If you like the 70's

This morning the Toledo Eleven news tweeted, "If you liked the 70's, they are back. Not bell bottoms and disco, but milder temps."

What a welcome relief! Not because I dislike bell bottoms or disco (loved them back in the day!) but because I so enjoy the cooler, milder temperatures.

In milder temperatures I am less distracted, more focused, and of a calmer temperament. Creativity is more fluid in mild temperatures. Or at least it seems that way to me. On the DISC profile, I am an S. Of all the 4 communication styles an S represents the steady, peaceful temperament.

Knowing what works for us is important. Knowing how to respond when things don't work for us is just as important.

These past few weeks the needle has hovered in the 90's. That doesn't work for me. Yet because my partner and I live beside a quarry, we take regular swims at night. We stay in the water just long enough to drop our body temperature so at night we can sleep better. Of course, the added benefits of relief from the high temperatures, fun in the water and calm through the lake aren't bad either.

Fortunately we have learned how to respond when the temperature is excessive.

Today I am in my zone with what I like. I have a cat back on my lap as I write, I will be enjoying milder temperatures, I get to meet with a master mind group and also one of my long-standing and fun clients. And we're back in the 70's. These things work for me.

What works for you?

Distractions I Can't Do Without

As her golden hairs all over my t-shirt will attest, my little Amber is quite the lapcat. It doesn't take her long to spot the laptop in my lap before she hovers on the back of my chair. Stealthily, she saunters into my lap, staying low in case I see her and tell her "no".

But in the morning I usually don't. I like the cuddle time with her even if I'm focused on getting online and into my blogging page. That purring bundle is a good little charge for me.

When We Are Deliberate

I used to direct an exercise called "Enter the Room" with actors as a reminder of human behavior in given locations.

"Enter the room as though you've never been there before."

"Now enter the room as though it's familiar."

"What changed?"

Usually the actors would shift from observation mode to purpose. For instance, in the first case they slow their movement, taking in the space from side to side, top to bottom, gently planning their next steps. Yet it is apparent they are tentative.

But if the space is familiar, they can skip that "taking in" and go right to their purpose for entering, whether to get a glass of water, to remove and place their jacket, to find someone they know in a particular place - you get the picture.

Knowing that our movement and activity communicate our relationship to a space and those around us, it makes sense that our purpose, comfort and confidence all at once show up. There's nothing more telling than someone's purposeful, deliberate action. Comfort and confidence show up when we are deliberate.

Consider the difference in what you are communicating if you enter the space where you are to present a talk if you've been there before vs. if the first time you enter is 15 minutes prior to your talk.
Your level of readiness and ease of movement set the tone for what your audience can expect of you. Without these, your confidence and comfort are slow to show up.

It doesn't take much to be deliberate - it's simply about gaining familiarity in advance so our focus can be on purpose rather than discovery. Confidence comes from practice, including practice in getting to the right place, knowing who to ask for details and how to move forward. When we are deliberate we are focused, and so are those who notice.

Social Pressures at Work

This morning I attended an executive breakfast that included a presentation in team building techniques for effectiveness.

Ironically, I had just read Susan Cain's chapter, When Collaboration Kills Creativity from her book, Quiet. The gist I took from Cain's chapter is, it's okay to encourage collaboration, but add a healthy dose of individual, uninterrupted work to the mix. Yet from this morning's presentation I felt the introvert's need for quiet and focused individual work is forgotten in most work environments.

When Introverts Focus on What Works

Yesterday I had a rough day. I watched my partner and her kids hit the road for a fun roadtrip while I stay behind to keep the house in order; discovered one of the songs my band has recorded now has only 30% or less of my harmony in it; and began stressing over my business pipeline for January. I knew better than to let any of those things get me down, but on the other hand, I immediately felt sorry for myself. I fell into the pattern of relishing the pity and fell into a pretty deep hole.

So I got out - although not out of my predicament, I did get out of the house.

Fortunately I had places to go and things to do. Three and a half hours later my spirits were better, I was thinking differently and I had a plan for focusing on things with a positive behavior change.

