Productive Networking Comes from Connecting

As with technology, when two business networking sources connect, power is unleashed.
Nothing tells this more readily than my networking meetings today.

A Columbus LinkedIn connection agreed to have coffee with me after I reached out by saying simply, "Hey, we're both in the LinkedIn GETDOT group and I don't think we've met. Want to?"

Being a relationship-driven guy, my contact agreed, invited me to join him at the Columbus Athletic Club and we had breakfast. I asked him how LinkedIn is working for him, had him share how he uses social media in general, and the next thing I knew he asked me about my business for a very special purpose. He was intrigued by the study of presentation techniques. Being a seasoned attorney, he is now paying attention to how to tweak his skills to win more cases and better support his clients.

As a result, he is introducing me to his professional peer group who all are looking to grow in areas I can help with!

Again at lunch today, another network acquaintance and I started discussing upcoming summer activities, then after I asked him to talk about his accomplishments for a bit, I was able to seek some guidance from him on a target market of mine whereupon he eventually invited me to write articles for the LinkedIn group he manages. Bingo -another successful meeting!

Finding the connection with people is key. And it's not as hard as it may appear. It includes observing the communication style they use and catering to it. Whether they are introvert or extrovert, people or task focused, connecting well is all about forgetting yourself and appreciating them for who they are.

For tips on the 4 communication styles, click on above title for a new blog link. Want some guidance in connecting while networking? Let me know :)

merri@bdbcommunication.com

There's Power in New Information

Over the past week I've had a hitch in my step. It's been lifting me out of my seat and into motion. It's been inciting my attitude toward enthusiastic conversation and bringing me into motivational sharing. All because I've been reading.

Sure, I have been reading fluently over the past 10 years (ever since I stopped teaching!) in my spare time. Proof of this is the recurring fine list at the public library. I wander through the new acquisitions and easily grab 3 or 4 books every week. Most weeks, anyway. Whether they're nonfiction or a variety of attorney/spy/terrorist novels, they attract my attention.

But the newest read is online. This isn't a plug for reading mindless blogs - this is a pure appreciation for discovering a writer who, like me, is focusing her work on the development of attorneys. What a find! I no longer need to reinvent the wheel to discover unique patterns within that professional group. Ronda Muir has done the work for me. Now my focus is in applying it to my ability to serve them in such a way they value the results.

For instance, I have learned that 70% of attorneys are introverts. Knowing this, I am thrilled to conclude that my communication confidence coaching has landed on a great target market. Whether they are in the courtroom, in an office meeting, at a networking event or with clients, they will be stumbling around unsure of themselves in most cases. With my ability to relate (from an introvert's perspective and experiences) to their challenges and needs, combined with my knowledge and accomplishments in helping people speak with confidence whether interpersonally or presentationally, attorneys who work with me will now feel better about themselves at the end of the day.

Until I read that statistic, I had taken a shot in the dark, using my intuition to guide me in my target market. Now that I am validated by this new information, I am motivated to appeal to that industry with more gusto.

New information can give us motivation, especially when it's relevant, meaningful, understandable and focused. It's important that I surround myself with great resources (whether people, books, bloggers, websites, etc.) so I continually stay excited about my priorities and responsibilities. Only then will those around me benefit. They will see the transparency of my emotional expression, sense the energy in my activity and get attracted to what I have going on.

For others who are business owners, salespeople, attorneys or other professionals who are in the position to influence, it is vital to surround yourself with new information. It has power.

And for speakers/presenters who wish to influence, to inspire or to bring people into action, researching your topics of interest is important. Yet learning as much as possible about your target market, your audience and their interests will add a hitch to your step. You'll get pulled along by the momentum of your own desire and hook others into your journey as well.

Keep reading, stay motivated, keep talking to vibrant, intelligent and experienced resources. It affects your attitude, your message, your delivery, your connection and what you are projecting. It's the difference between life and death when communicating.

Nail the Message

Without a well-prepared message, we lose what it is we're saying. And so does our audience. With one that is prepared, tested and familiar, we nail the focus of the moment.


If you want to nail the focus of the moment, review what the best messages have in common.

The best messages have some general things in common:
1. They are focused. The speaker stays on track with a clear intention, well-explained details and although not predictable, logical conclusion.
2. They are understandable. The language used is common to the audienced and is significant to their circumstances.
3. They are meaningful. Not only is the information logical, it connects emotionally (perhaps shares consequences, benefits, hopes, etc.) This gives it value.
4. They are insightful. Messages stand out when the information is shared from an uncommon yet relevant perspective.
5. They are fresh. With the number of "experts" on so many topics of interest, it isn't easy to come up with fresh material unless you stay on top of your subject area, surround yourself with good resources and are willing to share.

Repeating what is already familiar, or sharing what is not understandable is a mark of unplanned and thoughtless effort. Messages with this result are quickly tuned out.

Nail the message and you get an audience who wants a relationship with you, who is appreciative of your effort and who sees your value.

Where Are You Going with This?

Sometimes it's such a priviledge to be invited to speak to a group that we lose sight of how to function. Our emotional brain seems to win over our logical brain which leads us to ramble on and on without a sense of direction.

