Mission Possible

As my readers know, I've written about ways to celebrate the introvert over the past several weeks. I understand their struggles with extroverted behaviors, especially as attorneys and other service professionals who need to develop strong client and network relationships. I am also an introvert. And I have a mission to help introverts share their strengths with the world.

Getting Back to Thinking

King Solomon is legendary for his ability to discern judgment. Consider how he handled the issue of which woman was to keep the newborn baby when 2 claimed to be the mother. No DNA testing then, no experts or witnesses to speak on either's behalf. So when King Solomon called for his sword to split the baby in two, the real mother called out in horror to let the other keep her child.

Getting back to thinking will save our world.

Building Conversation

I can remember sitting at the cafeteria tables with my high school friends listening to spirited conversation about fashion, music or relationships while I nodded my head and smiled between bites of my lunch.

I wanted to appear interested eventhough I hadn't a clue what to say. Although my mind was chatting away - I really don't care about what dresses Jane wears....Spiro Gyra - that's a band name not a ride at Cedar Point? - nothing seemed to come out of my mouth. I was stuck.

Today, dinner parties, some networking luncheons and other social engagements lead me to feeling the same thing. Often the conversation is around topics which mean little to me. At these times I could use some guidance on how to build conversation, in meaningful ways.

In yesterday's post, E. F. Hutton moments, I shared the idea that the quiet leaders often say very little. We introverts don't need to keep up with extroverts on the quantity of participation in conversation . We want to be purposeful and valuable. In so doing, we simply want to know how to participate in meaningful ways while many around us simply add superficial comments.

Of late the following three tips on building conversation have served me well:

1. Offer an observation based on what you have just witnessed, read or experienced. We introverts spend much of our time thinking and supply this activity with fuel from observation and reading. In addition, we reflect over our experiences and would relish getting feedback.
2. Ask a question that seeks information about an opinion, instruction, etc. This is a natural direction for us to take. We introverts help others out by getting more information for others to reflect on.
3. Share an opinion or idea with the listeners. Although this is often the last in our means of contributing, it is quite often the most important. As thinkers, we introverts can share perspective others are not considering.

It may not be surprising that the rich parts of conversation come from us introverts, at least if we actively build ourselves into it.

E. F. Hutton moments

I was born in 1960, so growing up in the 70's I often saw TV commercials capitalizing on the power of E.F. Hutton's people engagement. I guess that meant he was wise, said few words and was deeply respected. He was a quiet leader. If you'd like to have fun with the 1970's TV commercial, click here.

For some reason, many today believe the ones to be respected are the talkers that command attention by taking the floor the majority of the time. They have lots to say and are willing to share. They are loud, have great energy and often know how to make people laugh. They entertain.

What leadership style works is generally different for people, yet one thing is evident - leaders come in all styles. This is great news for the introvert. If we are to advance and excel in our careers, using our strengths is key, and also taking advantage of opportunities to speak. Business meetings, networking events, public forums all offer opportunities for our E.F. Hutton moments.

There's no need to feel we must become extroverted and change our personalities. When we embrace the quiet leadership style, accept the invitation to share, smile while sharing, we gain respect in quiet ways.

We really enjoy ourselves

Introverts are known to spend time alone.

For those of us who are not introverts, we assume when someone is alone we must call or visit them. Certainly they wouldn't want to be alone. Yet for introverts, being alone is a treat.

On the Introvert Wish List - Part 3

Last week I wrote parts 1 and 2  On the Introvert's Wish List - read at your leisure. Today's focus is something I will be craving by the end of the week.

We have several activities lined up to visit family over the Thanksgiving holiday. Starting with Thursday, which includes visiting, eating out, and probably more visiting. Then hitting the road Friday morning to get to the Ball State game for parent's day, then out with the family, then next morning the same adding more to the mix, then the long drive home. I will cherish the long drive home.

It doesn't take long for the introvert to exhaust their energy when around people. A few hours, and instead of being recharged by those they're with, we get sapped of it. So a precious gift you can give an introvert is time to simply step back, perhaps within the same room, and watch. There's a concept of the flaneur which comes to mind.

"As a member of the crowd that populates the streets, the flâneur participates physically in the text that he observes while performing a transient and aloof autonomy with a “cool but curious eye” that studies the constantly changing spectacle that parades before him." This individual gains energy by taking in his surroundings, writing the scripts in his  head of what is going on within those he sees.

Our long drive home will give me the chance to participate as a flaneur in my quiet, observant way. Yet if given the freedom to be on my own, doing my own thing while with others - not needing to actively engage in conversation or games - I can then get my wish as well. Some see this as my being aloof, yet this is a treat for me, as it is for most introverts. Having time to observe without participating is relaxing and refreshing.

Have a chance to give an introvert a gift? Consider allowing them the flaneur's freedom. You'll get them back later, full of energy!

Validation or Education - Which feedback do you want?

We watched her struggle through her presentation, rambling on about the points she thought she should make, voicing thoughts and finding examples, yet not sold on anything herself. Her stream of consciousness speaking, evident by her inner-focus and demonstrated by her commitment to talking through her thoughts, gave her the chance to produce some poignant, insightful remarks. But she didn't know this. She was still digging, still trying to clarify her message.

She sat down, crumpled in her chair, glad to be finished.

We applauded, knowing she needed support. Yet what we were all wondering about is, who was going to tell her how to pull these thoughts all together? How were we to offer the assistance she needed?