For most introverts, when we are hit with difficulties, we ruminate over them until we really process the "feeling" part of the challenge. And we're so good at going deep to problem solve that we go deep with ourselves and end up with disaster. So it's imperative we switch our focus from those things that don't work to things that do. At these times, we need people around us who are focusing on other things - light or heavy, either can give us a break from our ruminating. Yet if the topic is more serious we put more meaning into it and let this new topic replace our old ruminations.

Focusing on what works means either paying attention to those things we are skilled at or experienced in or focusing on other people's thinking. Get absorbed in something other than yourself and you walk away with new perspective about your own situation. For instance, last night I attended a goal-setting seminar presented by David Emerson Smith, intent in paying attention to his seminar approach as well as his goal-setting process. In both counts I admired several things.

Although I was paying attention to Dave - deeply immersed in learning - I immediately shifted to applying his ideas to my own seminar approaches as well as applying his ideas about positive behavior change to my own goal-setting. I walked away refreshed and motivated, seeing the opportunity in time alone, in seeking constructive criticism for vocal harmony or other band-related responsibilities and in shifting my pipeline activity to more productive efforts.

For us introverts, the best way to dig ourselves out of a hole is to give the shovel to someone else. You read how this worked for me. How can you do this?

The need for downtime

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick...your brain is full, the creases are marking your forhead and the To-Do list is growing.

When can you close up shop and head out? Your stomach is growling, the weekend relaxation calls and your family and friends nudge you into distraction.

If you don't say NO, you feel like a dunce. If you don't say YES, you feel irresponsible.

What's a professional to do?

Merri's Tips - Part 6

36. Confirm appointments the day before. How often have you been stood up, where at the wrong location or didn't know the location of your pre-arranged appointment? It's a waste of time. Progress and relationships with clients or others take a hit. It's worth the energy to confirm in advance.

37. Carry extra material to read or review when attending appointments. Those days your joiner gets delayed you will welcome the chance to pick up the book you've been reading, review the material for your next appointment or take notes you didn't take the time to write down from your last phone call. This is a welcome way to wait in traffic, stand in line at the coffee shop, etc.

38. On the contrary, stay open to being present to your surroundings. If you're at a restaurant awaiting the arrival of your joiner, don't always keep your head buried. You'll be able to greet and converse with those you know in your community, whether personal or professional relationships. You will appear accessible vs. wanting to not be disturbed. Staying accessible is the key to us in professional services.

39. When you look in the mirror in the morning, find something to smile about. Practice smiling to yourself and notice the impact it makes on you. Without a doubt it makes a similar impact on those you are with through the day.

40. Recall the good of the day at day's end. If you don't have a practice of reviewing your day with someone, start it. Or simply journal about it. Reviewing the good you have done and the good others have done for you gives you insight and motivation toward how well you are serving your mission.

41. Articulate your mission aloud, each morning. If you don't remember or haven't defined your personal/professional mission, nobody else will get it, either. With a focus on what you believe you're all about, you will act in alignment with that mission and learn what is worth saying Yes to and what you should say No to. This behavior is one of the biggest communicators about who you are.

3 Ways to Make the Best Use of Time and Talents

 image by Karin Christensen -Scientific Animation & Illustration

As a communication skills and speech coach, I repeatedly see how professionals get held back by lack of focus. We are interrupted throughout our day by stop-ins, callers, email notices, text messages, Facebook updates, LinkedIn status/connection requests, noise and trips to the coffee pot. The one thing we are good at is turning our head. But at the end of the day, it makes us feel miserable. That which needs work is focus.

Our Focus Drives Our Results

It's not only in what we say, it's in what we do. Our focus determines our results. Lack it, and those of us business owners who want to get in front of our best audiences will ramble incoherently while others around us scratch their heads wondering how to help us.

The focused and strategic business builder is apt to articulate their needs and get results from listeners. Here's how.

Simply subtract

Addition is the usual sign of success. More toys, more friends, more dollars, more cars, more land, more square footage, more vacations, etc.

Rarely does someone select "subtraction" as a standard mode of operating when their career is going well. Yet simplicity is the ultimate form of reward. And simplicity leads to clear communication - clear mesages.

As Mark Sanborn suggests, "Change this inconsistency!"

