What it Actually Means When We Give

I remember crying when I first read the book, The Giving Tree. In Shel Silverstein's classic way, this story unfolded with such fluid unravelling of child-like spirit.

Been awhile since you read it? It has been for me. Yet a few images I recall are how the fully mature, brightly green-leaved tree became a stump. All for the good of one individual, proving how much the tree loved that human being. And proving even more how it loved so much that it willingly gave.

Yes, I recall wanting to share that book to the children at the church I attended. And when I wasn't given the permission to read it during the Children's sermon, I realized how little the church ministers valued themselves.

There is a direct correlation between how we give and our perception of self. Either we fear our value is limited and we are stingy, or we value ourselves (our thinking, our beliefs, our support structure and our actions)enough to give well to others, either of our gifts or talents, or we give them freedom to take some control from us.

Strong value of self leads us to act with trust. On a daily basis, how do we demonstrate this? Do we agree to meet others in their own terms? Do we listen despite an apparent difference of opinion? Do we approach with courage our tasks? Do we forget past experiences with those around us enough to start fresh today?

I know my answer - I often act showing fear vs. trust. Yet I see how this really communicates more about my feelings about me than my feelings about others. Were I to relax into the moment, to listen with openness, despite my concerns, I may discover more possibilities. I would come across as trusting, and I may even feel confident as a result.

What it actually means when we give - similar to Shel Silverstein's Giving Tree - is that we have faith in how we can react. In Silverstein's book, the tree didn't always inspire worthy reactions from the young boy it was sacrificing for. But ultimately, that young boy/man/crippled sage devoted his heart to his friend. The tree held a strong resolve in long-term investment.

What does it actually mean when We Give is only second in importance to What it actually means when we Don't Give.

Remembering What's Important

So last Friday you had a terrific day, one that demonstrated your talents with positive results. And you were on Cloud 9! You entered the weekend on a roll, eager to share the good news with friends, and then something happened. Come Monday morning your alarm clock went off and you gave the typical response. You buried your head and then dragged your tired butt to the alarm to shut it off before plopping back onto the mattress and into the cool sheets.

Your mind fell into its typical scenario - questioning how much energy your body needs to invest into the day. You slumped into a pile on the floor, waited until the cat licked your face before you ascended into your hallway, making your way toward the coffee pot.

It's time to get moving, yet you're fighting it.

You justify your actions by telling yourself last Friday's results have given you a comfort level. Maybe you can take the day off or even call in sick. What's going on? You've shifted from on a high on your roller coaster to on a low. This pattern has been going on for quite some time, so by now you should have realized that the dramatic shifts need to become moderate.

One thing needed is accountability. And there are two ways to get it. One is with self-discipline. Journaling your goals and steps in achieving them while tracking the results on a daily basis. This gets methodical, yet when it comes to accountability, it must be methodical. Tracking the good and the bad helps us see the average, the patterns and the results from the behaviors we tweak.

It requires motivation to see results, to learn from the underachievements as well as from the achievements. This continual focus helps us moderate the emotion. It gives us objectivity so our behavior can level out. When that alarm goes off, it means nothing more than, I am now awake and on my way.

If we can't personally give an account for ourselves, find others to do so with us. Find someone objective, honest and focused on what we have determined is important.

Define first, what is the ultimate objective you're working to accomplish?
Who will benefit from this, and how?
Next, what will it take in the next year to get there?
What will it take in the next 90 days to get the first year's results?
How do we focus on a weekly basis to accomplish this?
Finally, has this week's efforts brought about your 5-day desired results?
If so, take a day off. If not, work.

Write out each of the above so you can continually check your daily/weekly/90-day results against your overall objective. Otherwise, you don't know what's important. And if that is unknown, you also don't know what it will take to create success around your career/professional activities.

Accountability helps us develop discipline which helps us become routine around behaviors that drive results. Put all 5 of these actions into your routine.
1. Get up
2. Get moving
3. Make decisions
4. Act on them
5. Assess results

With this strategy in mind, every day we must REMEMBER what's important. Not our comfort, not our whims, not our pain, our whining or complaining. What's important we have already written down.

How we spend today is important. For our peace of mind. For our ability to feel purposeful, for us to feel we've done what we intended. That we resisted temptation. That we stayed strong. And finally, that we deserve a reward.

