Simply subtract

Addition is the usual sign of success. More toys, more friends, more dollars, more cars, more land, more square footage, more vacations, etc.

Rarely does someone select "subtraction" as a standard mode of operating when their career is going well. Yet simplicity is the ultimate form of reward. And simplicity leads to clear communication - clear mesages.

Grab Baggers

This week I met with a skilled professional who values the art of public speaking, and then in the same breath announced to me that he won't plan his message before he speaks.

Grab bagger is what I said to myself. Grab baggers are presenters who basically speak off-the-cuff, allowing any version of conversation to stear the next point he makes. Grab bagging is one of at least 7 major speaking barrier patterns that produce audience reflections of, "Well she was nice" or "Was there supposed to be a point to this presentation?" or "Did I miss something?" or "Did the original speaker bow out at the last minute?"

This speaker may begin with a question or two for the audience, yet since this conversational element (when well-done, is extremely engaging) can bide time, it hooks the speaker into a pattern of relying on the audience to drive the presentational content. It is the act of a lazy presenter.

Even without audience involvement, the grab bagger may string together a number of points in a topic that are loosely related, expecting that is Good Enough for what is expected on the topic. Without structure and a solid flow of where the points are taking the audience, the presenter has just lost credit with the discerning audience.

Listeners aren't grouped simply to hear a person talk. They want to get something out of the presentation; actually, they'd prefer to get several things. Discerning and professional audiences appreciate the structure of a speech as it lends to new perspective on cause and effect, or appreciated strategy while learning techniques that support it. Audiences like to be given #'d points of assistance, as in "7 ways to turn around a chaotic moment".

Grab baggers haven't given themselves time to prepare. Prepare your speech. Know what specific focus you believe this particular audience will appreciate, how they can possibly benefit from it, what their challenges may be with it and tips in implementing. Create a carefully chosen gift for the listeners. Otherwise, close your eyes and grab at someone else's party.

What it takes to be a tree

Yesterday I read a tweet from the author of Be a Tree, a presentation pointer. Wonderful advice about how to come across as though you stand for something. Here is some of what he said:

Stand still as a presenter. Get your weight on both feet. Balance yourself. Do not stick one hip out like a pop singer. Instead, be the tree. But do not sway. Stand as if you are guarding something sacred, as if you stand for something important. Then, after holding this position for a reasonable time, move to another spot and stand still again. Stillness and movement is very near the crux of any performance art.

Sorry, somehow I lost the author of the post. Yet with my background in theatre and my current focus in presentation, I applaud how he illustrates the quality.

One of my clients has experienced the difference between waffling around ideas and how to express them and in being solid and practiced in her ideas, language and movement. She feels an incredible boost in confidence as she stands with purpose, sharing an idea and its illustration, then moving into her next point, ending with purpose on a thought.

I recall the time I was auditioning for a role that many contemporary actors would call an "actor's dream" part. The Guys was Harvest Theatre's new focus in 2006, the 5th year anniversary of the tragedy on Twin Towers and the many engulfed in fatalities. The show features the captain of the fireman unit that lost all their lives during the rescue attempt. Also filling out the cast is the journalist he partnered with to write all the eulogies he would have to deliver.

The journalist role is meaty - rich, dramatic, funny and real. During auditions I had a wealth of experiences to call on as I stood in front of the casting committee. Unfortunately, I didn't simply stand. When many of us are before a group and not hiding behind a podium or desk, we tend to fidget or pace or gesticulate like crazy. That's what I was doing. And in that process, my voice was loosing control. Not to say that I was screaming - instead I was underselling the script because my body was overselling it.

The director said to me, "Let's try this again. Stand solidly, without movement and take it again." Immediately I understood. In my second attempt I got connected to the monologue. The words had depth, the moment had meaning and I got control back. It worked - for I not only ended up with the part. The performances were rich and true. We learned how to move as well as how to stand and deliver. We were trees.

It takes a few simple things to be a tree:
focus, energy and trust

Certainly with focus we understand the "through-line" of our message. We know the set-up, the connection to the audience and the end result. This doesn't come to us immediately. It takes time to play around with the message enough to clarify where we're going. Then the delivery requires feedback, or at least the observance of people's feedback. Focus is the first step in becoming a tree.

Doesn't it sound odd that it also takes energy? Well it does. One cannot hold themselves solidly without breathing deeply and often. Mental alertness is jazzed with energy. Similar to singing and holding a note, the ability to hold a stance is "rooted" in the energy it takes to stay solid. Mentally we must pump up ourselves for the effort. Relax and the tree-like properties sag.