By nature we automatically think one thing and do another. See the problems in others and not in ourselves. Do those things we wish we wouldn't. We are inconsistent creatures.

There is one inconsistency that Mark Sanborn has tweeted about lately. How can you keep commitments to others if you can't keep commitments to yourself?

What it takes to be a tree

Yesterday I read a tweet from the author of Be a Tree, a presentation pointer. Wonderful advice about how to come across as though you stand for something. Here is some of what he said:

Stand still as a presenter. Get your weight on both feet. Balance yourself. Do not stick one hip out like a pop singer. Instead, be the tree. But do not sway. Stand as if you are guarding something sacred, as if you stand for something important. Then, after holding this position for a reasonable time, move to another spot and stand still again. Stillness and movement is very near the crux of any performance art.

Sorry, somehow I lost the author of the post. Yet with my background in theatre and my current focus in presentation, I applaud how he illustrates the quality.

One of my clients has experienced the difference between waffling around ideas and how to express them and in being solid and practiced in her ideas, language and movement. She feels an incredible boost in confidence as she stands with purpose, sharing an idea and its illustration, then moving into her next point, ending with purpose on a thought.

I recall the time I was auditioning for a role that many contemporary actors would call an "actor's dream" part. The Guys was Harvest Theatre's new focus in 2006, the 5th year anniversary of the tragedy on Twin Towers and the many engulfed in fatalities. The show features the captain of the fireman unit that lost all their lives during the rescue attempt. Also filling out the cast is the journalist he partnered with to write all the eulogies he would have to deliver.

The journalist role is meaty - rich, dramatic, funny and real. During auditions I had a wealth of experiences to call on as I stood in front of the casting committee. Unfortunately, I didn't simply stand. When many of us are before a group and not hiding behind a podium or desk, we tend to fidget or pace or gesticulate like crazy. That's what I was doing. And in that process, my voice was loosing control. Not to say that I was screaming - instead I was underselling the script because my body was overselling it.

The director said to me, "Let's try this again. Stand solidly, without movement and take it again." Immediately I understood. In my second attempt I got connected to the monologue. The words had depth, the moment had meaning and I got control back. It worked - for I not only ended up with the part. The performances were rich and true. We learned how to move as well as how to stand and deliver. We were trees.

It takes a few simple things to be a tree:
focus, energy and trust

Certainly with focus we understand the "through-line" of our message. We know the set-up, the connection to the audience and the end result. This doesn't come to us immediately. It takes time to play around with the message enough to clarify where we're going. Then the delivery requires feedback, or at least the observance of people's feedback. Focus is the first step in becoming a tree.

Doesn't it sound odd that it also takes energy? Well it does. One cannot hold themselves solidly without breathing deeply and often. Mental alertness is jazzed with energy. Similar to singing and holding a note, the ability to hold a stance is "rooted" in the energy it takes to stay solid. Mentally we must pump up ourselves for the effort. Relax and the tree-like properties sag.

Amateur speakers seem to believe they are hampered by not trusting the audience's reactions to them. It's actually just the opposite. Those we must trust when speaking or performing is ourselves. We can handle it. We can still ourselves in the moment and create an engaging connection. When the other two properties are mastered (focus and energy), trust is a ready quality.

Tough times require being a tree. Whether on the phone with a customer, whether talking in front of a group or whether performing a rehearsed production, plan and practice focus, energy and trust. Prepare to be a tree.

What I Believe about Coaching

So many of us are looking for the magic bullet. Whether to attack incompetence, ineffectiveness, self-doubt or lack of strategy. We want help. And the bottom line beneath this is our feeling of inadequacy.

We want to feel adequate to others. We want to have our voice heard. We want to erase the past and move into the future by focusing on our present need.

Today there are VOLUMES of coaches. Business coaches, life coaches, athletic coaches, team coaches, relationship coaches. This, to me, clearly indicates our society's desire to seek help. Which reflects either a driven ambition or a desire to finally get recognition.

What I believe about coaching, which reflects my belief in community, has to do with tapping into a willingness to slow down. This isn't a simple process, yet the ability to slow down, to idle while pausing to reflect, gives us tremendous capacity to accept what the divine/universe is giving us.

