Playing It Safe

"See a penny, pick it up. All day long you'll have good luck!"

For years I've been collecting pennies, taking them to the bank and getting rewarded for the discipline of stooping over. Maybe it earns me a night out on the town. A new pair of jeans. Or the chance to dump them all onto the floor simply to stack them in neat stacks of ten, count and discover how much I've saved.

If you were to ask me about playing the lottery or gambling, I'd say it's a waste of money. But then came the chance to visit Vegas and play the penny slots. Again, I pondered letting money just slip through my hands. For what did I know about gambling?

I am not a card counter, nor do I really understand how to strategize about winning. But with the slot machine, there couldn't be strategy, right? It's just about luck. And hearing the whir of the spins. Watching the lights flash while in play. Hoping to land that moment when bells ring and coins pile onto the floor.

Yep, I decided to take the chance to play the slots. The step I was willing to take is saying YES to the 1 cent machines. But first I separated the coins in our jars and baskets into penny and silver piles. I counted them, bagged them into a freezer-sized ziplock and stuck it into our carry-on so they never left my sight.

My partner Kim told me perhaps it would be easier to manage if we took them to the bank, changed the coins into bills and stuck them into our wallets.

"But then we'd just have to change them back when playing the slot machines."

I couldn't wait to feed them one cent at a time into the machines, pull down the lever and spin the fruit. I didn't want to waste our time having a cashier convert them for us.

Ha!

Slot machines aren't quite made that way any more. They accept singles, fives, tens and twenties. No pennies. And now that I've learned how to place bets on them, per spin and lines of play, I see why. A spin isn't really worth just a penny. Not unless you're playing to waste your money. To make it worth your while, I learned, you must play several lines of fruit at a time, and bet at least a penny (usually more) per line. But it took me quite awhile to risk spending my money that way before learning how to play.

Playing it safe, whether with slot machines, business, relationships or life, just leaves me wanting more. Sometimes playing it safe is avoiding setting limits. Just letting life come at us and deciding then and there what to do. The irony is that is the most risky way to approach life - without thinking things through. Without creating a strategy. Without taking it seriously.

Just as slot machines have evolved to let people take risks after having determined their own limits, we as humans have evolved to handle more than we usually allow ourselves. We too often avoid the challenge we're so equipped to handle - conversations, stellar performances, physical or mental endurance - because we choose to Play It Safe.

What would other people say if they knew we took such a risk?

Life brings us opportunities every day. Just like with pennies, if we ignore picking up the opportunity, then we are sending signals to the universe that we are unaccepting of gifts being brought our way. When we say NO to things that are manageable, we eventually feel the need to say YES to things that aren't.

20 Behaviors that Limit Success

Behaviors we may have once revered as key to success are now seen as those which lock us out of career opportunities.

Thou Shalt Test Thyself

Test thyself.
Ever wonder what happened to this commandment? Before Moses went up the mountain, he heard it directly from God.

"Test Thyself".

"What? Is someone talking to me? No way. I must be hearing things."

"Come back here. Test thyself," God repeated.

"Huh? Is that bush on fire? Oh my God, I need to get out of here!

"Moses, test thyself. Stay put and listen to me."

"Huh?"

"Lead my people," was the command. "Tell Pharaoh to let my people go."

"What?" Moses responded. "I'm afraid of talking."

"Are you questioning me?" God continued.

"No, but God, I don't like to talk. I'm afraid."

"Look at what you're doing right now. You're standing up to me. What could be more terrifying than standing up to God?"

And God continued...

"Don't you know there are things you can do that you've not yet even tried? You've been skirting around the issue lately. You keep crying out in frustration for the sake of other Israelites who are being mistreated, yet you run away hiding, afraid to let any of the Egyptians know it. Do you think only they have power? You aren't testing yourself."

"But I wouldn't know what to say."

"You're doing a mighty fine job of holding up the conversation right now, Moses. I think you've passed the test. What could be more important and awe-inspiring than talking to me, the great I AM?"

You'd think of all commandments, Moses would have written this one down first. Thou Shalt Test Thyself.

Hundreds of years later, Jesus repeated the command, our Great Commission - Love One Another. Revealing it in the parable of the Good Samaritan and others, as well as to his disciples when instructing them on how to go out into the world, he essentially said, Test Thyself.

Yet all we focus on is the identified TEN commandments. Eight of which tell us what NOT to do, and two commandments that reveal very passive actions (I know, it's an oxymoron): Honor thy parents and Keep the Sabbath. Where is our Active sense of stepping up to the bush in these commandments?

Did Moses forget the very first commandment he was given before he even went up the mountain? Is this why he dropped the original set of tablets -because he didn't want us all to be in the position to test ourselves?

It's easy to see that today we stay focused on protecting ourselves - avoiding the courageous, the uncomfortable, the conflict. Consequently, when we protect ourselves, when we avoid, we live to regret. And God knows we don't want to live with ourselves when we regret.

