Where Are You Going with This?

Sometimes it's such a priviledge to be invited to speak to a group that we lose sight of how to function. Our emotional brain seems to win over our logical brain which leads us to ramble on and on without a sense of direction.

Or at least this has been my experience - and I mean from a speaker's standpoint. Some of my best learning experiences have come from dismal failure. For instance, for the first few years of my speaking career I had too many things to say in a short amount of time. I recall the first time this happened - way back in high school - when I was called to present my Buckeye Girls' State experience for the local VFW who sponsored my involvement.

Excited to speak of my priviledge of being selected, I shared many FUN things that came from the week-long stay. Although a HS sophomore, I spent little time away from home. So a week-long stay was a huge journey in life for me.

I avoided one trap many speakers fall into - talking about things they really know little about, just to appear smarter. Buckeye Girls' State opened the world of politics and governance to me, someone who paid little attention in Government class. And if these women wanted to hear about my lessons there, they were disappointed. That was a blur to me!

All I could focus my speech on was the people I met and the activities I hadn't experienced before (new campfire singalongs, the academy-like showcases of victory in elections, the responsibility of leadership within the dorm floors, navigating the campus in a timely manner, etc.)


I entered the VFW hall without a prepared script, which also meant I hadn't practiced for clarity or timing what I had to say. Essentially, I simply blurted out what I had so much fun doing, rambling with expressive and passionate glee about my week until it seemed I had spoken long enough.

Fortunately, the women were all highly engaged, for I rattled on endlessly. However, there were several things I could have done differently to walk away with the focus on wonderful opportunity they had given me and to persuade them to continue to do so.

Let me contrast that speech with one I gave a few months ago. This new one was to be to a group of candidates for political office who, like me, may have been introverts. My topic was in Giving them hope in their speaking and networking activities, regardless of their confidence level. And my speech could last no more than 2-3 minutes, while they were eating!

I used a simple formula that is timeless, valuable and leads to positive results.

1. First, I determined how I wanted my audience to think of me during the course of the speech and by the conclusion.
2. Secondly, I focused on them, not me, by relating to their circumstances - both the opportunities and the natural challenges.
3. Finally, I gave them some tips for meeting the challenges while offering to be a resource if they chose to follow up to gain further benefit.

Before the day of the speech, I clarified my focus, wrote my message, and I practiced it aloud in a voice that fits the impact I wished to make on them. This told me several things: how much time the speech would take, how easy it was to say it with the existing wording, and then I learned what needed to be deleted.

Usually I have too much information. And although many speakers will talk faster as a result, I know this loses audiences. So it's important to drop needless information. NOT THE STORIES, though. That's useful. It compells emotional interest.

After engaging audience interest with a story about my introverted nature and the challenges I faced as a result, I shared a highlighted version of information which amounted to a simple strategy that I used to break down these natural barriers. This approach with bulleted strategy develops the desire to learn more, which as a business owner who wants to attract clients and as a writer who wants followers/readers, and as a presenter who wants to begin relationships with people, it's important to do to make strong emotional connections and engage curiosity.

I don't cheapen my message by holding back on delivering meaningful information for free. I give it. It's just that I simplify the focus and then dig deep with supportive information. A 2-3 minute message is a perfect way to develop the discipline of writing your message, for it requires a very select area of attention. When we hone a focus, we can look at it from a variety of angles. Listeners appreciate this in-depth overview with even an isolated topic.

Speaking requires really doing your homework. If the message is only a few minutes, the planning, writing, re-drafting, practice, refocus and eventual final message can take hours to create. But it's worth it. It demonstrates our concentration, our ability to use the listener's time well and the appeal for more from us.

At the conclusion, we want people to be eager to use what they've just heard because they have been informed, enlightened and motivated. And by distilling how we wish to come across first, we deliver the message using language and gestures which support it. The last thing we want an audience to say is, Where are you going with this? Instead, we want our audience to SEE our FOCUS. And we certainly want them to Stay until the message has ended!

What you See is What you Get

This year one of the areas of focus I have made a commitment to is in hearing public servants speak. You can tell a lot from a person's presentation.

Forget the fact that often these people are trying to appear "off-the-cuff" by using teleprompters. It may appear they are often looking at any of us, yet if we are standing in the line of focus between the podium and the teleprompter, we may momentarily think they not only are looking at us - they keep coming back to us as well!

Can you see the teleprompter posts? If so, what you see is what you get. The speaker is focusing where the message is, not where the audience is. And there is little connection they are making to the audience as a result. Forget the fact that teleprompters are designed to lend the feeling of strong audience connection. It doesn't happen. The speaker is too focused on staying on top of the message to take time to make eye contact.

