Introverts can effectively build conversation

A few months ago I wrote a post titled, Building Conversation.  In it I shared a few tips on how to move into the conversation-building mode. Introverts tend to listen so much in other's conversations that they don't know how to contribute, or build, on what others are saying.

Recently a reader - also a self-identified introvert - offered his perspective to building conversation while networking. This great perspective is below.

I would add a practical point that I often share with those seeking to do “networking,” which is to focus on the relationship rather than demonstrating “expertise” or “selling” one’s product or services.  

Begin with questions about the individual, what they do, successes at work, family life, and travel.  The opportunities will come in the conversation to take the next step, or may come at some point in the future.   

I find that viewing such conversations as opportunities for building a new relationship is a great approach for a few reasons.  First, such topics are easy to handle.  Second, the introvert doesn’t have to do much talking, rather they are asking questions.  Third, the conversation seems natural and not like some kind of forced or artificial networking effort.   Lastly, with some foundation, it is easier to transition into points you would like to make (i.e. networking, selling, etc.).

Let me know how these specific tips resonate to you. In the meantime, Thank you to Russ Dempsey for supplying the suggestions!

What suggestions do you have that you would like us to consider? Please contribute.

The Best Performers are Introverts - Why aren't you speaking?

It doesn't take long for me to feel anxious before the curtain opens on a performance I'm in. Likewise, when I enter a space at a conference or meeting environment prior to speaking, the adrenaline and body triggers that are signposts to my nerves are on rapid-fire. In my case, my underarms sweat while my hands go cold.

Yet I continue to perform. It's about the connection, the chance to live purposefully, the moment for charging the air with good energy. The day I learned that my body would respond the same way when I am enthused as when I am nervous, I learned a key lesson. Don't assume you're about to take a dive, unless you're swimming.

If you are also an introvert, as I am, you may be one of the best performers, if you let yourself be. No doubt you have become an expert in a topic or two, are focused on staying calm under pressure and take time to read the audience. All of these reasons make the Introverts, not the Extroverts, the best performers.

Maybe you also play in a band, sing or act. Neither would surprise me - I, too, do those things. You are creative, reflective and skilled at paying attention.

When it comes to public speaking, please consider it. You have what the audience wants. When you realize that, you will take the time to plan, prepare and practice. You will shift from thinking you are not good enough to creating a positively memorable experience. Think about. Then agree to do it the next time you are asked. And you will be asked.

If you think you want it, I would love to help.

When Introverts Focus on What Works

Yesterday I had a rough day. I watched my partner and her kids hit the road for a fun roadtrip while I stay behind to keep the house in order; discovered one of the songs my band has recorded now has only 30% or less of my harmony in it; and began stressing over my business pipeline for January. I knew better than to let any of those things get me down, but on the other hand, I immediately felt sorry for myself. I fell into the pattern of relishing the pity and fell into a pretty deep hole.

So I got out - although not out of my predicament, I did get out of the house.

Fortunately I had places to go and things to do. Three and a half hours later my spirits were better, I was thinking differently and I had a plan for focusing on things with a positive behavior change.

For most introverts, when we are hit with difficulties, we ruminate over them until we really process the "feeling" part of the challenge. And we're so good at going deep to problem solve that we go deep with ourselves and end up with disaster. So it's imperative we switch our focus from those things that don't work to things that do. At these times, we need people around us who are focusing on other things - light or heavy, either can give us a break from our ruminating. Yet if the topic is more serious we put more meaning into it and let this new topic replace our old ruminations.

Focusing on what works means either paying attention to those things we are skilled at or experienced in or focusing on other people's thinking. Get absorbed in something other than yourself and you walk away with new perspective about your own situation. For instance, last night I attended a goal-setting seminar presented by David Emerson Smith, intent in paying attention to his seminar approach as well as his goal-setting process. In both counts I admired several things.

Although I was paying attention to Dave - deeply immersed in learning - I immediately shifted to applying his ideas to my own seminar approaches as well as applying his ideas about positive behavior change to my own goal-setting. I walked away refreshed and motivated, seeing the opportunity in time alone, in seeking constructive criticism for vocal harmony or other band-related responsibilities and in shifting my pipeline activity to more productive efforts.

For us introverts, the best way to dig ourselves out of a hole is to give the shovel to someone else. You read how this worked for me. How can you do this?

In Good Company

6 degrees of separation demonstrates the power of community by suggesting how interconnected we are to others. In social media, the LinkedIn platform readily links networks of all my contacts, proving how by connecting to 700 or so folks I am really linked in to 6,500,000 with 9,600 just in the past 4 days. Yet the most poignant focus for me, as an introvert, is who I really connect with - other introverts.

This morning I found a great video montage on Youtube of famous introvert celebreties. As I watched this video I recalled the essence of each celebrity personality and found a quiet, wisdom from each. That's something worth linking to. Enjoy your own contemplation of this by clicking on Famous Celebrity.

Like what you see? You're in good company. Keep this file at the ready for those days you undervalue yourself or feel less than motivated. Introverts are the game changers for progress and perception in the world. And you create good company for those you're around as well. Remember that this holiday season.

Your Speaking Gigs for 2012

In my theatre experience folks often ask me, "Merri, do you prefer directing or performing?" And my usual response is, "whichever I'm doing at the moment". I have come to love the craft of the performer - planning for an event or show, rehearsing it, gathering the nervous excitement prior to it's starting and then finally experiencing the flow of the performance when well-prepared. The audience response has to be the best part of it, though.

Yet, the directing piece allows me to witness the light-bulb moments of others: both those performing and those in the audience. From the exploratory process of connecting the performer to their part (message, character, delivery, rhythm, etc.) to the shift from their own anxiety to excitement - working with others on helping them really love what they're doing and who they're being is precious.

And the same goes for speaking.

Conquer your Fear of Public Speaking

I work with some of the best public speakers - and many of them are introverts. Yet several have also been extroverts. They share a common interest - conquering their fears.

Where the introvert is the commonly held example of an individual who fears speaking in public, the extrovert can also relate.

Introvert work conflicts start from within

Do you find yourself questioning your choice of career after you've already begun it? Many of us do, and yet for introverts, sometimes we talk ourselves out of the very career that gives us purpose - at the very time that we could actually do ourselves and our world the most good. And then we hang in the balance between purpose and results.