When Introverts Focus on What Works

Yesterday I had a rough day. I watched my partner and her kids hit the road for a fun roadtrip while I stay behind to keep the house in order; discovered one of the songs my band has recorded now has only 30% or less of my harmony in it; and began stressing over my business pipeline for January. I knew better than to let any of those things get me down, but on the other hand, I immediately felt sorry for myself. I fell into the pattern of relishing the pity and fell into a pretty deep hole.

So I got out - although not out of my predicament, I did get out of the house.

Fortunately I had places to go and things to do. Three and a half hours later my spirits were better, I was thinking differently and I had a plan for focusing on things with a positive behavior change.

For most introverts, when we are hit with difficulties, we ruminate over them until we really process the "feeling" part of the challenge. And we're so good at going deep to problem solve that we go deep with ourselves and end up with disaster. So it's imperative we switch our focus from those things that don't work to things that do. At these times, we need people around us who are focusing on other things - light or heavy, either can give us a break from our ruminating. Yet if the topic is more serious we put more meaning into it and let this new topic replace our old ruminations.

Focusing on what works means either paying attention to those things we are skilled at or experienced in or focusing on other people's thinking. Get absorbed in something other than yourself and you walk away with new perspective about your own situation. For instance, last night I attended a goal-setting seminar presented by David Emerson Smith, intent in paying attention to his seminar approach as well as his goal-setting process. In both counts I admired several things.

Although I was paying attention to Dave - deeply immersed in learning - I immediately shifted to applying his ideas to my own seminar approaches as well as applying his ideas about positive behavior change to my own goal-setting. I walked away refreshed and motivated, seeing the opportunity in time alone, in seeking constructive criticism for vocal harmony or other band-related responsibilities and in shifting my pipeline activity to more productive efforts.

For us introverts, the best way to dig ourselves out of a hole is to give the shovel to someone else. You read how this worked for me. How can you do this?

In Good Company

6 degrees of separation demonstrates the power of community by suggesting how interconnected we are to others. In social media, the LinkedIn platform readily links networks of all my contacts, proving how by connecting to 700 or so folks I am really linked in to 6,500,000 with 9,600 just in the past 4 days. Yet the most poignant focus for me, as an introvert, is who I really connect with - other introverts.

This morning I found a great video montage on Youtube of famous introvert celebreties. As I watched this video I recalled the essence of each celebrity personality and found a quiet, wisdom from each. That's something worth linking to. Enjoy your own contemplation of this by clicking on Famous Celebrity.

Like what you see? You're in good company. Keep this file at the ready for those days you undervalue yourself or feel less than motivated. Introverts are the game changers for progress and perception in the world. And you create good company for those you're around as well. Remember that this holiday season.

Your Speaking Gigs for 2012

In my theatre experience folks often ask me, "Merri, do you prefer directing or performing?" And my usual response is, "whichever I'm doing at the moment". I have come to love the craft of the performer - planning for an event or show, rehearsing it, gathering the nervous excitement prior to it's starting and then finally experiencing the flow of the performance when well-prepared. The audience response has to be the best part of it, though.

Yet, the directing piece allows me to witness the light-bulb moments of others: both those performing and those in the audience. From the exploratory process of connecting the performer to their part (message, character, delivery, rhythm, etc.) to the shift from their own anxiety to excitement - working with others on helping them really love what they're doing and who they're being is precious.

And the same goes for speaking.

Conquer your Fear of Public Speaking

I work with some of the best public speakers - and many of them are introverts. Yet several have also been extroverts. They share a common interest - conquering their fears.

Where the introvert is the commonly held example of an individual who fears speaking in public, the extrovert can also relate.

Introvert work conflicts start from within

Do you find yourself questioning your choice of career after you've already begun it? Many of us do, and yet for introverts, sometimes we talk ourselves out of the very career that gives us purpose - at the very time that we could actually do ourselves and our world the most good. And then we hang in the balance between purpose and results.

If you think you're out of practice

Ever feel you just can't make enough improvements because you don't get enough practice? Many speakers would agree this is something that holds them back. And to a degree, I understand. Yet I also know this type thinking is an example of narrow application.

Many litigators have told me a similar tale. They focus their energies on the argument and the strategy yet can't get enough presentation  practice. Their inability to learn key techniques and then apply them to regular life prohibits their presentation and just may be prohibiting their practice. One presentation basic, being clear, can be practiced in many daily ways.

Extroverts can sometimes relate

Although it seems extroverts and introverts struggle with getting along (see this article for some tips and detail), quite often both temperaments are flexible enough for the other. Especially when the conversation directly focuses on temperament. It seems these are the times we are most ready to learn.