It may appear they have their message committed to memory, yet they are completely dependent on the script showing up in two sight lines, one on the right and one on the left, allowing them to span the audience continually. The message may be familiar to them, yet it isn't solid.

No matter how much they review that message, as long as it is presented in front of them, they will seek it. And this doesn't give them comfort. It gives them great pain. It is unnatural. It doesn't allow them to have necessary pauses, to look away momentarily, to be enlightened by a sudden thought. The pain of the teleprompting is the technical team controls the pace of the speaker by controlling the pace of the script.

What happens to the speaker is transparent. Unnatural restriction of emotion overwhelms them. When smiles, frowns, joy, frustration, admiration or other emotion could naturally support the speaker's words, there is a blank face. Blank, because the speaker doesn't allow life to enter the moment. Blank, because there is little heartfelt sensibility going on. Blank, because the pacing disallows emotional engagement.

Instead, redness out of embarrassment, out of stress or pressure to stay "on" in a rhythmic, vocal way, redness overtakes the speaker's face and nervousness becomes their mode of operation.

This is a very transparent experience. The speaker appears befuddled, or overwhelmed, or unsure or lacking commitment. The speaker seems unprofessional as a result.

What you see is a speaker reading a monitor, disconnected to their passion behind the message. They are following the teleprompter vs. leading the audience towards influence. Turn off the teleprompter! If the speaker is making a commitment to their message, prove it. Study it, practice it, become it and present it. Otherwise, the speech is no longer important. Only watching the speaker try to keep up is important. Only watching whether they are connected to their own message is important. Only watching to see whether they will look anyone in the eyes while speaking words from their heart is important.

What you SEE is what you get.

Come on, You can finish that sentence....

Ever meet with someone who, when talking, can't seem to finish what they are saying? Although this may occassionally happen to anyone, it is not the usual style of the majority of the population. But when it happens to someone continually, I get frustrated.

There are those who shift gears mid-sentence, not only once, but multiple times. This disrupts the flow of the conversation. Although it keeps the listener alert, it eventually forces the listener to give up on understanding what the speaker is trying to say. No doubt the speaker is just as frustrated, unless it's a habit.

When I am the listener, I want to get to the end of the sentence. It's like driving to my destination. I may enjoy the ride, but when it comes right down to it, I want to get there.

From my days in theatre I recall the actors who struggle when finally off-book. Not allowed to look at their script, they must rehearse what they know and ask for what they don't know. Yet almost 100% of us don't want prompting. We want to get there on our own. How frustrating it is for the rest of the group waiting for the right words to finally fall out of their mouth! Yet they just fall short.



We try to help out, mouth the next part, point to a clue or just say it. All the while thinking, "Come on, you can finish this." or "Didn't you prepare?"

When a slow speaker or responder is in action in a business environment, we question either their intelligence or their credibility. We assume they're making things up as they go along. The same in a personal or social environment. No doubt any of us can be stumped by a question here or there, yet slow, deliberate speakers communicate discomfort.

Compound the scenario with a short lesson on Communication Style.



Both the D's and the I's in the above visual are fast talkers. Although either of them may stumble when mixing words or ideas, the listeners aren't getting uncomfortable with a slow speed. The C's and S's may, on the other hand, be much more methodical. Their slower, cautious pace will be a hindrance to the other two styles. But for themselves, they will seldom feel discomfort with slow pace.

Stuttering or stammering, which isn't accounted for in the above diagramn, is a product of an internal miscue. Not a pacing issue, it is addressed only through professional help. Pacing issues can be addressed through awareness, practice and focus.

If pieces of the message are slowing you down, it's about understanding it and creating your own version. When the symptom is in the delivery, attention to style while practicing a new rhythm is important. With a speech or communication coach, this problem is addressed within a few months for those who regularly commit to it.

There is power in our message, yet it can be undervalued by our delivery. These pieces, though related, provide separate opportunities for us to develop into a very influential communicator. When this happens, people sit on the edge of their seats not to finish our sentences, but to get every word. That's the outcome we want.

What it Actually Means When We Give

I remember crying when I first read the book, The Giving Tree. In Shel Silverstein's classic way, this story unfolded with such fluid unravelling of child-like spirit.

Been awhile since you read it? It has been for me. Yet a few images I recall are how the fully mature, brightly green-leaved tree became a stump. All for the good of one individual, proving how much the tree loved that human being. And proving even more how it loved so much that it willingly gave.

Yes, I recall wanting to share that book to the children at the church I attended. And when I wasn't given the permission to read it during the Children's sermon, I realized how little the church ministers valued themselves.