Amateur speakers seem to believe they are hampered by not trusting the audience's reactions to them. It's actually just the opposite. Those we must trust when speaking or performing is ourselves. We can handle it. We can still ourselves in the moment and create an engaging connection. When the other two properties are mastered (focus and energy), trust is a ready quality.

Tough times require being a tree. Whether on the phone with a customer, whether talking in front of a group or whether performing a rehearsed production, plan and practice focus, energy and trust. Prepare to be a tree.

#1 Skill for Public Speaking

I've been public speaking since my HS graduation day, and because I often receive positive recognition as a result, I fell into a major trap early on.

I didn't research my topic. Although I have usually stuck to what I know (yet there were those times I didn't - disaster), the message could have been enhanced for greater understanding with more up-to-date, relevant information.

It was my ego that got in the way. The "I am an expert on this topic" perspective allowed me to stand in my own way. It is actually a form of procrastination that keeps us out of integrity of speaking with expertise.

Fortunately, of late my speaking and writing is all based on things I've reflected on from others - their experiences, the books I've read, the productions I've observed, the websites and blogs I've visited. What a wealth of information there is that I don't have to come up with - simply enjoy exploring.

Research is the substance of quality thinking. It allows me to gain new perspective, yet it also encourages me to credit others. This in itself speaks to our professionalism and credibility. Thankfully, I am an my best when I reference the value of others over my own thinking. With one side note - thinking it's important to give credit to others is powerful - yeah me! This blog post came directly out of Andrew Dlugan's #1 focus on the 25 skills every public speaker should use.

Got a presentation you're preparing for? Make sure your efforts include researching your topic, even if you already know what you're talking about.

Curtain's Up in the Courtroom!

When I was in college studying communications and theatre in the late 70's/early 80's, I learned that law students were required to take theatre or drama classes. I don't know whether all law schools had this in their requirements, but I didn't care. What mattered to me was that attorneys had to develop some discipline. It made sense to me. Rather like Mark Antony, litigators are performers who must influence their audience (judge or jury)to take action, despite the Brutus's around.

The best understand that the script - message - is the least important piece of the experience. Most actors would tell you that the least enjoyable comment they could receive from an admiring audience member is, "How did you remember all those words?"
Instead, it has to do with moving the hearts and minds, especially into action.

Although it must be carefully focused, the attorney's message/script is only as important as the messenger. Yes, the facts must support the intention. However, without a connection to the listeners, a delivery that engages and a mindset focused on what's important, the message is lost.

Careful preparation, repetition and ownership contribute to the attorney's presence. But what tools and strategies support these actions? If the attorney is working on their own without the benefit of having any theatre training and keeping up with that craft, their focus goes simply to the message. This forces attention on only two things: facts and competition. Discovery, research, interviews, exhibits are the technical end. Relying on them to be the means to the end is short-sighted.

It's like an actor showing up with the right props, the right lines, at the right time in the chronological order of the storyline yet failing to listen, to react, or to breathe. The producer might as well print the entire script in the program.

The good news is, attorneys make a difference to juries when they take their time to connect, to deliver something memorable and clear and to stay focused on what's important. This comes from reviewing the artistic elements of courtroom presence. Practicing, committing to becoming effective, all on behalf of the client who needs their legal counselor to make a performance of their lifetime. Because of the impact on them, the client.

Clients want to know that when curtain's up in the courtroom, the butterflies they and their attorneys are experiencing is from excitement about their preparation which works into energy needed for them to stand and deliver.

Nail the Message

Without a well-prepared message, we lose what it is we're saying. And so does our audience. With one that is prepared, tested and familiar, we nail the focus of the moment.


If you want to nail the focus of the moment, review what the best messages have in common.

The best messages have some general things in common:
1. They are focused. The speaker stays on track with a clear intention, well-explained details and although not predictable, logical conclusion.
2. They are understandable. The language used is common to the audienced and is significant to their circumstances.
3. They are meaningful. Not only is the information logical, it connects emotionally (perhaps shares consequences, benefits, hopes, etc.) This gives it value.
4. They are insightful. Messages stand out when the information is shared from an uncommon yet relevant perspective.
5. They are fresh. With the number of "experts" on so many topics of interest, it isn't easy to come up with fresh material unless you stay on top of your subject area, surround yourself with good resources and are willing to share.

Repeating what is already familiar, or sharing what is not understandable is a mark of unplanned and thoughtless effort. Messages with this result are quickly tuned out.

Nail the message and you get an audience who wants a relationship with you, who is appreciative of your effort and who sees your value.

Where Are You Going with This?

Sometimes it's such a priviledge to be invited to speak to a group that we lose sight of how to function. Our emotional brain seems to win over our logical brain which leads us to ramble on and on without a sense of direction.