When we are in the driver's seat of our automobile, accelerating toward the top of an overpass in a busy highway, we are alarmed when we suddenly enter fog. Our impulse is to brake the momentum. Unless we brake and then decelerate, we will crash. Whether we are emotionally overwhelmed by our lack of visibility and turn the wheel towards an embankment, or whether we strive to push forward and bang into a suddenly visible vehicle, our momentum suddenly appears costly. The only thing for us to do when we are startled by our circumstances is to slow enough to assess the situation.

The same is true about how we handle our life - professional or personal.

We all have within us exactly what we need to handle our circumstances. Perhaps this means intellect. Maybe it means intuition. Could also be the heart to reach out for assistance. Coaching is a process that helps us slow down to discover what we already have that can apply to our current surroundings.

As a coach, I come ready to ask useful questions. Questions about how we operate, what works for us, and other areas that give clients a chance to assess their skills, attitudes, behaviors and habits. From these questions come profound truth and key reflection designed to give individuals a chance to drive up that embankment without fear.

Coaching is another form of GPS. Instead of supplying answers, it supplies tools. And just like any handy-person knows, giving someone a tool gives them the means to get back to work (or to life, or to love, or to peace).

Are you in a fog right now? Maybe engaging a coach is your next vital step. Vision about ourselves is crucial to handling circumstances with confidence.

Mondays - in the rough

Over the weekend I saw a video of a country recording titled something like, Who are You When I'm not Looking? Really great perspective on the fact that most of us are slightly different in public than we are on our own. This leads me to today's topic - Monday behavior.

Keeping the same theme in mind - behavior change at key times - on Mondays all of us who work are just a bit different. We begrudge the fact that we must get out of bed, that the weekend still calls us to reflect on our freedom yet Monday's call is tugging at us. Like a diamond in the rough, our week will develop its quality based on the steps we take on this most important day of the week. The day we are called to atone for our own discipline.

If there is any day to jump out of bed, it is Monday. This is the day our character calls - the day our actions speak the most regarding our sense of duty. Without early action on Monday, the rest of the week lacks focus, lacks motivation and lacks results.

Carve your progress deep through Monday and that diamond in the rough will have a more polished, more pure result. By Friday, if not Thursday, the results will show.

For me, discipline comes in the form of exercise routine, planning, followthrough and commitment. My alarm goes off and I allow myself 2 snoozes - that's a Slow and Steady person's most comfortable time. More than 2 and I just get grumpy. That 3rd snooze calls me out to feed and litter cats, get into my gym clothes, grab the Ipod for my morning dose of great rhythm and get out the door.

If I return from the gym to sit down in front of the news, I relax. That's a problem. I must get into the shower, get into my clothes for the day, eat a good breakfast and then stay moving. This pattern allows me to chisel through that diamond in the rough. It keeps me disciplined and in keeping with my work ethic. If I can perform this way on Monday, the rest of the week is on par. By Tuesday morning I'm remembering what worked the day before, my body is resuming the pattern and my mind accepts it.

How many diamonds can we carve out in a month to a polished, shapely condition? It all depends on Monday. Set your sights on creating discipline that day and you're on track to managing yourself and stone-carving with the best of them!

Success Story: Reclaiming Energy

One of the members of the Business Owners Accountability Group recently shared a need to insert downtime into her week. She knows that any group member may agree with her challenges, share their experiences with solutions, or ask further questions. Here is a re-created version of the conversation at BOAG and the road to success established:

"Once I get home, my focus is on others. No more can I find the quiet, or take a break, or get replenished."

"What is it that takes your energy from you?"

"Oh, it's my massage clients. I book them in full days, easily 7am to 7pm, 3 days a week or so." And as she said this, I recalled her massage environment - tranquil, lavender or citrus scented, dimly lit. Pleasant music in the background. She loves her time with them and willingly gives it. Yet, long days are long days.

"The problem is," she said, "I wish I could duplicate my massage environment into a space at home. But there's no place or no time for myself once I get there."

"Is it important that you have this kind of environment at home?"