There is a direct correlation between how we give and our perception of self. Either we fear our value is limited and we are stingy, or we value ourselves (our thinking, our beliefs, our support structure and our actions)enough to give well to others, either of our gifts or talents, or we give them freedom to take some control from us.

Strong value of self leads us to act with trust. On a daily basis, how do we demonstrate this? Do we agree to meet others in their own terms? Do we listen despite an apparent difference of opinion? Do we approach with courage our tasks? Do we forget past experiences with those around us enough to start fresh today?

I know my answer - I often act showing fear vs. trust. Yet I see how this really communicates more about my feelings about me than my feelings about others. Were I to relax into the moment, to listen with openness, despite my concerns, I may discover more possibilities. I would come across as trusting, and I may even feel confident as a result.

What it actually means when we give - similar to Shel Silverstein's Giving Tree - is that we have faith in how we can react. In Silverstein's book, the tree didn't always inspire worthy reactions from the young boy it was sacrificing for. But ultimately, that young boy/man/crippled sage devoted his heart to his friend. The tree held a strong resolve in long-term investment.

What does it actually mean when We Give is only second in importance to What it actually means when we Don't Give.

Remembering What's Important

So last Friday you had a terrific day, one that demonstrated your talents with positive results. And you were on Cloud 9! You entered the weekend on a roll, eager to share the good news with friends, and then something happened. Come Monday morning your alarm clock went off and you gave the typical response. You buried your head and then dragged your tired butt to the alarm to shut it off before plopping back onto the mattress and into the cool sheets.

Your mind fell into its typical scenario - questioning how much energy your body needs to invest into the day. You slumped into a pile on the floor, waited until the cat licked your face before you ascended into your hallway, making your way toward the coffee pot.

It's time to get moving, yet you're fighting it.

You justify your actions by telling yourself last Friday's results have given you a comfort level. Maybe you can take the day off or even call in sick. What's going on? You've shifted from on a high on your roller coaster to on a low. This pattern has been going on for quite some time, so by now you should have realized that the dramatic shifts need to become moderate.

One thing needed is accountability. And there are two ways to get it. One is with self-discipline. Journaling your goals and steps in achieving them while tracking the results on a daily basis. This gets methodical, yet when it comes to accountability, it must be methodical. Tracking the good and the bad helps us see the average, the patterns and the results from the behaviors we tweak.

It requires motivation to see results, to learn from the underachievements as well as from the achievements. This continual focus helps us moderate the emotion. It gives us objectivity so our behavior can level out. When that alarm goes off, it means nothing more than, I am now awake and on my way.

If we can't personally give an account for ourselves, find others to do so with us. Find someone objective, honest and focused on what we have determined is important.

Define first, what is the ultimate objective you're working to accomplish?
Who will benefit from this, and how?
Next, what will it take in the next year to get there?
What will it take in the next 90 days to get the first year's results?
How do we focus on a weekly basis to accomplish this?
Finally, has this week's efforts brought about your 5-day desired results?
If so, take a day off. If not, work.

Write out each of the above so you can continually check your daily/weekly/90-day results against your overall objective. Otherwise, you don't know what's important. And if that is unknown, you also don't know what it will take to create success around your career/professional activities.

Accountability helps us develop discipline which helps us become routine around behaviors that drive results. Put all 5 of these actions into your routine.
1. Get up
2. Get moving
3. Make decisions
4. Act on them
5. Assess results

With this strategy in mind, every day we must REMEMBER what's important. Not our comfort, not our whims, not our pain, our whining or complaining. What's important we have already written down.

How we spend today is important. For our peace of mind. For our ability to feel purposeful, for us to feel we've done what we intended. That we resisted temptation. That we stayed strong. And finally, that we deserve a reward.

Remembering what's important becomes so much easier that once we've hit the mark a few times, we can recall the details of our day with ease. Because it's on our mind. Because it's our focus. Because it drives us out of bed, into action, even when complicated.

Timing is Everything!

Like the photo of the whale popping up just in time to catch a slew of penguins? That had to be a shock to those poor penguins - life altering! Yet for the whale it was one welcome moment!

Animals, mammals, all of nature operates with an "understanding" of cycles. Bats fly in the same pattern, nature flowers in synch with temperature and seasonal changes, bears hibernate in the winter, and you know the rest of the story. Yet for some reason we humans tend to think we needn't use cycles.

In case you, in your life experiences, have never realized that timing is everything, let me open your eyes to this for a bit.

As the whale pictured above may have learned after "stumbling" into the waters where the penguins were, penguins have a fun yet expectant approach to their behaviors. And as one might expect,the whale was no doubt ready to eat and knew just where to go. It, in it's whale way, scoped out the area before, knew to return, kept returning until one day, just at that right moment, profit resulted.