Or at least this has been my experience - and I mean from a speaker's standpoint. Some of my best learning experiences have come from dismal failure. For instance, for the first few years of my speaking career I had too many things to say in a short amount of time. I recall the first time this happened - way back in high school - when I was called to present my Buckeye Girls' State experience for the local VFW who sponsored my involvement.

Excited to speak of my priviledge of being selected, I shared many FUN things that came from the week-long stay. Although a HS sophomore, I spent little time away from home. So a week-long stay was a huge journey in life for me.

I avoided one trap many speakers fall into - talking about things they really know little about, just to appear smarter. Buckeye Girls' State opened the world of politics and governance to me, someone who paid little attention in Government class. And if these women wanted to hear about my lessons there, they were disappointed. That was a blur to me!

All I could focus my speech on was the people I met and the activities I hadn't experienced before (new campfire singalongs, the academy-like showcases of victory in elections, the responsibility of leadership within the dorm floors, navigating the campus in a timely manner, etc.)


I entered the VFW hall without a prepared script, which also meant I hadn't practiced for clarity or timing what I had to say. Essentially, I simply blurted out what I had so much fun doing, rambling with expressive and passionate glee about my week until it seemed I had spoken long enough.

Fortunately, the women were all highly engaged, for I rattled on endlessly. However, there were several things I could have done differently to walk away with the focus on wonderful opportunity they had given me and to persuade them to continue to do so.

Let me contrast that speech with one I gave a few months ago. This new one was to be to a group of candidates for political office who, like me, may have been introverts. My topic was in Giving them hope in their speaking and networking activities, regardless of their confidence level. And my speech could last no more than 2-3 minutes, while they were eating!

I used a simple formula that is timeless, valuable and leads to positive results.

1. First, I determined how I wanted my audience to think of me during the course of the speech and by the conclusion.
2. Secondly, I focused on them, not me, by relating to their circumstances - both the opportunities and the natural challenges.
3. Finally, I gave them some tips for meeting the challenges while offering to be a resource if they chose to follow up to gain further benefit.

Before the day of the speech, I clarified my focus, wrote my message, and I practiced it aloud in a voice that fits the impact I wished to make on them. This told me several things: how much time the speech would take, how easy it was to say it with the existing wording, and then I learned what needed to be deleted.

Usually I have too much information. And although many speakers will talk faster as a result, I know this loses audiences. So it's important to drop needless information. NOT THE STORIES, though. That's useful. It compells emotional interest.

After engaging audience interest with a story about my introverted nature and the challenges I faced as a result, I shared a highlighted version of information which amounted to a simple strategy that I used to break down these natural barriers. This approach with bulleted strategy develops the desire to learn more, which as a business owner who wants to attract clients and as a writer who wants followers/readers, and as a presenter who wants to begin relationships with people, it's important to do to make strong emotional connections and engage curiosity.

I don't cheapen my message by holding back on delivering meaningful information for free. I give it. It's just that I simplify the focus and then dig deep with supportive information. A 2-3 minute message is a perfect way to develop the discipline of writing your message, for it requires a very select area of attention. When we hone a focus, we can look at it from a variety of angles. Listeners appreciate this in-depth overview with even an isolated topic.

Speaking requires really doing your homework. If the message is only a few minutes, the planning, writing, re-drafting, practice, refocus and eventual final message can take hours to create. But it's worth it. It demonstrates our concentration, our ability to use the listener's time well and the appeal for more from us.

At the conclusion, we want people to be eager to use what they've just heard because they have been informed, enlightened and motivated. And by distilling how we wish to come across first, we deliver the message using language and gestures which support it. The last thing we want an audience to say is, Where are you going with this? Instead, we want our audience to SEE our FOCUS. And we certainly want them to Stay until the message has ended!

What you See is What you Get

This year one of the areas of focus I have made a commitment to is in hearing public servants speak. You can tell a lot from a person's presentation.

Forget the fact that often these people are trying to appear "off-the-cuff" by using teleprompters. It may appear they are often looking at any of us, yet if we are standing in the line of focus between the podium and the teleprompter, we may momentarily think they not only are looking at us - they keep coming back to us as well!

Can you see the teleprompter posts? If so, what you see is what you get. The speaker is focusing where the message is, not where the audience is. And there is little connection they are making to the audience as a result. Forget the fact that teleprompters are designed to lend the feeling of strong audience connection. It doesn't happen. The speaker is too focused on staying on top of the message to take time to make eye contact.

It may appear they have their message committed to memory, yet they are completely dependent on the script showing up in two sight lines, one on the right and one on the left, allowing them to span the audience continually. The message may be familiar to them, yet it isn't solid.

No matter how much they review that message, as long as it is presented in front of them, they will seek it. And this doesn't give them comfort. It gives them great pain. It is unnatural. It doesn't allow them to have necessary pauses, to look away momentarily, to be enlightened by a sudden thought. The pain of the teleprompting is the technical team controls the pace of the speaker by controlling the pace of the script.