Ding,ding,ding,ding,ding....You could see an aha moment in progress.

"Oh my gosh. I could just start my day at the office earlier, or stay a half an hour later, and I'm already there, in a quiet, tranquil space just for me now. Wow. Why couldn't I think of that before?!""Just 5 hours a month is all I need," she said.

She left in such great spirits, ready to schedule time for herself, regularly, at least 5 hours a month.

This morning I saw a FB message from her - already logged 7 hours since our meeting 2 weeks ago! Not only is she replenished. Her attitude is improved.

Simple assistance is the attribute of BOAG. Huge results is the benefit. Can't wait to learn how this has impacted her relationships, her focus, her commitment to her clients and her sense of self. Business Owners Accountability Group is the answer to the entrepreneurial drive - creating downtime for your business.

Success Story: Results from a very targeted focus

17 months ago I moved to a new city. Although business still happens in my previous city - where my network is strong and the need continues - in the new I needed to get very strategic about business development.

I am a networker, realizing the value of relationship and referrals for my service-focused communication coaching business. A sole proprietor, I must ask for help from my network to generate word-of-mouth buzz and uncover needs through referral. With this help, I can spend a portion of my week prospecting/networking/marketing, another portion in client-focused time, some portion on administrative tasks and yet another on research/development. Sole proprietors know the need to make good use of our time as well as to diversify our activity to cover the priority bases.

So when it comes to networking in a new location to quickly develop relationships that lead to referral, I need a strategy. From my training with the Certified Networker program, I understand that entering a new area where I had no network posed not only a challenge, but an opportunity.

There are some key steps I use in my networking strategy that hold me accountable and focused, giving me powerful results today. I help attorneys speak with confidence, whether they are networking, working within their firm environment, business building or in the courtroom. I have spoken at 2 attorney professional associations, in sub-groups within the local bar association, within several firms for luncheon meetings. I coach several as individuals and now operate as a coach within firms. All this in the space of 17 months' focus.

My success is built around a strategy. Because it takes trial and error, some of the steps within the strategy have a less structured and some a more structured approach. Regardless, these 3 steps were vital to me.

Strategy for Developing a Business Network
1. Select a target market. With this selection, I hone a focus. Eventhough my services can apply to all industries, I can't become an expert for all industries. Nor can I create a word-of-mouth buzz in all industries. I must select one. For me this was attorneys. Like me, the majority of them are introverts. Introverts suffer the most from insecurity, especially when taking a risk. Speaking in public, let alone to those unlike us often challenge us into avoidance. With attorneys I can be an expert.

2. Select methods of networking with the target market Notice this is not about "reaching" them. This is about "connecting" with them. Reaching can be through online presence, direct mail material, email marketing programs. But connecting, actually having a face-to-face experience, is required for reaching my select market. Here is where both social media and traditional networking combine for a powerful impact.

My previous contacts in my Linked-In network were a huge resource to me. Searching their contacts in my new location, I discovered several who could intercede on my behalf simply so I could start face-to-face networking without making a cold call. When I asked them for assistance, they delivered. Prior to moving here, I had 2 months of meetings lined up.

While meeting face to face, I had a list of referral requests - not for business but for assistance. They didn't know me at all, so I knew my requests needed to be general. For instance,
a. "where do you network?"
b. "would you be willing to invite me to join you next time?"
c. "what do you know about the (target market) industry?"
d. if applicable, "where do they network?"

Once I gained exposure to networking events/options/environments, I broadened my time spent exploring. I would eventually (for me, a year) determine which environments or events to commit to. For now, I was learning/trying out what worked for me.

3. Decide who to maintain a continual follow-up with. Not all individuals I meet with will be a constant appointment. Not even most of them. One appt tells me whether there is value in friendship, target market, information/expertise, etc. If the value exists, another meeting is scheduled before I leave. If it doesn't, no need to reschedule.

My attorney-coaching practice grew as a result of three key things: Giving public speeches (number one business builder), building trusting relationships through networking, and getting referrals.

3 attorneys I met with as a result of seeing them on LinkedIn, lobbied their professional organizations for my opportunity to speak in front of them. Some of them seriously connected me within their industry to firms and/or key individuals. This came as a result of following up with them regularly - they became my referral partners.

