When We Are Deliberate

I used to direct an exercise called "Enter the Room" with actors as a reminder of human behavior in given locations.

"Enter the room as though you've never been there before."

"Now enter the room as though it's familiar."

"What changed?"

Usually the actors would shift from observation mode to purpose. For instance, in the first case they slow their movement, taking in the space from side to side, top to bottom, gently planning their next steps. Yet it is apparent they are tentative.

But if the space is familiar, they can skip that "taking in" and go right to their purpose for entering, whether to get a glass of water, to remove and place their jacket, to find someone they know in a particular place - you get the picture.

Knowing that our movement and activity communicate our relationship to a space and those around us, it makes sense that our purpose, comfort and confidence all at once show up. There's nothing more telling than someone's purposeful, deliberate action. Comfort and confidence show up when we are deliberate.

Consider the difference in what you are communicating if you enter the space where you are to present a talk if you've been there before vs. if the first time you enter is 15 minutes prior to your talk.
Your level of readiness and ease of movement set the tone for what your audience can expect of you. Without these, your confidence and comfort are slow to show up.

It doesn't take much to be deliberate - it's simply about gaining familiarity in advance so our focus can be on purpose rather than discovery. Confidence comes from practice, including practice in getting to the right place, knowing who to ask for details and how to move forward. When we are deliberate we are focused, and so are those who notice.

When Meetings Follow the Rules

I recall a time I presented a topic to a firm's practice group when the firm administrator was present. He sat off to the side where he could gain an advantage of being in the room while also witnessing the participation of others during his scrutiny of me. He is a conscientious rule follower, especially one desiring the meeting facilitator conduct efficient meetings. So he was particularly interested in discovering how I would hold true to my own agenda.

As the meeting facilitator it behooves me to demonstrate both flexibility and structure so everyone's time is well-spent. Especially the introvert's.

In the Flow Presentations

Ever feel as though you are the only one who has enjoyed the flow of your topic? After stepping away from your audience, if people say to you, "I can tell you enjoy presenting," think about whether you let them enjoy your topic too.


One of the things I have learned as a presenter is the Rule of Thirds. It came to me years after I had first stepped into high school classroom training, but just soon enough to make a difference for my adult audiences. It has to do with adult learning styles. We adults learn based on three different things.

Social Pressures at Work

This morning I attended an executive breakfast that included a presentation in team building techniques for effectiveness.

Ironically, I had just read Susan Cain's chapter, When Collaboration Kills Creativity from her book, Quiet. The gist I took from Cain's chapter is, it's okay to encourage collaboration, but add a healthy dose of individual, uninterrupted work to the mix. Yet from this morning's presentation I felt the introvert's need for quiet and focused individual work is forgotten in most work environments.

Sales are not Tim's Gum

One eye-opening experience I had in first grade taught me a lesson about human nature that has stayed with me today. A fellow classmate, Tim - a timid and honest boy- had drifted off into his head, away from the lesson. Our teacher, Mrs. Showalter, noticed this. To bring him back into the moment with the rest of us, she simply called him by name.

"Tim," Mrs. Showalter said.

"Gum," was his immediate response as his face turned crimson.

"Excuse me?" Mrs. Showalter remarked, her eyes big and her mouth almost laughing.

We first-graders watched Mrs. Showalter regain her composure and stole looks at Tim as he covered his mouth, wondering whether Mrs. Showalter had discovered he was chewing gum in class before he confessed.

"Gum", Tim repeated.

"I see. You have gum in your mouth. Tim, would you please remove the gum from your mouth and throw it away? I believe it's time you pay attention again."

"Yes, ma'm."

We watched Tim slide out of his desk, pull the gum from his mouth and saunter to the wastebasket, hanging his head. Sheepishly he deposited the gum and apologized. "I'm sorry, ma'm." Whether he was sorry he brought attention to his crime or really sorry he attempted to chew gum in class, we don't know.

I have a feeling Tim was not enjoying his stick of gum, having to chew it on the sly, hoping dear Mrs. Showalter didn't discover it. That stick of gum probably lost its flavor quickly.

Here is what I learned. Whatever bothers us stays so top of mind that we cannot focus on anything but it. As a result, we teeter between being stuck in our head with or blurting out those things causing us pain.

Confidence in Asking

When I started observing jury trials to coach attorneys in confidence and influence, I enjoyed watching opposing attorney communication style and quickly learned a few key things. In general, those who were prepared - mentally and logically - demonstrated the most confidence. But I was thrown by the shift in a confident lawyer's approach when he/she switched from the prepared questions to the follow-ups.

Any good attorney will say, "never ask a question you don't know the answer to". But great ones know there are times to ask the questions you don't know the answer to. During voir dire.

Do you understand them, individually?
Like someone pitching a sale, attorneys need to use the process "Seek to understand and then to be understood" during the jury selection/deselection process. This means get the jurists, like prospects, to talk. Introverts, this is something you can be really good at. The more others talk, the less you have to.

When giving sales pitches or demonstrations with my audiences, I have failed if all I do is seek a show of hands. Equally poor is a well-placed question to a jurist without appropriate follow-up. Is it better to know or not to know someone's bias? If it's better to know, - and of course it is - then it's appropriate to dig deeply enough to uncover a bias during voir dire.

Follow your instincts. Practice asking the tough questions. Discover what's being covered up. Seek to understand those who have the power to decide your case. Introverts, if you need to take a moment to word the next question, simply state, "give me just a moment". Do not move on without asking it. Extroverts, remember your time asking questions about the jury is not about you. Seek to understand those deciding your case.

The confidence we have in asking the tough questions is proportionate to the respect and admiration onlookers will have for us. If our questions lead to uncomfortable candidate moments during voir dire, selection/deselection is that much easier. You need to know who is going to give you the best hearing.

Begin Practicing Today
So put into practice today your willingness to follow up with meaningful questions. Choose people on which to practice this process. Those close to you, who understand your career, could be ones to regularly test your skills on. Get comfortable with following your instincts and asking the deeper, more insightful questions.

The more confident you are in asking the difficult questions, the more influential you will be. Your case, and maybe your client, depends on it.

Pushing Forward

On this day of the week when it's common to drag ourselves slowly out of bed, into the day and into focus, I am reminded of a move I made to begin pushing my own barrier out of the way. Some of you may have read that I have been a student of the National Speaker Association's Protrack VI class in Ohio, a class that one of my classmates calls "the MBA for professional speakers".

Through the 8-month course we students have examined not only our speaker style, our message and our business strategy. We have also seen the number of ways we could step out into new territory with our business and our own professional speaking practice. This examination - common to many professionals who strive to remain purposeful - though fearful, is also motivating. So much so that I called upon one of the instructors to mentor me. And the double-edged sword answer is, he said yes.