So Test Thyself. Physically, mentally, emotionally, intellectually, humbly, professionally, personally, any way we are nudged to become a living example of what is possible when we step up to the burning bush. 

Confidently, discovering when we need help, we will ask for it. Confidently, using our character, our heart and our mind we will experience full use of our abilities. Confidently, realizing that when we make an error - because we will - we will know how to handle it.

Thou Shalt Test Thyself. Today, tomorrow and the next day. Because we are not alone. And we are commanded.

Too Much to Say

My barometer that measures how many words is too much is sharper when I am listening to somebody than when I am the one speaking. If I'm listening to someone who has talked for too long, my fingers start reaching for something to do, my breath goes deeper, and sometimes I even hold my breath. Fairly consistently, my body naturally tells me when someone has had too much to say.

But when talking, well, that's another story. I get in the groove of what I'm sharing and quickly shift from focusing on the listener to instead focusing on me, especially on what comes next to mind. If I have already shared a new perspective or concept, I must add the details that adequately support it, and of course after that, I would offer stories that bring it to life.

All to the complete delight of my audience. Or so I think. Only too late do I notice someone has started making a distracting noise (coughed, slid a chair, interrupted or begun playing with their phone). Yet, at this point I am annoyed at their interruption, not seeing their obvious desire to move on.

Certainly their barometer has reacted much too quickly! How intolerant. How insensitive. Don't they get it?

Obviously, in these cases, I have had too much to say. And with that, I will conclude this post.

8, 10, 16, 24/7

Some people really love what they do.

They start out watching and reading up on their interests. They collect things that demonstrate what these interests are. For me at one time, this was frogs. Not sure why, yet sometime in my junior high years, I began with a single ceramic frog. Soon it evolved into stuffed frogs, photos of frogs, even jewelr. And although I had begun to grow out of this interest, others thought of me and thought of frogs. So I emersed myself into the fad.

That wasn't a full time focus. I had other interests - sports, reading, biking and soon it became theatre. In time I found myself fantasizing, as many teens do, about making my interests a full-time focus. But in reality, I saw little chance of commiting to any of the above, even theatre. That took energy, and I was much too passive.

Today, as I observe folks in their professional lives, I notice the full-time focus of one thing commonly - technology. Since technology used to be the phone, when I was growing up, I shyed away. It required too much investment of my energy in keeping someone else entertained. Today, technology has shifted to keeping the entertaining to SELF.

Email, Ipods, Blackberries, facebook, linkedin, YouTube, twitter, all tend to replace technology, even when we're at work. Yes, it happened. The line was erased between work and play as we gradually focused on the fun and entertaining. Now the lines are erased between work and life itself.

We so easily shift from 8 hour days to 10, or longer as we get caught up in one form of social media or another. We can't turn off and get further distracted. We claim the need to connect and stay connected, for work related reasons. Slowly we see our lives get away from us. Even though we rationalize that we are adding life to work.

I guess the ultimate question is, how do we feel at the end of the day? Do we still love what we do or are we enamored with our toys?

Snowballing on All Hallows Eve

It started at the gym this morning - miscommunication. Yet at that point it was still manageable. Trainer Ed had left Kim a text "We still on?" Minutes before our 6am appt, Kim received it, ignored it at that point, and then after running into Ed at the gym, realized our plans didn't matter.

Our heinies and other appendages got burned. Ed, full of grins and eagerness to put us to the test, showed us our new routine, which we committed to while huffing and puffing. Ed blew the house down. Lunges, Round the Clock, step ups with weights. While he rounded out the 30 minutes, we discovered new muscles that would ache all weekend. That's when, on Oct. 30, in 57 degrees, I began to experience the snow flakes in the air.

They moved in slowly. The morning business schedule called for phone calls, writing and planning prior to a "power" afternoon of back to back commitments: client, conference presentation and another client while fueling up the Jeep, finding time for banking and buying groceries.

Twenty minutes before my first appt, a cancellation call came in. Okay. That allows me to eat lunch prior to heading out for the conference. And maybe enough time to gas up the Cherokee before the responsibilities kicked in.

Luckily I leave early enough to select a good station on the way, pull up, park and pull out my credit card carrier. Hmph. No credit card. Up to now, I had passed through the last few days needing no cash, and had none with me. A quick glance at my fuel supply tells me I can get to my next appt with some to spare, and still have time to pull into home, rummage through pockets in other jackets worn while out, hoping to find the card I used just three days ago still there.

I drive on, early to my conference commitment, and able to make some calls. Unfortunately all I could do was leave messages to my network, yet I felt productive. My presentation buddies showed up, we ran through our program, and feeling prepared and eager to wow the audience, we moved on to our presentation area only to discover a very small turnout. Well, it's Friday afternoon, when many folks are gearing up for Halloween events, and the trick's on us.

A dozen or so seated themselves in our room while we began the presentation, yet Glinda the Good Witch must have been paying attention, for before we ended, the room was fairly full. Success! I glanced at my watch, saw that although I couldn't yet run home to check on my credit card whereabouts, I was still on time, and flew out to my car. At this rate I could make it to my next appt ahead of time, enjoy the bag of treats we presenters were handed and have time to rinse out my mouth prior to coaching.

