What Your Audiences Fear

When I first started speaking in front of attorneys, I feared they would not value topics in communication.

Why? I didn't relate to their world. Their training, their intelligence, their experiences all seemed a world apart from mine. Could I position the value I experience in such a way as to relate to them? If not, I would be wasting their time.

Fortunately I quickly learned several ways to relate to attorneys, and therefore, I learned how to NOT waste their time.

The number one fear of our very important listeners is we will waste their time.

6 Tips for Speaking Up

One of the hardest things for us introverts to manage is how to share the chatting in our head with those around us. We commonly observe, compare, judge, and wish we could voice our thoughts. But so often we don't. We are hording golden nuggets.

It's Your Business to Speak

Think of public speakers and immediately extroverted communicators come to mind. They are eager to say what's on their mind, animated, expressive and energetic - all things that can lend to entertaining speakers. I enjoy the extroverted speakers.

I also want to learn and be enlightened by presenters. Here is where the introvert comes in. Put them on the platform and the audience benefits from their knowledge.

Are you in business? If so, it's your business to speak. Speaking is the fastest way to create relationship with a large body of people who otherwise would not know you. This is the key to the first step in business - visibility. Today's business dealings are less about direct mail and written communication and more based on relationship - putting a face to a name.

Face It

For some of us, success is what we fear. The only real solution is to get over it. And by that, I mean, just Face It. Look it squarely in the eye. Learn what it is that makes us shake and then address it.

Similarly, many of us fear getting in front of groups. Whether introvert or extrovert, we fear we haven't what it takes for the moment.

Are You Cut Out for Public Speaking?

Earlier I posted a comment on my personal facebook page: "I am an introvert on the move." And many people who know me well responded, "You aren't an introvert!"

How is it that people who know us well can get such a huge thing wrong: whether we are an introvert or extrovert? Maybe you'd be surprised by the answer - because we so often practice extroverted traits. Especially those behaviors of getting in front of audiences. Maybe most people think introverts aren't cut out for getting in front of audiences.

The Best Performers are Introverts - Why aren't you speaking?

It doesn't take long for me to feel anxious before the curtain opens on a performance I'm in. Likewise, when I enter a space at a conference or meeting environment prior to speaking, the adrenaline and body triggers that are signposts to my nerves are on rapid-fire. In my case, my underarms sweat while my hands go cold.

Yet I continue to perform. It's about the connection, the chance to live purposefully, the moment for charging the air with good energy. The day I learned that my body would respond the same way when I am enthused as when I am nervous, I learned a key lesson. Don't assume you're about to take a dive, unless you're swimming.

If you are also an introvert, as I am, you may be one of the best performers, if you let yourself be. No doubt you have become an expert in a topic or two, are focused on staying calm under pressure and take time to read the audience. All of these reasons make the Introverts, not the Extroverts, the best performers.

Maybe you also play in a band, sing or act. Neither would surprise me - I, too, do those things. You are creative, reflective and skilled at paying attention.

When it comes to public speaking, please consider it. You have what the audience wants. When you realize that, you will take the time to plan, prepare and practice. You will shift from thinking you are not good enough to creating a positively memorable experience. Think about. Then agree to do it the next time you are asked. And you will be asked.

If you think you want it, I would love to help.

If you think you're out of practice

Ever feel you just can't make enough improvements because you don't get enough practice? Many speakers would agree this is something that holds them back. And to a degree, I understand. Yet I also know this type thinking is an example of narrow application.

Many litigators have told me a similar tale. They focus their energies on the argument and the strategy yet can't get enough presentation  practice. Their inability to learn key techniques and then apply them to regular life prohibits their presentation and just may be prohibiting their practice. One presentation basic, being clear, can be practiced in many daily ways.

Extroverts can sometimes relate

Although it seems extroverts and introverts struggle with getting along (see this article for some tips and detail), quite often both temperaments are flexible enough for the other. Especially when the conversation directly focuses on temperament. It seems these are the times we are most ready to learn.

Mission Possible

As my readers know, I've written about ways to celebrate the introvert over the past several weeks. I understand their struggles with extroverted behaviors, especially as attorneys and other service professionals who need to develop strong client and network relationships. I am also an introvert. And I have a mission to help introverts share their strengths with the world.

Getting the Introvert into Practice

In Cypris Chat I ran across an article on Readers' Theatre Circle written by Professor Merryman. In the article Merryman focuses on the exploratory activity of gathering folks together to read aloud cinema scripts, focusing on intonation, timing and other conversational and improvisational elements. As a theatre director and performer, I recall doing similar things and getting such creative insight as a result.

Of late, I made use of a variation on the activity to build my confidence prior to presenting a teleseminar.

6 Steps to Developing Business with Public Speaking

The last thing an introvert wants to hear is the value of public speaking. Yet as business developers, they confess, the best way to gain sales is through relationship creation. And standing in front of a group to help them experience who we are is a huge relationship enhancer, and the best use of our time. All it takes is practice. Practice done perfect isn't expected. Practice done well is worth exploring.

