Managing the Negative Perceptions

It's Monday. Planning for your day ahead you realize you are scheduled to attend an internal meeting. And you wish to make a good impression with your meeting participation. You consider, what do people expect of me? That I talk? That I have energy in my manner? That I respond quickly?

If you're an introvert, these expectations do not match your temperament. And when your behaviors fall short from the expectations, there is a perception gap that remains which begs the question of you, Is there something wrong?

Feed your Introvert Downtime Need

It's Friday, a great day for us introverts to reduce our stress. If we've been out meeting with folks during the day through the rest of the week, maybe even attended a few "required" evening events, we need the downtime. Friday is a great day to set aside "me" time: follow up on the paper trails, focus on needed research, and/or make the next prospecting list.

This week I have focused on Stress, the #1 Introvert Barrier Pattern, while addressing some of the factors that cause it: work overload (see post Inside the Lines) and focusing on the physical symptoms (see post Physical Symptoms Don't Have to Derail Us). And another contributor to introvert stress is people exhaustion.

And the Winner Is...

Today is a big day for a client of mine. She is winning an award she is humbled to receive and eager to speak well for, in response. When she called me to seek guidance in creating and practicing her acceptance speech, she had 2 major thougths to share:

I can't believe they picked me

I want to validate their selection

Yet guess which thought her first draft of the acceptance speech focused on? You guessed it - disbelief. For the first several minutes her message focused on why she didn't deserve the award. I knew right away this dear soul isn't used to getting and/or accepting recognition.

Physical Symptoms Don't Have to Derail Us

In theatre I learned that our body feels the same when we are anxious as when we are excited. Butterflies happen both times. The butterflies we feel moments before the curtain opens - that queasiness which affects the digestive system, that makes our ears go red and our palms sweat - are symptoms that we give meaning to sometimes without thinking. Whether we are experiencing these symptoms in our professional or personal lives, when we assume the worst, we get it.

Inside the Lines

Coloring was a very enjoyable past-time for me as a child. I took my time selecting which crayon color I would use for the patterns in my coloring book, took my time testing out the color's smooth feel on the page, testing out its ability to evenly display the hue within the lines and, all-the-while, it gave me a sense of calm. What I didn't like about coloring was sharing one page of the book while someone else used it. It seemed they were always finished first, waiting on me to catch up. That put pressure on my slow, methodical, calm approach. I tried to do more, choose quicker, forget about the joy of sliding the crayon on the pattern. Just get it done. Yet as an introvert, getting it done wasn't important.

Managing my workload is the adult perspective of learning how to color inside the lines. It helps me create the calm I am after, unaffected by those working alongside me. Unfortunately, many introverts are motivated to do too much, because they are seen at thorough, as experts, and are encouraged to commit themselves to more things more often.

Do you ever have workload anxiety?

Yesterday's blog post, Introvert Barrier #1, focuses on stress and the three factors that introverts most often are impacted by. The first factor, work overload, is one that was a huge factor in my teaching career. For 16 years I was a high school speech, English and drama teacher, early on enjoying coaching of basketball and volleyball, although feeling inadequate in the roles. My favorite extra-curricular commitment was the directing of high school plays and musicals. I enjoyed it so much, I let that focus expand so that I directed 2 productions yearly and gradually added being the Executive Director of the community's local youth theatre program in addition to my full-time teaching.

There is a behavioral pattern called Doing Too Much, Pushing Too Hard that I quickly subscribed to. As you can imagine, late nights with theatre rehearsals and early mornings of homework grading became a part of my routine. Not on occassion - but this was my mode of operation. I commonly brewed and drank 6-8 cups of coffee each morning prior to leaving home en route to school. As any introvert can tell you, burning the candle at both ends leaves a nasty impact on the body, yet it's worse in the introvert's mind. I was left thinking I would never see an end to this routine - I was good at what I do and would always be responsible for taking on multiple projects while being expected to handle the work-day classroom load.

My error was in my thinking - I thought others were responsible for my overload. Others saw my work and wanted more. My aha came when I realized it was up to me to decide how much is too much. And then do something to set and maintain my own boundaries.

In business we see this philosophy as the ability to create desire, fulfill it, and leave them wanting more. Some business owners think the customer dictates our work schedule and our production. Others believe less is more. Provide the carrot, understand the receiver's interest and motivate their involvement. Even professional speakers and marketers practice the idea of efficiency and focus vs. rambling forever.

Work overload kills energy and confidence that introverts are already in short supply of by nature. The best thing I did to address my own circumstances was remember what I was good at and say yes to those commitments while saying no to things I had once believed I "needed" to do. No more detached coloring-book moments, feeling driven to just get it done. No more Doing Too Much, Pushing Too Hard. I could get back to enjoying the activities of my life, as well as the people.

The decision to commit to few things while enjoying them gave me back my personality, my private life and even my confidence in myself - let alone reduced my stress. It can for you, too.

Introvert Barrier #1

It's the biggest killer in today's society: Stress.

Introverts feel so much better when we manage ourselves. Until then, we are our own biggest enemy. We tend to let stress do us in. The number one barrier to introverts' self worth is stress. We need to break down this barrier.

As Jennifer B. Kahnweiler writes in The Introverted Leader, there are three common stress builders we habitually allow. They include work overload, focus on physical symptoms that create anxiety and people exhaustion.

Introverts can effectively build conversation

A few months ago I wrote a post titled, Building Conversation.  In it I shared a few tips on how to move into the conversation-building mode. Introverts tend to listen so much in other's conversations that they don't know how to contribute, or build, on what others are saying.

Recently a reader - also a self-identified introvert - offered his perspective to building conversation while networking. This great perspective is below.

I would add a practical point that I often share with those seeking to do “networking,” which is to focus on the relationship rather than demonstrating “expertise” or “selling” one’s product or services.  

Begin with questions about the individual, what they do, successes at work, family life, and travel.  The opportunities will come in the conversation to take the next step, or may come at some point in the future.   

I find that viewing such conversations as opportunities for building a new relationship is a great approach for a few reasons.  First, such topics are easy to handle.  Second, the introvert doesn’t have to do much talking, rather they are asking questions.  Third, the conversation seems natural and not like some kind of forced or artificial networking effort.   Lastly, with some foundation, it is easier to transition into points you would like to make (i.e. networking, selling, etc.).

Let me know how these specific tips resonate to you. In the meantime, Thank you to Russ Dempsey for supplying the suggestions!

What suggestions do you have that you would like us to consider? Please contribute.