Remembering what's important becomes so much easier that once we've hit the mark a few times, we can recall the details of our day with ease. Because it's on our mind. Because it's our focus. Because it drives us out of bed, into action, even when complicated.

Timing is Everything!

Like the photo of the whale popping up just in time to catch a slew of penguins? That had to be a shock to those poor penguins - life altering! Yet for the whale it was one welcome moment!

Animals, mammals, all of nature operates with an "understanding" of cycles. Bats fly in the same pattern, nature flowers in synch with temperature and seasonal changes, bears hibernate in the winter, and you know the rest of the story. Yet for some reason we humans tend to think we needn't use cycles.

In case you, in your life experiences, have never realized that timing is everything, let me open your eyes to this for a bit.

As the whale pictured above may have learned after "stumbling" into the waters where the penguins were, penguins have a fun yet expectant approach to their behaviors. And as one might expect,the whale was no doubt ready to eat and knew just where to go. It, in it's whale way, scoped out the area before, knew to return, kept returning until one day, just at that right moment, profit resulted.

Some who don't understand cycles may ask, "How did he do that?" We know the answer. We understand repetition, continually showing up, continually seeking.

When it comes to communicating, to developing relationship, it isn't enough to test the waters. Testing the waters simply tells us whether the temperature is warm or cold. Testing the waters is only about the present time. But the present time tells us nothing about relationship. Relationship is timing on a continuum. It's about the now, the before, the later.

Through time relationship develops. As my Certified Networker buddies know, when we work on relationships we move from Visibility to Credibility to Profitability. That doesn't happen in one sitting, nor does it in three. Relationship development, just like penguin research, is an investment in time. And that means finding reason to stay in touch, to communicate with frequency and to show up with pleasant unexpectedness. (is that a word?!)

When we discount relationship development, we also tend to be sketchy about our communication. We don't stay in touch and we drop the practice of communicating effectively. For example, many business owners I know - and this sometimes includes me - give up on potential clients too soon. Granted, I'm not talking about the "anybody, everybody" client. I'm talking about the target market, one that is qualified yet may not be ready to say Yes.

A potential client of mine just recently said to me, "No, not yet." And now I understand what that answer really means - "Yes, soon." Timing is everything. In the past I would have given up, upset I had invested so much into the relationship. Today I understand enough about needing things to be timely, that I am content to stay in touch, give valuable information often and act as though they are clients already.

Otherwise, I will miss the mark. I will try to dive in and not account for where I'm at and how deep the water is. I may take a turn, a twist, a maneuver that isn't going to work. And that can hurt. Staying in communication, like staying in practice with diving, keeps us safe, healthy, productive and as far as business goes, profitable.

Positively dripping!

At least twice this week I was caught in moments when time stood still.

Just a few hours ago was the most recent, and because of that it finally dawned on me I need to reflect on this. I need to find out what's going on, plan to get more of it and put these moments to use!

Here's what happened:
Each moment when time stood still I fell into useful sites (blogs, videos, tweets) that echoed strategies or tips or ideas I've been churning around in my head. Yes - it's the truth.

One has to do with blogging to get business. Not about writing about it, but about positioning oneself in key ways with content (free and very useful to readers) that adds huge value and repeat traffic. About generating mailing lists within the blog template. (this one I need help with - can't figure out how to synch this with Blogspot) And also about developing relationships with readers individually to lead to future business.

Over the past few weeks I keep looking at my Blog following (20) and realize it's a pretty small following for what I invest in to write. What to do about this....that has been my dilemma. Now I'm offered a strategy and didn't hear myself ask for it! That made time stand still.

Another time I fell into a networking member's website after getting an invitation to spend the day with them. To explore more of what type of work they do before I spend time with them, I went searching at their website. Once on the site I opened a link that led me directly to a presentation my friend both video- and audio- recorded. I was very interested because it was about effectively communicating complex information. That has been a new client need - effectively communicating complex messages.

What I saw demonstrated is similar information I extol in general terms. Yet their work took it steps further with specific examples that made my mind positively drip full of ideas! Now I can turn this approach into useful coaching for the new client as well as for other audiences, both general and specific.