Some who don't understand cycles may ask, "How did he do that?" We know the answer. We understand repetition, continually showing up, continually seeking.

When it comes to communicating, to developing relationship, it isn't enough to test the waters. Testing the waters simply tells us whether the temperature is warm or cold. Testing the waters is only about the present time. But the present time tells us nothing about relationship. Relationship is timing on a continuum. It's about the now, the before, the later.

Through time relationship develops. As my Certified Networker buddies know, when we work on relationships we move from Visibility to Credibility to Profitability. That doesn't happen in one sitting, nor does it in three. Relationship development, just like penguin research, is an investment in time. And that means finding reason to stay in touch, to communicate with frequency and to show up with pleasant unexpectedness. (is that a word?!)

When we discount relationship development, we also tend to be sketchy about our communication. We don't stay in touch and we drop the practice of communicating effectively. For example, many business owners I know - and this sometimes includes me - give up on potential clients too soon. Granted, I'm not talking about the "anybody, everybody" client. I'm talking about the target market, one that is qualified yet may not be ready to say Yes.

A potential client of mine just recently said to me, "No, not yet." And now I understand what that answer really means - "Yes, soon." Timing is everything. In the past I would have given up, upset I had invested so much into the relationship. Today I understand enough about needing things to be timely, that I am content to stay in touch, give valuable information often and act as though they are clients already.

Otherwise, I will miss the mark. I will try to dive in and not account for where I'm at and how deep the water is. I may take a turn, a twist, a maneuver that isn't going to work. And that can hurt. Staying in communication, like staying in practice with diving, keeps us safe, healthy, productive and as far as business goes, profitable.

Positively dripping!

At least twice this week I was caught in moments when time stood still.

Just a few hours ago was the most recent, and because of that it finally dawned on me I need to reflect on this. I need to find out what's going on, plan to get more of it and put these moments to use!

Here's what happened:
Each moment when time stood still I fell into useful sites (blogs, videos, tweets) that echoed strategies or tips or ideas I've been churning around in my head. Yes - it's the truth.

One has to do with blogging to get business. Not about writing about it, but about positioning oneself in key ways with content (free and very useful to readers) that adds huge value and repeat traffic. About generating mailing lists within the blog template. (this one I need help with - can't figure out how to synch this with Blogspot) And also about developing relationships with readers individually to lead to future business.

Over the past few weeks I keep looking at my Blog following (20) and realize it's a pretty small following for what I invest in to write. What to do about this....that has been my dilemma. Now I'm offered a strategy and didn't hear myself ask for it! That made time stand still.

Another time I fell into a networking member's website after getting an invitation to spend the day with them. To explore more of what type of work they do before I spend time with them, I went searching at their website. Once on the site I opened a link that led me directly to a presentation my friend both video- and audio- recorded. I was very interested because it was about effectively communicating complex information. That has been a new client need - effectively communicating complex messages.

What I saw demonstrated is similar information I extol in general terms. Yet their work took it steps further with specific examples that made my mind positively drip full of ideas! Now I can turn this approach into useful coaching for the new client as well as for other audiences, both general and specific.



Immediately I pulled out one of my Staples legal pads and started translating the concepts shared into practical examples I can use to any audience I present to. Incredible! It's the format and approach I've been needing. I can't believe I didn't think of it, yet once I saw it my mind couldn't stop! It was almost 5pm and yet I kept at it, not even thinking of Beer:30 until a good hour later.

In cases like this, when the stream of applications to my business is endless, I'm not trying to wrap up my day, nor nosing through the cupboards and refridgerator looking for a worthy distraction. No - I'm engaged.

I must interject right now what led me to each of these fantastic mind bridges. I was searching. Discovery is such a healthy, natural activity for us, that when we allow ourselves to discover, we are bound to find useful, fun, relevant material that we sink our brains into. We allow ourselves to attract that which we need.

And I have been needing new fodder for creative ideas. I've been looking for ways to upgrade my tools and coaching strategies, my methods of getting OUT THERE. So I began by scanning topics put out there on the web (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other mediums). This is time well-spent.

Once I am in moments like these described, I furiously write to take notes, to apply to my circumstances. I write out onto my action lists enough info to engage me later, so I continue bringing myself back to the notes and ideas until I've applied them into my routine. That follow through is important. I'm a slow and steady gal who gets tapped out if I try to complete the task all at once. Knowing that my mind was dripping, I disciplined myself to follow up in small bits.

My lesson is learned. For instance, I am scheduling regular discovery sessions throughout my week. Exploration takes time, takes discipline and also is enjoyable. So why not plan for it? That's the lesson I learned. Plan to explore. It's refueling. My mind is positively dripping with ideas!