Through networking I developed fun, energetic and serious relationships with another handful of people who either began using me as their coach or referring me to others.

In time I learned where to network, who to keep on my calendar and how to hone services especially for my target market. This continues to give me "buzz" in the attorney industry as the Go-To person for helping them develop confidence whether through their speaking or their relationship-building.

The key here, for those of us needing to build our own business, is to have a strategy. Although networking all over the place can be important just to get started, it isn't the rule of thumb. When we network all over the place, we put priorities all over the place. Which actually means - we have no priorities. We don't specialize in groups of people, we specialize in ourselves. We serve no industry, we serve only ourselves. And ultimately, we serve only ourselves by squandering all our time.

Let me know in what ways this strategy serves your target market.

The most fearful part of the speech

Recently a local firm engaged me to help a junior associate with a few areas of professional development, including her ability to give public presentations. Although competent and equipped with intelligence to deliver quality information, this attorney didn't trust her own ability to speak with confidence.

Once we sat down I asked her, "What is the worst part of the speech for you?" Quickly she shared, "the beginning. I get so anxious before I begin the presentation,that for the first few minutes during it, my voice quivers, my hands shake and I can't help but pay attention to my own fears. It makes me a blubbering idiot."

Whether she really is a blubbering idiot during the introduction of her presentation or not, she thinks she is. And whatever we tell ourselves - as in her case, "I'm a blubbering idiot" - becomes true. At least to us, if not to others. That perspective shapes her focus and creates a public speaking experience that holds her back from delivering with confidence.

Not uncommon, the introduction is the section of the speech least-effectively designed. Many create a chit-chat, or introduce themselves in a rambling way that demonstrates their anxiety. It does little to shift their focus from their anxiety to their strength. And the audience sees them sweat.

Speaking professionals know there are 2 key areas of any presentation that demand quality control - the introduction and the conclusion. While the introduction can demonstrate our lack of speaking finesse, the conclusion can leave our overall point hanging. So to ramp up your presentation, take note of the following:

1. Focus on the audience during both your introduction and conclusion.
2. Ask key questions to engage their attention in the topic you are addressing during the introduction.
3. In the conclusion, remind them of the key points and return to the opening questions to tie it together.
4. End strongly - avoiding, "Well, that's what I have for you."

Controlling these two areas of our presentations gives us confidence. Our focus shifts from watching ourselves to paying attention to those in front of and around us, extending our energy outward vs. inward.

In my client's case, I watched her begin strongly, focusing where she needed to - on those in front of her. There was no mumbling, no visible shaking, and instead, a smile and a sense of humor. By the time she had shared the meat of the presentation, she was on a roll and ready to end succinctly.

Additional tip:
Whether you are prepared well or hardly at all, chances are your body will act the same - give you butterflies. Those butterflies are built-in energy. Although most people experience this energy with negative responses, learn to see this energy as important and even necessary. In this way you can shift from anxiety to excitement, knowing your prepared speech will have the energy it needs.

How Do You Manage?

Many of us are entrepreneurs, or working from home, or business building and enjoy having freedom within our day. Perhaps we are out and about while networking, or we can adjust our day to handle a visit to the veterinarian, or can adjust our direction with ease because we are the one calling the shots.

And with this freedom comes the need to put structure into an otherwise unstructured environment - otherwise we get little accomplished while constantly striving to put out fires. So how do we do it? How do we focus on the important things in our day, our week and our month while juggling all the balls related to our responsibilities?

For one thing, it requires discipline.

If we have to create consistency in our processes, we must make some decisions about how to approach things for best results, then do it the same way time and again. Tracking our consistency gives us the ability to measure our results, and to see what patterns exist when we don't get what we want. This consistency is an act of discipline and focus.

I have read about a new diet that will allow me to control my waistline. In this diet I have choices about what to eat, 6 times daily. Yet once I choose, I am instructed to not deviate from these 6 menus each day, but to hold tight to them for 2 weeks if I want to see results. The philosophy is, with more choices, we make mistakes that throw us off from our desired results.

