On the Introvert Wish List - Part 3

Last week I wrote parts 1 and 2  On the Introvert's Wish List - read at your leisure. Today's focus is something I will be craving by the end of the week.

We have several activities lined up to visit family over the Thanksgiving holiday. Starting with Thursday, which includes visiting, eating out, and probably more visiting. Then hitting the road Friday morning to get to the Ball State game for parent's day, then out with the family, then next morning the same adding more to the mix, then the long drive home. I will cherish the long drive home.

It doesn't take long for the introvert to exhaust their energy when around people. A few hours, and instead of being recharged by those they're with, we get sapped of it. So a precious gift you can give an introvert is time to simply step back, perhaps within the same room, and watch. There's a concept of the flaneur which comes to mind.

"As a member of the crowd that populates the streets, the flâneur participates physically in the text that he observes while performing a transient and aloof autonomy with a “cool but curious eye” that studies the constantly changing spectacle that parades before him." This individual gains energy by taking in his surroundings, writing the scripts in his  head of what is going on within those he sees.

Our long drive home will give me the chance to participate as a flaneur in my quiet, observant way. Yet if given the freedom to be on my own, doing my own thing while with others - not needing to actively engage in conversation or games - I can then get my wish as well. Some see this as my being aloof, yet this is a treat for me, as it is for most introverts. Having time to observe without participating is relaxing and refreshing.

Have a chance to give an introvert a gift? Consider allowing them the flaneur's freedom. You'll get them back later, full of energy!

Validation or Education - Which feedback do you want?

We watched her struggle through her presentation, rambling on about the points she thought she should make, voicing thoughts and finding examples, yet not sold on anything herself. Her stream of consciousness speaking, evident by her inner-focus and demonstrated by her commitment to talking through her thoughts, gave her the chance to produce some poignant, insightful remarks. But she didn't know this. She was still digging, still trying to clarify her message.

She sat down, crumpled in her chair, glad to be finished.

We applauded, knowing she needed support. Yet what we were all wondering about is, who was going to tell her how to pull these thoughts all together? How were we to offer the assistance she needed?

They'll Laugh at Me

Being laughed at is one of the most devastating, dibilitating fears for the majority of us, especially for introverts. It keeps us away from speaking platforms, participating in meetings, trying out for group activities as well as from going out in public.


If we have this fear, it's because we've directly or indirectly experienced humiliation, and we assume it will happen again. It's a story we tell ourselves to keep us from taking a risk that makes us uncomfortable. It's a story that plays over and over in our heads to keep us in our comfort zone. And the more this happens, the lower our self-esteem. Soon we have shut ourselves away and greatly limited our unique value.

This is a story. And we are the authors who can change it.

Living along the continuum

I've been doing it for awhile, and so have others. We classify ourselves as either introvert or extrovert, forgetting we have tendencies towards each temperament. We tend to view our choices in life as whether they support who we are - whether outgoing or reflective - before we finally conclude, "Yes, I can do this. It's who I am." While awareness in our temperament gives us wisdom, helping us understand ourselves, this awareness is not the means to the end.

On the Introvert Wish List part 2

Yesterday was part 1 of On the Introvert Wish List, focusing on giving them time to think. Today I'll address what's to me the second most important item on that wish list - the chance to get away.

Retreat is a coveted desire of introverts.

On the Introvert Wish List

Extroverts, by nature, want things that go fast. Introverts, by nature, want things that go slow. The holidays are coming around the corner, and as we become more mindful of what those we love really appreciate, we can better support their wish list.

Included among the few things introverts wish for (and there are several future blog postings to address these) is Time to Think.

Getting the Introvert into Practice

In Cypris Chat I ran across an article on Readers' Theatre Circle written by Professor Merryman. In the article Merryman focuses on the exploratory activity of gathering folks together to read aloud cinema scripts, focusing on intonation, timing and other conversational and improvisational elements. As a theatre director and performer, I recall doing similar things and getting such creative insight as a result.

Of late, I made use of a variation on the activity to build my confidence prior to presenting a teleseminar.