Immediately I pulled out one of my Staples legal pads and started translating the concepts shared into practical examples I can use to any audience I present to. Incredible! It's the format and approach I've been needing. I can't believe I didn't think of it, yet once I saw it my mind couldn't stop! It was almost 5pm and yet I kept at it, not even thinking of Beer:30 until a good hour later.

In cases like this, when the stream of applications to my business is endless, I'm not trying to wrap up my day, nor nosing through the cupboards and refridgerator looking for a worthy distraction. No - I'm engaged.

I must interject right now what led me to each of these fantastic mind bridges. I was searching. Discovery is such a healthy, natural activity for us, that when we allow ourselves to discover, we are bound to find useful, fun, relevant material that we sink our brains into. We allow ourselves to attract that which we need.

And I have been needing new fodder for creative ideas. I've been looking for ways to upgrade my tools and coaching strategies, my methods of getting OUT THERE. So I began by scanning topics put out there on the web (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other mediums). This is time well-spent.

Once I am in moments like these described, I furiously write to take notes, to apply to my circumstances. I write out onto my action lists enough info to engage me later, so I continue bringing myself back to the notes and ideas until I've applied them into my routine. That follow through is important. I'm a slow and steady gal who gets tapped out if I try to complete the task all at once. Knowing that my mind was dripping, I disciplined myself to follow up in small bits.

My lesson is learned. For instance, I am scheduling regular discovery sessions throughout my week. Exploration takes time, takes discipline and also is enjoyable. So why not plan for it? That's the lesson I learned. Plan to explore. It's refueling. My mind is positively dripping with ideas!

Short Term Sacrifice

Do you love what you do?

When you love what you do, you are willing to do things others may not understand. You are willing to constantly update, upgrade, research and network. You are willing to sacrifice what others see as "fun" and substitute what your time is best spent on.

TV watching, Facebooking, yard work or shopping may all be put aside for other things like reading, reviewing, re-working or reaching for that next level of using your skills and gifts.

What does it take to get what you want?

Nobody has all the answers. What we have is a desire. My desire is to create peace for others while helping them speak with confidence. Those who want this peace are like me. They are introverts. They usually lack confidence while they prefer staying isolated. Yet when they are attorneys or running for political office, they have a conflicting need - influence people to either engage their services or to vote or financially support their campaign.

The only way I can accomplish my goal of supporting the introvert is to be out there, out on a limb. To do this I get to attend evening, morning, noon or other networking events. I get to present to groups. I get to write, speak, create programs and develop quality service for those who overlook their own value.

What am I sacrificing? I consciously decide whether to spend on self vs. spending for others. I consciously question how to take care of self so I can be there for others. My activities - answering my phone, responding to emails, keeping up with Facebook - have gone by the wayside. I am sacrificing "immediacy" for planned, scheduled time to connect with others.

I am sacrificing having a home full of valuable things. I live in a 1300 square foot loft with a very small storage space. My wardrobe, my pantry and my entertainment practices look dismally small and inconsequential. That isn't valuable to me, for it won't do anything for those I'm most committed to.

What I'm gaining is an appreciation for helping people. And that resonates with a supportive following. Short term sacrifice may feel like you're putting yourself out on a limb. Because you are. Yet it's a limb of beauty that won't break.

What if you heard this...

So you're being diligent within your career. You've committed years of your time, your focus and your energy to a particular field of study and set of talents. You burn the candle at both ends. And part of what has given you the successful edge is your willingness to ask for feedback.

You check in as you position yourself for a sale. You check in thoroughly before taking on a new project. You debrief after projects are completed and you continually seek feedback from peers on best practices.

You are a visionary, strategizing toward your end result with plausible goals, taking steps to achieve them. And you are ready to reach for that next level. So you ask a key question of those you're serving:

What can I do better?

Answers cater to the insignificant yet customer-centered tweaking common to many service providers. And then comes another:

If there is one thing I would suggest, it is to be more businesslike.What followed was an assortment of examples, many solid and logical.

What would you do if you heard this?

Like most of us, you may first consider the source and then determine the appropriateness of the comment. Secondly you may question the meaning of the word "business-like" and compare it to the frame of reference of the source. And then you may even give thought to the ways becoming more "business-like" can enhance your value for others.