Although I love choice, I selected my 6 choices and then discovered the thrill in knowing all I had to do was committ to them to get my desired results. Discipline around a few things vs. discipline when being overwhelmed with many choices is much easier to manage.


I run accountability groups for business owners and professionals who want to report the results of their commitment to their goals. What they love about these group meetings is they get to hear from a few individuals, like themselves, who are neutral to their choices yet who care about their results. The discipline involved is showing up for 2 hours monthly to share how business has been going and help each other over the barriers to growth. Yet once each member shows up, he/she is so energized by the brainstorming and ability to relate, that the level of success explodes.

How do they manage showing up for 2 hours to work on their business when it means pulling away from working in the business? Their motivation around the results drive them to be disciplined. Consequently, once they return to their office environment, they have the energy to accomplish things faster than they would have, had they stayed. It's a win/win.

All this comes from being willing to ask for help, consistently showing up to get the benefits, and they move forward as a result.

In summary,
1. Ask for help
2. Use discipline to commit to it
3. Consistently focus on the goals

If you don't have a small group of neutral yet interested parties to help you manage yourself, let me know. We may have a spot for you.

Talk Back!

There is a prospect I'd love to get in front of who isn't returning my calls or responding to my emails. Eventhough he invited me to connect with him, he is being unresponsive.

This angers me, for I know his firm could be a huge opportunity for me and I could give him tremendous value, even beyond the few pressing needs he has.

In times like these, I set out to make a phone call, and then I back off. Or should I say, I used to. In the past that voice in my head would say to me, "Merri, he has his own plan. It doesn't include you. Drop it. You aren't what he wants." And I'd back off.

But today, I realize that I have often got in my own way, backing off way too soon. Sometimes the other individual simply had other things on their mind, things unrelated to me. Or maybe I communicated a lack of importance. Or maybe the individual was on vacation. Or maybe there was a temporary fix.

What I know now is, I will persist when it's important. And that means, talking back. Of course I won't talk back to the individual I want to get in front of. But I will talk back to myself. To the voice in my head. I will talk back to say, "No."

"You aren't forcing me to hold back any longer. That keeps me from being useful."

"Just because someone seems busy does not mean I am not important. If an alarm were to sound, they would drop what they are doing. So sound the alarm, if that's the intention."

Today I look at that voice in my head, then turn away while putting up my hand.

"Talk to the hand. I have more important things to do than listen to you."

Back to Basics for the Spirit

Re-entering the work world feels quite different today. It's Monday, the first day of the week.

Sometimes my weekends are so full of activity that I relish the downtime on Monday mornings simply so I can digress and reflect, easing into the week.

Yet I've spent the past 7 days in the woods.

I wasn't sure what that was going to be like, for I haven't camped in a tent since I was a kid. I remembered the smell of army tents, the concern over basic necessities and the hope for comfort. So entering a natural space with the intent to be disconnected from technology and limited contact from those I know - although appealing - had me concerned about whether I could survive.

What I forgot was my love of reflection and the role nature plays in it. I found myself enjoying the company of friends and good music, yet often opted for quiet time outside the tent to listen to the wind through the leaves, the birds or observe the starry night sky. These basics quickly bring me back to that quiet place where my mind and spirit merge.

7 days with nature and peace give me the chance to get re-grounded in life. A similar experience in March - on a cruise ship - gave me the energy to come back to life with renewed vigor, focus and determination to make the best of another 5 months.

What I've learned through these vacations is to experience the beauty of what life's basics have to offer:

time to be still and listen,time to meet others who wander into your path, time to reflect and time to recommit to what is important.

For many people, taking the time to be still, to be alone, to let thoughts come to mind is scarry. For those people I offer a fabulous video on being alone by Andrea Dorfman and Tanya Davis. To see it, click on the title of this blog.

Surviving on the basics is all about accepting yourself, loving who you are and what your purpose is. When your spirit is refueled, your focus is recommitted, you are refreshed for what life brings you. I have made the decision to OFTEN get away, get refueled, remind myself of who I am and what I'm here for and then come back to be and do those things.

Take the time to get back to basics. It's so good for your spirit. Especially when you wake up to Mondays.