The Value of Just Hiding Out

Last night I went to a networking event that I almost talked myself out of. I had a full day of work without appointments, so it was a temptation not to follow through with the evening event.

After a full day of focused work from home, why get showered and dressed for an hour or so?

Fortunately, after I received the invitation to attend the networking event, I invited about 6 others to join me there. That got me going. And like in most cases, once I was there, I was glad to have made connection with several new contacts.

But this morning I am once again glad to be appointment-less until noon. That's when it hits heavy - 4 appts in a row, including another evening event.

Here is why I am glad to have nothing in my schedule.

There is value in hiding out.

Especially for the introvert, but even for the extrovert who values thinking and focus.

Like this morning, I need blocks of time to review an upcoming presentation, follow up on calls and emails and get my energy engaged for an afternoon of appointments. Planning time is the core of my foundation. Without it, I get out of sorts, lose track of my focus and feel purposeless.

Another reason for hiding out may sound strange to the extrovert - we introverts lose energy with each personal contact we make. Time alone gives us the opportunity to recharge while we prepare for what lies ahead with future contacts. In service-related industries we are at our best when we are fully recharged.

Do you have stacks of appointments scattered throughout your schedule? Schedule chunks of time to hide out. It will give you planning, preparation and even the energy you need to handle and enjoy them.

Introverts and Extroverts Value Their Contacts

Who are you connecting with this week?

My Master Mind groups this month have been focusing on their key contacts for business and relationship development.

It is common strategy for pipeline development to make a certain number of calls weekly, seeking
face time with those in the position to make decisions on the services we offer.

Although it isn't a particularly favorite task of many introverts, picking up the phone to stay in touch is beneficial. Not only does it give us practical skills in conversation development and getting to the point, it helps us exercise our rapport-building strategies while leading to appointment development.

Valoria Hoover, past Ohio Women's Bar Association president and co-founder of the OWBA Foundation, says "An attorney does nothing for themselves. You represent others, so you must know others." Getting outside of our selves and reaching out to others for support, feedback and assistance are key to practice development, no matter your introvert/extrovert temperament.

Staying connected is key. Whether through email or phone calls, we must schedule time with others. While it shows how much we value those we spend time with, it also helps us fine-tune our understanding of their circumstances and needs.

Who are you reaching out to, today?

Introverts, Tip to Make the Conversation Easier

One of my clients, an extrovert in many ways, has difficulty with owning authority. Like most of us, she doesn't want to appear too pushy, so she naturally defers to avoiding some useful conversations. A common situation for most of us, this avoidance leads to her having some complicated situations with direct reports.

When she shared the situation with me, I asked, "Are you willing to have a conversation to address this with your direct report?"

"Well, I know I should, but I don't want to come across the wrong way."

How many of us can relate to this?

For us introverts, the constant voice in our head asks the question, "What will they think?", especially when we are facing a difficult conversation.

Confidence in Asking

When I started observing jury trials to coach attorneys in confidence and influence, I enjoyed watching opposing attorney communication style and quickly learned a few key things. In general, those who were prepared - mentally and logically - demonstrated the most confidence. But I was thrown by the shift in a confident lawyer's approach when he/she switched from the prepared questions to the follow-ups.

Any good attorney will say, "never ask a question you don't know the answer to". But great ones know there are times to ask the questions you don't know the answer to. During voir dire.

Do you understand them, individually?
Like someone pitching a sale, attorneys need to use the process "Seek to understand and then to be understood" during the jury selection/deselection process. This means get the jurists, like prospects, to talk. Introverts, this is something you can be really good at. The more others talk, the less you have to.

When giving sales pitches or demonstrations with my audiences, I have failed if all I do is seek a show of hands. Equally poor is a well-placed question to a jurist without appropriate follow-up. Is it better to know or not to know someone's bias? If it's better to know, - and of course it is - then it's appropriate to dig deeply enough to uncover a bias during voir dire.

Follow your instincts. Practice asking the tough questions. Discover what's being covered up. Seek to understand those who have the power to decide your case. Introverts, if you need to take a moment to word the next question, simply state, "give me just a moment". Do not move on without asking it. Extroverts, remember your time asking questions about the jury is not about you. Seek to understand those deciding your case.

