Introverts, Now Make Something Happen

I really love introverts. We go deeper and get more involved in the meaning of and importance of things than others do. Yet sometimes we forget to do something about it.

I've been there, too. I pour myself into a topic, sit for hours in front of my laptop doing the due diligence, make notes, get excited about my thoughts and ideas and then find my legs start jumping up and down. It's at that point that I know it's time to do something about what I've learned.

It's time to act.

Introverts can Go for the No, Plan for the Yes

In a Leadership for Life course, I was once given instruction to see how many times I could ask a question that could be answered by "No".

"Get 10 No's a day" was the recommendation. Really?? I hate it when people say NO!

Many thought this bizarre - why would we want to ask questions that seek a "no" response?

Aren't we better off playing toward the "yes"?

But I knew exactly where this was going - I could sense it based on who I am.

I hardly ever asked questions that could potentially get "no" answers. Those were too uncomfortable. My introverted experiences with getting "no" shut me down. Just thinking about this made these huge vibrations go off in my brain - "You can't handle NO!"

So when this course instructor said to get 10 no's a day, I realized that was the best advice I could get for stepping out of my comfort zone, eventhough I hated it.

I began asking silly things of waiters - "may I have more water?" soon was followed with "could we have more rolls, too?" "Would you please divide up our checks separately?" and sometimes, "could I get this reheated?"

As I asked these questions, I felt  more authority.

I asked the questions with a smile on my face. In my intent to get 10 no's, I was getting only yes's. I couldn't believe it.

Then the asking transferred into my business dealings. "Would you be willing to make this connection for me?" "May I attend that networking event with you next time?" and then slowly I began making the bigger asks - "Based on what you want in communication support, does this fit with what you have in mind?"

I felt fully alive. Suddenly, like when I stand backstage before I perform with my band - I felt expectation and hope when sitting with a prospect. I loved it. I didn't know how the situation was going to turn out, but I knew I was prepared to accept it. Will they say no?

If so, I am that much closer to achieving my result of seeing how far I can go. But this was my business. Do I risk asking these tough questions? If so, I am leading. I am purposeful.

Can you relate?

If you can, it's hard for you to ask for the sale. It may be hard to get a co-worker to assist you. It may be hard to delegate or to pick up the call to seek an appointment.

Desensitize yourself by seeking No.

Although you don't plan to get the no, plan to ask questions that you otherwise woudn't ask for fear of getting no. Simply asking while desensitizing yourself from the fear.

Try it for 7 days - get 10 no's a day. Let me know what happens!

Believe or Don't Believe

On Easter Sunday, our minister made a startling point.

"It's not my job to convince you of anything today. Either you believe or you don't believe. But I am here to tell you what this day means to me."

And on he went with a series of stories about what it means to have Jesus with him on a daily basis.


Like Pastor Tim, I am not here to make believers out of anybody either - whether from a religious, a sales or a social issues perspective. All I can do is tell stories about what I believe in. And in my case, I believe it's worth it to believe in the gifts I have been given, - whether I'm an introvert or not - enough so that I speak up in timely ways.

6 Tips for Speaking Up

One of the hardest things for us introverts to manage is how to share the chatting in our head with those around us. We commonly observe, compare, judge, and wish we could voice our thoughts. But so often we don't. We are hording golden nuggets.

When We Are Deliberate

I used to direct an exercise called "Enter the Room" with actors as a reminder of human behavior in given locations.

"Enter the room as though you've never been there before."

"Now enter the room as though it's familiar."

"What changed?"

Usually the actors would shift from observation mode to purpose. For instance, in the first case they slow their movement, taking in the space from side to side, top to bottom, gently planning their next steps. Yet it is apparent they are tentative.

But if the space is familiar, they can skip that "taking in" and go right to their purpose for entering, whether to get a glass of water, to remove and place their jacket, to find someone they know in a particular place - you get the picture.

Knowing that our movement and activity communicate our relationship to a space and those around us, it makes sense that our purpose, comfort and confidence all at once show up. There's nothing more telling than someone's purposeful, deliberate action. Comfort and confidence show up when we are deliberate.

Consider the difference in what you are communicating if you enter the space where you are to present a talk if you've been there before vs. if the first time you enter is 15 minutes prior to your talk.
Your level of readiness and ease of movement set the tone for what your audience can expect of you. Without these, your confidence and comfort are slow to show up.

It doesn't take much to be deliberate - it's simply about gaining familiarity in advance so our focus can be on purpose rather than discovery. Confidence comes from practice, including practice in getting to the right place, knowing who to ask for details and how to move forward. When we are deliberate we are focused, and so are those who notice.

When Meetings Follow the Rules

I recall a time I presented a topic to a firm's practice group when the firm administrator was present. He sat off to the side where he could gain an advantage of being in the room while also witnessing the participation of others during his scrutiny of me. He is a conscientious rule follower, especially one desiring the meeting facilitator conduct efficient meetings. So he was particularly interested in discovering how I would hold true to my own agenda.

As the meeting facilitator it behooves me to demonstrate both flexibility and structure so everyone's time is well-spent. Especially the introvert's.

In the Flow Presentations

Ever feel as though you are the only one who has enjoyed the flow of your topic? After stepping away from your audience, if people say to you, "I can tell you enjoy presenting," think about whether you let them enjoy your topic too.


One of the things I have learned as a presenter is the Rule of Thirds. It came to me years after I had first stepped into high school classroom training, but just soon enough to make a difference for my adult audiences. It has to do with adult learning styles. We adults learn based on three different things.