For Lawyers - 4 Guidelines for Improving your Professional Pace

Not to be confused with PACE University, whether online or in New York - which has a school of law- or with the P.A.C.E. program of Houghton University, which boasts a management degree for working adults, pace in this blog post has to do with speed appropriate to the moment.

For decades now females have entered the business and professional world thinking they need to increase their pace to keep up with their male counterparts. Whether in the corporate setting or otherwise, there is a sense that a quickened pace rules the culture.

In sales, the driven often rise to the top quickly. One mark of who they are rests with their speed - accelerated compared to others.

Yet pace, in all its NASCAR glory, has little to do with high speed when creating success. Ironically, high speed has many things to do with creating failure.

Lawyers take note - our biggest flaw

Everything I coach I have personally needed to develop in - and to a degree, still need. Whether that is public speaking, interpersonal performance or intrapersonal behavior. So when I speak of our biggest flaw, I definitely include myself in the assertion.

We get in the way of ourselves far too often. Of all things, that's our biggest flaw. I don't care how old you are - I'm in my 50's. I don't care how educated you are, where you were raised, how many in your family or what your current professional responsibilities are. You and I still get in our own way and get ultra frustrated about it.

Is there anything we can do about this?

Merri's Tips - Part 9

 50. Remember your manners. It seems when we are tired, worn out or challenged by things in daily life, our manners get forgotten. Recall what you learned in kindergarten about being nice, friendly and personable.

51. Choose those times when manners aren't needed. Whether you're being bullied or physically attacked, manners will get you no place. Quite honestly, these are the times when you must show your muscle. Stand up. Speak up. Listen up. Buck up. These times are few, but how we play them will demonstrate what we are made of.

52. Do what it takes to find rest. Our minds and our bodies will be in constant motion if we don't quiet them. I'm not the one to say how to do so. Each of us inherently knows what it takes for us to be at rest. It's our job to do it. It's a commandment. And on the 7th day...

Quieting our mind is part of intrapersonal management. Becoming aware of our emotions  (what we are feeling) and regulating them (determining how we prefer to feel and then focusing on this) are essential for our minds to be quieted.

Gain confidence in this and we gain control over manners, relationships, responsibilities and how we present ourselves.  

One Simple Rule of Thumb for Courtroom/Public Speaking

Recently I spent an hour with a client wanting a review of the presentation he's giving for an office all-staff meeting. As I requested, he sent me the focus of his message in advance so I could get a sense of the content. Although it was fairly technical, I knew there were ways he could engage his listeners so they didn't slump into their seats while pulling out their smartphones.


Since his intention was to motivate the listeners into taking certain steps toward behavior changes, he knew he had to help them focus on themselves instead of being distracted by how he was presenting the message and then quickly tune out.

Lawyer Communication: from Writing to Speaking

There's no doubt about it. Lawyers are great writers. Whether this is based on natural gifts or skills they've developed over the years, it serves them well to craft the content, the flow and the wordsmithing of their written messages.

Shift to speaking, and the circumstances can flip-flop from lawyers being confident to suddenly overwhelmed. Put many lawyers in front of a group for a public speaking event and the challenges they face include:

Merri's Tips - Part 6

40. Shape the voice in your head first thing in the morning. Otherwise, you will wine about getting out of bed, forget what you're so good at, procrastinate on using your abilities and forget why your life is so good. Shaping the voice in your head refers to remembering your value, what makes you unique and putting this focus and those skills into use. These are your intrapersonal skills, the communication skills that set the tone for the day and determine your ability to show up in life.

 Lawyers can use praise, encouragment as well as discipline, yet if they aren't willing to do these things for themselves, no amount of it from others will help.

From Anxiety to Enthusiasm - Introverts and Public Speaking

Labyrinthe, by shortgreenpigg





I grew up unsure of myself - unsure of how to enter conversation, what to say, how to respond to questions, and unsure of what I thought. This mix of unsurety kept me at arm's length from relationship development until I was in my mid-late teens. At that point, Beth Huffman, the teacher who made the biggest difference in my life, encouraged me to take her speech and then her drama classes. Only because I already admired her as my English teacher, I signed up. Then my eyes were open to what it feels like to step in front of audiences - anxious. Really anxious. Later I learned how to move the anxiety into enthusiasm.

But first I realized there were certain things about myself, the introvert, that seeks the enthusiasm of the audience.

Best Audiences for You

Building our visibility is of primary importance when we are in the position to find more business. We have shifted from the need to enhance our credibility - this is already underway with the projects, cases and experiences we have behind us. To advance next, we must build our network, originate our own clients and regularly get some face time in front of key people.

So how do we strategize to build our audiences? Great question. It all starts with developing a plan, preparing to manage it and practicing the implementation until we develop insight on what is and isn't useful. Let's explore the first of these three steps.

7 Benefits of Being in the Spotlight

As an introvert, I have come to see spotlights - times speaking in public - as unexpected sources of energy.

Yes, I still thoroughly enjoy days away from the crowds, schedules free of appointments and the time and space to research, analyze, and create in isolation.

But I must admit there are huge benefits for us to seek the spotlight, even us introverts. And these benefits are humbling. But a quick survey is important - who are you?