The confidence we have in asking the tough questions is proportionate to the respect and admiration onlookers will have for us. If our questions lead to uncomfortable candidate moments during voir dire, selection/deselection is that much easier. You need to know who is going to give you the best hearing.

Begin Practicing Today
So put into practice today your willingness to follow up with meaningful questions. Choose people on which to practice this process. Those close to you, who understand your career, could be ones to regularly test your skills on. Get comfortable with following your instincts and asking the deeper, more insightful questions.

The more confident you are in asking the difficult questions, the more influential you will be. Your case, and maybe your client, depends on it.

It's Your Business to Speak

Think of public speakers and immediately extroverted communicators come to mind. They are eager to say what's on their mind, animated, expressive and energetic - all things that can lend to entertaining speakers. I enjoy the extroverted speakers.

I also want to learn and be enlightened by presenters. Here is where the introvert comes in. Put them on the platform and the audience benefits from their knowledge.

Are you in business? If so, it's your business to speak. Speaking is the fastest way to create relationship with a large body of people who otherwise would not know you. This is the key to the first step in business - visibility. Today's business dealings are less about direct mail and written communication and more based on relationship - putting a face to a name.

Drop an Anchor

There's a pretty quick way to lose an audience. And that's with mindless wandering. Many of us introverts have a habit of moving while we pull our thoughts into view, looking at nothing in particular in the room while searching the dark recesses of our brains. Extroverts are full of energy - for them movement is large, fast and continual.

For a short time, either of these things is okay. It's an interesting view, from the audience's perspective. But make it a part of your routine, and it gets monotonous.

Try dropping an anchor - you pull the audience right in.

Face It

For some of us, success is what we fear. The only real solution is to get over it. And by that, I mean, just Face It. Look it squarely in the eye. Learn what it is that makes us shake and then address it.

Similarly, many of us fear getting in front of groups. Whether introvert or extrovert, we fear we haven't what it takes for the moment.

Your Speaking Gigs for 2012

In my theatre experience folks often ask me, "Merri, do you prefer directing or performing?" And my usual response is, "whichever I'm doing at the moment". I have come to love the craft of the performer - planning for an event or show, rehearsing it, gathering the nervous excitement prior to it's starting and then finally experiencing the flow of the performance when well-prepared. The audience response has to be the best part of it, though.

Yet, the directing piece allows me to witness the light-bulb moments of others: both those performing and those in the audience. From the exploratory process of connecting the performer to their part (message, character, delivery, rhythm, etc.) to the shift from their own anxiety to excitement - working with others on helping them really love what they're doing and who they're being is precious.

And the same goes for speaking.

Extroverts can sometimes relate

Although it seems extroverts and introverts struggle with getting along (see this article for some tips and detail), quite often both temperaments are flexible enough for the other. Especially when the conversation directly focuses on temperament. It seems these are the times we are most ready to learn.

Validation or Education - Which feedback do you want?

We watched her struggle through her presentation, rambling on about the points she thought she should make, voicing thoughts and finding examples, yet not sold on anything herself. Her stream of consciousness speaking, evident by her inner-focus and demonstrated by her commitment to talking through her thoughts, gave her the chance to produce some poignant, insightful remarks. But she didn't know this. She was still digging, still trying to clarify her message.

She sat down, crumpled in her chair, glad to be finished.

We applauded, knowing she needed support. Yet what we were all wondering about is, who was going to tell her how to pull these thoughts all together? How were we to offer the assistance she needed?

For the Introvert Reader

Introverts can't have too many self-help resources. We eat them up! So today I want to focus on one for the job seeker.

I have already shared the resource, self-promotion for introverts, by Nancy Ancowitz. In my posts The Introvert's Marketing Game Plan and Now for the Don'ts of the Introvert's Marketing Game Plan you'll learn a lot of useful tips for the introvert business owner/sales person. Even the job seeker will benefit from some self-awareness insight.

But today, let's focus on another resource - The Successful Introvert: How to ehnance your job search and advance your career, by Wendy Gelberg.