I entered the public library, our selected location, and heard "attention patrons, the library is now about to close". Cutbacks meant on Fridays they close an hour early. Crap. Scanning the lobby I notice my companion not yet among us, dig out my parking ticket, rush to the garage, pull out and wait on the side street for my client to show. No luck. I dialed him, left word of the predicament, suggesting an alternative and sit back waiting.

Within a few minutes he calls - "Entering your number in my phone. I'm at the vet with my cat on emergency. Can we postpone?" Hmph. Okay, I think. Now I have more time to find my credit card, get gas, buy groceries and still get home in time to enjoy a few beers while reflecting on this day. We end our conversation and I pull off, heading home.

Parking in our condo's garage, I duck into the mailbox nook, key into our box, and seeing a check for me, decide there's time to run down to the bank before heading off to all the other places. The bank closes in 20 minutes. Everything else I can get to later.

Rushing into our downtown unit, I dig through pockets of jackets worn through the week and finally discover the card. Checking the time I notice 20 minutes is left before the bank closes. Since I'm used to walking to the bank, I know I can make it on foot. I grab my keys, my check and leave my purse and phone behind. If someone wants me, I think, they can leave a message.

I fly through the hall, down the side stairs, out the front security gate and cross the street on my path to cutting through parking lots and alleys while jay-walking whenever I can. The intersection lights are in my favor. I make it to the bank in good time. Laying down my keys, I fill out my transaction slip, eyeball the teller I know and move into place ready to deposit and retrieve some cash - finally.

Making small talk while at the window, I quickly gather up my cash, leave the window and hit the exit while considering whether I will drink a beer before jumping in my car to fuel up and get groceries. Sure! Why not? I race across the street, noticing my shoes are starting to hurt. Terrific Halloween costumes on several adults awaiting the bus distract me, quickly taking my mind off my feet.

For such a day full of possible problems, this day hasn't turned out so bad. And I have cash in pocket! I'm cutting through the final parking lot on my way back to our condo's and it hit me. I don't feel the keys in my pocket. Where are my keys? Up ahead is the security gate. I need the fob on my keyring to get inside. And then, I need our unit key to enter. Suddenly my pace has slowed.

Waiting outside the gate for someone to enter takes me 20 minutes. And although we're lucky enough to have a concierge inside who can assist the residents (I'm hoping he can key into our unit), he is nowhere around. His cell phone number is posted at his office, yet I don't have my cell. It's time to sit down. Just sit down and wait. A blister had formed on my left heel, for in the gorgeous weather my feet swelled, rubbing against the back of my shoe. It's now seaping. Gross. As though I needed something else to focus on. While the delay took hold of me, I realized my day has now ended. I will be going nowhere - no gas station, no grocery store, nowhere.

After 15 minutes the concierge arrives - Con, who is Irish - and tells me he was watching me on the monitor, wondering why I was sitting outside. I close my eyes, shake my head and ask, "Will you please let me into my place?" "Of course!" he bellowed. Upstairs we trudged, and while Con told me of his day's maladies, I kept moving down the hall anticipating the one remaining Blue Moon in the refridgerator. Darn. That's going to have to do for now. Without my keys, I can't pick up more at the grocery, and my heel is too sore to walk to the carry out.

Tomorrow is Saturday, October 31. Today was full of tricks. Tomorrow better be full of treats!

Turned on its head!

Out of frustration, we have a tendency to attack ourselves when we miss the mark. We didn't anticipate the opponent's move. We studied the wrong script. We missed the turn-off. Just when we thought we were ready, we discovered just how unprepared we were.

So was the case when I met with a young man over coffee who has been beating himself up over his job search efforts.

"All they want to do is talk about themselves! It feels more like a debate than a conversation, and I don't like it." From the way he rubbed his hands on his thighs and then raked through his hair with his right hand, he demonstrated tangibly his frustration with himself. "I didn't expect to have to listen to them(the hiring managers) talk about themselves and the company. I thought they'd want to know about me."

This young guy wasn't ready for the reality of job fairs and today's approach to the interview.

Similar are the feelings of business developers, new AND seasoned managers, parents and other adults who had it all together until new circumstances and/or change created chaos in their lives. At these times, our thinking gets turned on its head. And like those silly drinking games with baseball bats on the floor and our forehead attached to the handle while we attempt to walk away after spinning around, we get off balance, lose our footing, and walk away embarrased at looking like such an idiot!

We've all been there. The worst case scenario is retreating into isolation until the world is eventually "righted". And the best case scenario is reaching out to a trusting individual and discussing it.

Only then do we realize, it's not us. We aren't idiots. We simply had our world turned around and with eyes open a bit wider now, we can begin to function again. New information gives us better decision-making, stronger motivation and the will to move forward - this time with balance.

We laugh at our mistakes. We anticipate new lessons and slowly pick up speed in building confidence. We're not only predictable - we're good.