What happens to the speaker is transparent. Unnatural restriction of emotion overwhelms them. When smiles, frowns, joy, frustration, admiration or other emotion could naturally support the speaker's words, there is a blank face. Blank, because the speaker doesn't allow life to enter the moment. Blank, because there is little heartfelt sensibility going on. Blank, because the pacing disallows emotional engagement.

Instead, redness out of embarrassment, out of stress or pressure to stay "on" in a rhythmic, vocal way, redness overtakes the speaker's face and nervousness becomes their mode of operation.

This is a very transparent experience. The speaker appears befuddled, or overwhelmed, or unsure or lacking commitment. The speaker seems unprofessional as a result.

What you see is a speaker reading a monitor, disconnected to their passion behind the message. They are following the teleprompter vs. leading the audience towards influence. Turn off the teleprompter! If the speaker is making a commitment to their message, prove it. Study it, practice it, become it and present it. Otherwise, the speech is no longer important. Only watching the speaker try to keep up is important. Only watching whether they are connected to their own message is important. Only watching to see whether they will look anyone in the eyes while speaking words from their heart is important.

What you SEE is what you get.

Come on, You can finish that sentence....

Ever meet with someone who, when talking, can't seem to finish what they are saying? Although this may occassionally happen to anyone, it is not the usual style of the majority of the population. But when it happens to someone continually, I get frustrated.

There are those who shift gears mid-sentence, not only once, but multiple times. This disrupts the flow of the conversation. Although it keeps the listener alert, it eventually forces the listener to give up on understanding what the speaker is trying to say. No doubt the speaker is just as frustrated, unless it's a habit.

When I am the listener, I want to get to the end of the sentence. It's like driving to my destination. I may enjoy the ride, but when it comes right down to it, I want to get there.

From my days in theatre I recall the actors who struggle when finally off-book. Not allowed to look at their script, they must rehearse what they know and ask for what they don't know. Yet almost 100% of us don't want prompting. We want to get there on our own. How frustrating it is for the rest of the group waiting for the right words to finally fall out of their mouth! Yet they just fall short.



We try to help out, mouth the next part, point to a clue or just say it. All the while thinking, "Come on, you can finish this." or "Didn't you prepare?"

When a slow speaker or responder is in action in a business environment, we question either their intelligence or their credibility. We assume they're making things up as they go along. The same in a personal or social environment. No doubt any of us can be stumped by a question here or there, yet slow, deliberate speakers communicate discomfort.

Compound the scenario with a short lesson on Communication Style.



Both the D's and the I's in the above visual are fast talkers. Although either of them may stumble when mixing words or ideas, the listeners aren't getting uncomfortable with a slow speed. The C's and S's may, on the other hand, be much more methodical. Their slower, cautious pace will be a hindrance to the other two styles. But for themselves, they will seldom feel discomfort with slow pace.

Stuttering or stammering, which isn't accounted for in the above diagramn, is a product of an internal miscue. Not a pacing issue, it is addressed only through professional help. Pacing issues can be addressed through awareness, practice and focus.

If pieces of the message are slowing you down, it's about understanding it and creating your own version. When the symptom is in the delivery, attention to style while practicing a new rhythm is important. With a speech or communication coach, this problem is addressed within a few months for those who regularly commit to it.

There is power in our message, yet it can be undervalued by our delivery. These pieces, though related, provide separate opportunities for us to develop into a very influential communicator. When this happens, people sit on the edge of their seats not to finish our sentences, but to get every word. That's the outcome we want.

What it Actually Means When We Give

I remember crying when I first read the book, The Giving Tree. In Shel Silverstein's classic way, this story unfolded with such fluid unravelling of child-like spirit.

Been awhile since you read it? It has been for me. Yet a few images I recall are how the fully mature, brightly green-leaved tree became a stump. All for the good of one individual, proving how much the tree loved that human being. And proving even more how it loved so much that it willingly gave.

Yes, I recall wanting to share that book to the children at the church I attended. And when I wasn't given the permission to read it during the Children's sermon, I realized how little the church ministers valued themselves.

There is a direct correlation between how we give and our perception of self. Either we fear our value is limited and we are stingy, or we value ourselves (our thinking, our beliefs, our support structure and our actions)enough to give well to others, either of our gifts or talents, or we give them freedom to take some control from us.

Strong value of self leads us to act with trust. On a daily basis, how do we demonstrate this? Do we agree to meet others in their own terms? Do we listen despite an apparent difference of opinion? Do we approach with courage our tasks? Do we forget past experiences with those around us enough to start fresh today?

I know my answer - I often act showing fear vs. trust. Yet I see how this really communicates more about my feelings about me than my feelings about others. Were I to relax into the moment, to listen with openness, despite my concerns, I may discover more possibilities. I would come across as trusting, and I may even feel confident as a result.

What it actually means when we give - similar to Shel Silverstein's Giving Tree - is that we have faith in how we can react. In Silverstein's book, the tree didn't always inspire worthy reactions from the young boy it was sacrificing for. But ultimately, that young boy/man/crippled sage devoted his heart to his friend. The tree held a strong resolve in long-term investment.

What does it actually mean when We Give is only second in importance to What it actually means when we Don't Give.