talented, Good People Fail

One of the areas I excel in is listening. Yet my ability to focus for lengths of time has been weak, and my desire to please is high. What this creates at times is a wandering state of paying attention while smiling to encourage the speaker in continuing, leading me further and further out of touch.

Talented, good people fail. As my listening skills have led me to great opportunities, my focus and thinking skills have often held me back. What I know today is, while I have created a comfort zone of barrier patterns that hold me back, I have since learned to break down those patterns for one particular reason: to speak and behave with confidence.

Good people fail. And because I vowed in the year 2000 to help those, who like me, want to feel better about themselves at the end of the day, my purposeful focus is to help good, talented people get back on track.

Although I work with many attorneys, attorney or not, here are their similarities: they are highly valued employees, they are succeeding in their positions but clearly could be more effective in them, and/or they are being groomed for positions at the very highest levels. Helping people achieve speaking confidence is the key to helping people work to their highest potential.

Do they need to listen better? Be more aggressive? Talk less? Be more direct? Own up to their mistakes? Business psychologists James Waldroop and Timothy Butler (The 12 Bad Habits That Hold Good People Back, published 2000) understand these skills as key to developing behavior patterns that work for us. They also know which ones hold us back. These emotional triggers are listed below:

1. Never Feeling Good Enough
2. Seeing the World in Black and White
3. Doing Too Much, Pushing Too Hard
4. Avoiding Conflict at all Cost
5. Running Roughshod over the Opposition
6. Rebel Looking for a Cause
7. Always Swinging for the Fence
8. When Fear is in the Driver's Seat
9. Emotionally Tone Deaf
10. When No Job is Good Enough
11. Lacking a Sense of Boundaries
12. Losing the Path

Although it's more inspiring to focus on our strengths, without focusing on the patterns that hold us back we prohibit our development. If I want to improve in my ability to exercise routinely, I may set a goal to go to the gym 3 times weekly. Yet if the pattern that holds me back is Never Feeling Good Enough, I may start to question why I am even attempting the goal. Soon, I will slide from 3 times to 2 times, and then I will eventually give up.

My efforts at development are a sign of my "good person" status, yet I will fail until I understand AND break down the barrier patterns that hold me back.

What I tell myself (similar to the 12 attitudes above) is what I end up telling the world around me. Break down the behavior patterns and I begin to change my worldview, manage myself, influence others and speak with confidence.

Directions I've taken

While finishing the book, Gut Check, I started playing the movies of my own life, rating them against my ultimate destination - loving without condition.

For a great number of years I took the path of Escape. This path is one I chose from obvious lack of courage. When confronted, when challenged, when given the chance to stand up and be recognized, my Escape route gave me temporary safety. My childhood years, teen years, and even my early adult years I took the path of least resistance.

Tarek Saab, author of Gut Check, quoted Chesterton by saying, "A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it."

When on the Escape route, I must have been dead.

Although I didn't articulate it that way, I came to the point when living made more sense. The voice within constantly revealed itself, and because it had stayed within that unopened spigot for years, what came out was full of rust.

The new path I took was lined with Aggression. From escape to aggression - pretty natural, especially when considering our human instinct when challenged: fight or flight. I was crying out in defense of self when nobody understood me. I was crying out in judgment of others, when they just didn't get the truth of their impact. While I was crying out, few listened.

Fortunately, or maybe I should say, God-willing, I have survived each of those two deep-rutted directions. Breaking down their barriers, so to speak, while defining a new direction. Some call it balance. Others higher ground. For me, the direction is one of Calm.

And not because of being safe or free or isolated from challenge. The calm comes from stepping away from the emotional plea to fight or flee. It comes from giving up the control of emotion. From relaxing into the moment. From seeking understanding.

This direction has huge benefits to me. It keeps me from having to know all the answers, from assuming the need to be viewed a certain way, from responding to emotional triggers.

And when I consider my ultimate goal - loving unconditionally - you well may see there is only one direction, one path which can lead there. When I'm experiencing calm, I feel complete. Within that frame of mind I love unconditionally. Within the other frames of mind my emotions are too charged with guilt, fear, concern, anger, frustration that loving unconditionally is a thing of the past.

So now I contemplate, how do I keep this direction going?
Send your ideas...