All emotions aside, you asked for feedback and this is what you got. Feedback, that source of information that without asking for you may not have heard, is some of the most important pieces of information we use to grow by.



Hopefully what you do next is become more businesslike.

Moments of Decision

Yes, I have OFTEN wanted to be guided by divine intervention. I just didn't want it to come from God!

Hoping for a bronze bullet or wand from the willows or secrets from the sublime, I have wanted an inside track into the magical moments of Millions! If the 8-ball could deliver the answer through a floating die cast behind a crystal window, I would pick it up right now. Just don't let anyone catch me using it.

Decisions must be made. Should I like Curly or Moe? Eat now or later? Rent or buy? Take a risk or stay safe? That's actually the bottom line - do I take the risk?

Moments of decision all come down to, is it the right answer? And what if it isn't? Will others make me feel bad?
Will I make me feel bad?
Can I handle it?

Today someone I was with shared he is at a turning point. For guidance he asked me, What do you think?

Granted, it's good to get perspective from neutral points of view. And when asked, I work hard to stay objective. This means keeping in mind what is important to them and measuring choices against that. All from my perspective.

What he asked me is a step better than "God, please make the 8-ball accurate." In that case, the one praying is actually saying I don't care what you think - make sure the other source is giving me good wisdom.

Looking a bit deeper at this, we see something more poignant suggested:

I don't care what I think. What do you think.

My friend really does care what he thinks. He cares so much he wants to be validated without analyzing the information for himself. He has been side-stepping responsibility. In essence, Swinging for the Fence, without approaching the plate. He talks a good talk but has taken little action toward the result.

Today my friend, who is very similar to me in some areas of my life, made the decision to stay the course as opposed to switching to Plan B. Period. And in that moment of decision he picked up the bat. Now that he is putting it on his shoulder, he is heading to the "whole". In the past, he only picked it up moments before he was "up".
There is a sequence he will follow to stay responsible.

In the hole, on deck, batter up. Each phase brings with it a discipline, strategy and willingness to do what it takes. All this was being put off before he made the decision to commit to his plan. There was no "in the hole" work to get himself in the mindset of managing his focus and remembering his value. There was no "on deck" work to review the lay of the land and find the key signals to observe. And there was no "up" time to translate anxiety into excitement, concentration and action.

Moments of Decision ready us for the work ahead. Putting them off wastes everything, especially the base hit, let alone the ability to assist another runner's advancement. Who is dependent on you? What are you willing to do about it? How will you demonstrate this right now? And finally, what base will it get you to?

Walking Away

Recently I read a line out of Kathy Reiche's book, 206 Bones:

Sometimes we walk out on our lives.

I read it out of context, so I can only guess at what she meant since I don't know the details. Yet I found it a profound statement. Enough to reflect on and put out there.

There have been a number of times I can personally attest to walking out on my own life.

For one, I quit teaching after my 16th year to start a coaching business. I had schooled in education, specifically English/speech/communications/theatre. I had many years of practice under me and became fairly good at it, yet chose to walk when I realized something else was calling me. Life as I knew it was now about to end. I wouldn't get a regular salary, benefits, the 3-month vacation. I also wouldn't be grading piles of papers, writing lesson plans and corralling teenagers into a form of classroom management.

Another time "life as I knew it" was replaced with something else is when I spent 8 weeks in the Catskill Mountains studying with the National Shakespeare Conservatory. A summer experience during my teaching career that changed my understanding of "education" forever. Although I earned 19 credits for the experience, since it was a professional theatre conservatory vs. an academic environment, I would not see the usual upgrade in my salary. I saw no upgrade.

That experience, one filled with professional growth, higher learning, meaningful experiences and immediate applications to how I would direct and coach others - that experience showed me the slanted ways we measure growth. It showed me the illogical thinking of value.

For years I had been advised to get my master's degree so I could continue to increase my salary. Although I was teaching English, I didn't want a masters degree in it. I was invited to get my masters in teaching methodology or curriculum development. I didn't want one in those areas either. What I wanted was a masters in theatre or the performing arts. One in directing or performance. But they required a 2 year's leave of absence which I couldn't afford. What I could afford was a scholarship never before given to a HS teacher from the National Shakespeare Conservatory in Manhattan. And what I learned upon my return from that summer study was that although it changed the way I connected with my students and how I performed on stage, it didn't matter to those who offer forms of recognition. It would not change my salary.

