So You're Havin' a Breakdown

Melissa Etheridge has a lot to say about Breakdowns. Click on the title to check out her actual words if you'd like. Below is the modified version for the purpose of this post:

So you're having a breakdown
So you're losing the fight
So you're having a breakdown
And (you're) driving and crying
Unraveled and flying
(Going) through your breakdown tonight

What I know about breakdowns is their eventual beauty. It's not that I crave them - I'm like the rest of us. I hate them. Those downward spirals that throw us on our backs catapulting us on and on in an endless succession of twists and turns until finally we throw up our hands and say, "Enough! Okay, I give up!"

But they're a thing of beauty. For people like me, they force me to pause. To notice my patterns of behavior and to get in touch with what hurts. They send me to the internal hot button that is difficult to articulate. Yet once I do, once I say outloud that thing within myself which holds me back, suddenly I've moved forward.

The beauty of the breakdown is the breakthrough. When we get there. We must get there. Until we get there, there is no beauty, no lesson learned, no chance of breaking the pattern.

Take that downward spiral, express the pain, then see the beauty. Enough of that already - it's time to move on.

At the end of the day

Whether you're male or female, employed or not, college degreed or not, born priviledged or not, at the end of the day you sit back and determine how you've spent your time. Do you need a stimulant to feel good about yourself?

A book, a beer, food, sex or adrenilin rush. Are they the sum and total of your ability to sleep with ease? If yes, what is that about?

Each of us deserves to feel good at the end of the day. The question is, how do we get there? Are we able to fall asleep soundly, to get our rest without fits and turns? The next morning do we awaken eager to arise?

What does it take?

At the end of the day you're another day older. What else?

Back of House

I recently wrote about stepping aside and watching the curtain go up for someone. About the anticipation, the concern and the overall sense of helplessness mingled with faith and confidence.

Can there be anything more anxious than having no control over something you are so intricately linked to?



In theatre, when the director wants to be "there" with the performers, he/she stays backstage to feel the energy and be "in with" the show. At least that's what I call it. Backstage, either stage left or stage right, we wait in "the wings" to feel the rhythm and energy of the performance. From there we are in communion with the production elements - with the stage manager, the crew, the cast, the costumers, etc. No more will those in the show pay attention to the director, for they are now on their own. Yet a step removed still allows the director the intimate experience.

Even further away is being in the House - out with the audience. That's where I prefer to stay. Out of the way of the cast and crew, not seeing all the behind the scenes details, not trying to micromanage. Yet valuing the impact of the production on the audience, I get a first-hand feel for the response it is creating. I have as much enjoyment watching the audience as I do watching the delivery of the production.



And that's where I stayed a few nights ago when I once again had the treat of witnessing the presentation of one of my performers. Way in the back, near the exit sign I watched, smiling, knowing the audience was friendly, eager and supportive. Also knowing my performer was well-prepared while exceedingly charged with energy for the room.

I heard every word - clearly. I felt the nervousness coming from the front of stage, watched the audience respond with supportive smiles, with anticipation of greatness. We were all transported into the performer's grasp. We stayed on the edge, awaiting the energy build, enjoying getting carried into the moment. And when we were excited, we applauded. Loud and vibrant, we responded.

I saw the faces around, felt the rhythm of their breathing, watched them react to the message and so appreciate the delivery. That's when I knew it worked. I saw it, felt it, experienced it. I had stepped aside, watching the performer take control, deserving the response that came as a result. Now I'm ready for more.

The Weak Get Going

Maybe it's because I used to teach and my day ended before 3pm. Or because I'm ADD. Or because my energy is low. When it gets to 3pm or so I also want to move on. To get going - away from the task at hand.

It's like when I'm on a treadmill. I get to a certain point when I'd like to just get off and end the routine. Yet persistence gives me a sense of pride, especially when my body is now acclimated to adjusting and then giving just a bit more stretch. And it feels good.

I guess I get too antsy for my own good. If I've not moved around, I need to stand, stretch, and then go back to the task at hand. As I develop discipline in seeing a task through, I appreciate my stamina. And that leads to confidence in my ability to accomplish things that require endurance. I like that. I develop my capacity to give, to think, to stretch, and new horizons lay out before me that motivate me to make further progress.

When the going gets tough, it's the weak that get going. They're the ones who move on. Who have little to show for their efforts at day's end. They're the ones who complain at the end of the month. Yes, that's often been me. But today, I'm persisting. I'm staying motivated, because tonight I deserve to celebrate - not just crash. Crashing is for those who give up.

Stepping Aside

You've been working with someone now for months. You are helping them prepare their message, deliver it clearly, connect with the audience, and make the impact they want to make. And now it's time to step aside and watch it happen.

What's going through your mind? Did I cover it all. Did I give enough attention to the most important pieces. Do they feel ready. Are they confident. And maybe, am I confident.

Curtain's about to go up, and out of desire for them to perform well, your stomach has butterflies. You know they are well prepared, yet what if something happens? You know what happens from here on out is completely in their hands. Can you handle it?