WIthin 5 years I walked away from teaching in search of a new way to live and to connect with the world around me. It's not always good to walk away. Nor is it always easy. It is often embarrassing, or demeaning, sometimes even painful. But in these cases of my life, at these times when I was searching for more meaning and for the truth of what is important, I walked out on my life and am glad.

Get out of bed!

Remember the last time you couldn't wait to get out of bed?

Was it because you were off to an adventure? About to recieve an award or honor? Had new clothes to wear? Finally heading out for a vacation?

Getting out of bed gets easier and easier when fun is attached. Our brain is charged with emotional buzz which awakens us, then engages our brain and then our feet start walking. Nothing like hitting the floor running!

If our regular days had fun, if our brains were regularly charged with emotional buzz, what then? How often would we hit the floor running, anticipate adventure, sport new smiles and grins and quickly fly out the door?!

Tomorrow I'm heading out of town to Miami FL, and I know I won't need to hit the snooze. I will eagerly take on this adventure. I love the water, can't wait to visit the awesome hotel overlooking both downtown Miami and Biscayne Bay. Although I'm traveling for work, I also get to play. I can't wait!

Any day that gives me adventure, that helps me laugh, grin and feel great is a winner. So often we forget the joys of life and seek comfort. Although comfort and joy can be a part of the same experience, it usually isn't. Joy is based on moving forward, on seeking next steps, on getting out of bed!

As you set your alarm tonight, consider: Do you want to frown or do you want to grin? If grin, then get out of bed!

In a Slump?

Here it is the day after a long weekend, and if you're like me, you forgot something big time.

You dragged your tired butt out of bed (not because you didn't sleep - you did), after hitting the snooze 3 times. You grumbled about the early hour, the desire for more sleep and then you slowly got over it. Slowly.

All weekend you enjoyed hanging out, reading good books, mingling with friends and drinking a few brews. You got to bed early, sometimes even napped. Yet still your tired butt was slow to respond to the weekday alarm. What's this about?

Yes, the above is all about me. No doubt you were better than that. No doubt you heard the alarm and it had only ring once to get you up and moving. No doubt you smiled, stretched and said to yourself, "YES! I finally get to be responsible again!"

Okay, so that was tongue-in-cheek. The point is, maybe you didn't forget what I forgot.

The way to begin the week is with the end in mind. That pulls me up, straightens my back, adjusts my eye level and gives me a shot of adrenaline I don't usually get when starting my work week.

When I don't control myself, I forget to focus on what I've already done and how excited others were when I completed those things. And when I forget to focus there, I also forget the enthusiasm that goes with doing it again. When enthusiastic, my head is up, my pace is quicker and my mood is bright. But without this focus, I go into self-doubt, hesitant about my action plan and resistant to moving forward. My head droops.

See comic again.




Comfort zones suck us in. And if we've been there for awhile, they really start to cement around us. Like my weekend. I am usually a workaholic, yet last weekend I did little activity - and comfort sucked me in! I took the opposite extreme. Whereas, (gosh that sounds like legal jargon) had I simply reviewed my successes from last week - article someone wrote about me for the Cleveland Examiner, the announcement that a local business networking group is honoring me for the month, my prospects that sought me out and the upcoming appointments I have for this week, I should have flown out of bed.

Tonight I am starting a new practice. Before reading in bed I will review my successes and what I'm anticipating. I can't afford to waste time any more. I don't have 1000 years ahead of me to live my purpose. All I have is today. All I have is right now. This hour. This moment. No more putting things off.

Hold me accountable to this one, readers. By this weekend I will see the time I used was on controlling myself. I will face those emotional triggers in my head that force that voice saying, "You don't really have to follow through with that step yet" into the back depths. Instead I will say, "Get it done!" I will be motivated. I will notice that it takes even less time to accomplish more. And I will enjoy seeing the results.

June will have many appointments, 4 new clients, 2 new speaking engagements, and so many opportunities I will simply have to turn some down. I will get to be selective.
Then when my alarm rings I will arise with gusto knowing I get to be in control of my own life, my own business, my own opportunities.

Goodbye to slumps and hello to Pogo Sticks!