Whether we are managers, parents, trainers or directors, we all experience these complicated yet natural emotions, logical or illogical mental conversations. It's all a part of stepping aside.

The alternative is to never step aside. Never prepare someone to do what they are fully capable of doing. Never see what our impact on our protege's or trainees or performers performance makes. That's even worse.

So we suck it up. We step aside and let the curtain rise.

Stinky or Hefty?

I can't tell you the number of times I've been an audience member witnessing a less-than-rehearsed presentation, wishing the speaker had taken the time to get familiar with the message and/or delivery, let alone prepare the impact they were trying to make.

The experience stinks.

This is such a common occurrance I want to put out there to my readership the Top Reasons Presentations Stink.

1. The messenger thinks they can "wing it", because they know the topic so well. Although they may know the topic, it isn't about them. It's about the audience. Winging it means the presenter hasn't prepared how to connect, how to relate the information, nor how to influence the observer. Winging it means not preparing - simply acting as though they didn't know in advance to be thoughtful and respectful. To let the audience feel comfortable or at ease with them. To take the opportunity of the moment.

2. The messenger focuses only on information. In this case, the messenger usually goes overboard. He/she is so caught up with trying to impress, there is no life to the message. Instead of adding story and engagement to the opening or to the most important points, the speaker has packed the message full of detail, often laced with acronyms and professional lingo. This messenger has seldom been in front of a group, and it shows. They probably will not get invited back to the podium, so unless they are the person in charge of the event or environment, they will not learn their lesson.

3. The messenger loses focus. Maybe our speaker tells nothing but story after story. In this case, perhaps she/he experienced interest after the first one, and wanting to further develop the positive responses continued on in the "oh, if you liked the first one, you'll really like this next one" way of thinking.

There are two things the audience wants - good information and a great experience. Pairing meaningful information with pertinent application is the key. Without that focus, the speaker has lost the chance to give information and to influence. Loss of focus makes the audience lose interest, develop discomfort, question the speaker's credibility and even leave.

4. Rely on external forces to impress the audience. Just like a resume, power point presentations have only one objective - illustrate the point already being made by the individual. It's not the end-all and be-all of the messenger's value. In fact, I'm an advocate for being the No Technology approach. Unless trying to illustrate a complicated pattern, or to show an image that speaks to the point being made, the best message is one given by the speaker's main tool - the voice/body combination.

A HEFTY presentation is one that lives. It grabs attention, it makes the audience feel as though they were important, and it escapes the constraints of time. HEFTY is memorable - it is lasting without being long. It makes a difference.



No, it isn't easy to prepare a HEFTY presentation. It takes strategy, understanding and resolve to commit to its delivery. But it is worth it. And then it's a cinch once the audience responds so favorably, that another presentation, of similar preparation, will get delivered.

It Pays to Develop Relationship!

Just this week I was provided the great gesture of being introduced to a key contact by someone in my networking community.

Denny, a fellow network member, knows I work with political candidates on their message, delivery, connection and confidence when in front of groups. So as a favor to me, he arranged a meeting between the two of us to introduce me to an influential consultant for political candidates.

To back up, I met Denny at least four months ago at a niche marketing seminar that Michael Daniels, from Outlook Media delivered with one of the Action Coaches in the area. During a break, the two of us struck up a conversation at which time I realized Denny does political consulting.

Once we had coffee, I realized to what degree Denny is connected to the Democratic party and knows those in office and those running. From there he offered his support in getting me involved in helping candidates and suggested I meet a key player in a very successful local consulting firm.

So the day came this week when Denny and I first arrived, awaiting the arrival of our guest. Knowing she was running behind, I had a few choices. I could have learned from Denny more about her and what she's currently working on or I could continue getting to know Denny.

I chose Denny. He was already going out of his way for me. He had arranged the meeting, planned to show up to make the introduction and had followed through. The least I could do was give him a chance to relax and enjoy the time prior to her arrival, so I asked him about his weekend. I had already discovered from him in our previous meeting that he enjoys getting away with his wife from time to time, taking long weekends when he can.

"Great!", he said. "It was very low-key. All except for Sunday I had nothing to do. Sunday I had two meetings."

And just when I was about to seek more information he said, "Oh, that reminds me. I may want your input on one of my candidates."

"You see this Sunday I met with one of them and I'm wondering what you think of his presentational skills and confidence. Would you be willing to come by on another Sunday to listen to him speak?"

Wow. I didn't expect that! For what all Denny had so far done for me, of course I am willing to give him some of my time, whether on a Sunday or whenever it works for us. That's the relationship-building aspect of developing our network. And our willingness to do so, pays off.

Sure the meeting that day went well. Denny had glowing things to report to his friend about me, and what had I done? Accepted his willingness to help me, got to know him in a previous meeting, continued to ask about him and the next thing I know there is enough confidence in me that he is compelled to ask for my expertise, which leads to a very easy sale.