Or at least this has been my experience - and I mean from a speaker's standpoint. Some of my best learning experiences have come from dismal failure. For instance, for the first few years of my speaking career I had too many things to say in a short amount of time. I recall the first time this happened - way back in high school - when I was called to present my Buckeye Girls' State experience for the local VFW who sponsored my involvement.

Excited to speak of my priviledge of being selected, I shared many FUN things that came from the week-long stay. Although a HS sophomore, I spent little time away from home. So a week-long stay was a huge journey in life for me.

I avoided one trap many speakers fall into - talking about things they really know little about, just to appear smarter. Buckeye Girls' State opened the world of politics and governance to me, someone who paid little attention in Government class. And if these women wanted to hear about my lessons there, they were disappointed. That was a blur to me!

All I could focus my speech on was the people I met and the activities I hadn't experienced before (new campfire singalongs, the academy-like showcases of victory in elections, the responsibility of leadership within the dorm floors, navigating the campus in a timely manner, etc.)


I entered the VFW hall without a prepared script, which also meant I hadn't practiced for clarity or timing what I had to say. Essentially, I simply blurted out what I had so much fun doing, rambling with expressive and passionate glee about my week until it seemed I had spoken long enough.

Fortunately, the women were all highly engaged, for I rattled on endlessly. However, there were several things I could have done differently to walk away with the focus on wonderful opportunity they had given me and to persuade them to continue to do so.

Let me contrast that speech with one I gave a few months ago. This new one was to be to a group of candidates for political office who, like me, may have been introverts. My topic was in Giving them hope in their speaking and networking activities, regardless of their confidence level. And my speech could last no more than 2-3 minutes, while they were eating!

I used a simple formula that is timeless, valuable and leads to positive results.

1. First, I determined how I wanted my audience to think of me during the course of the speech and by the conclusion.
2. Secondly, I focused on them, not me, by relating to their circumstances - both the opportunities and the natural challenges.
3. Finally, I gave them some tips for meeting the challenges while offering to be a resource if they chose to follow up to gain further benefit.

Before the day of the speech, I clarified my focus, wrote my message, and I practiced it aloud in a voice that fits the impact I wished to make on them. This told me several things: how much time the speech would take, how easy it was to say it with the existing wording, and then I learned what needed to be deleted.

Usually I have too much information. And although many speakers will talk faster as a result, I know this loses audiences. So it's important to drop needless information. NOT THE STORIES, though. That's useful. It compells emotional interest.

After engaging audience interest with a story about my introverted nature and the challenges I faced as a result, I shared a highlighted version of information which amounted to a simple strategy that I used to break down these natural barriers. This approach with bulleted strategy develops the desire to learn more, which as a business owner who wants to attract clients and as a writer who wants followers/readers, and as a presenter who wants to begin relationships with people, it's important to do to make strong emotional connections and engage curiosity.

I don't cheapen my message by holding back on delivering meaningful information for free. I give it. It's just that I simplify the focus and then dig deep with supportive information. A 2-3 minute message is a perfect way to develop the discipline of writing your message, for it requires a very select area of attention. When we hone a focus, we can look at it from a variety of angles. Listeners appreciate this in-depth overview with even an isolated topic.

Speaking requires really doing your homework. If the message is only a few minutes, the planning, writing, re-drafting, practice, refocus and eventual final message can take hours to create. But it's worth it. It demonstrates our concentration, our ability to use the listener's time well and the appeal for more from us.

At the conclusion, we want people to be eager to use what they've just heard because they have been informed, enlightened and motivated. And by distilling how we wish to come across first, we deliver the message using language and gestures which support it. The last thing we want an audience to say is, Where are you going with this? Instead, we want our audience to SEE our FOCUS. And we certainly want them to Stay until the message has ended!

Come on, You can finish that sentence....

Ever meet with someone who, when talking, can't seem to finish what they are saying? Although this may occassionally happen to anyone, it is not the usual style of the majority of the population. But when it happens to someone continually, I get frustrated.

There are those who shift gears mid-sentence, not only once, but multiple times. This disrupts the flow of the conversation. Although it keeps the listener alert, it eventually forces the listener to give up on understanding what the speaker is trying to say. No doubt the speaker is just as frustrated, unless it's a habit.

When I am the listener, I want to get to the end of the sentence. It's like driving to my destination. I may enjoy the ride, but when it comes right down to it, I want to get there.

From my days in theatre I recall the actors who struggle when finally off-book. Not allowed to look at their script, they must rehearse what they know and ask for what they don't know. Yet almost 100% of us don't want prompting. We want to get there on our own. How frustrating it is for the rest of the group waiting for the right words to finally fall out of their mouth! Yet they just fall short.



We try to help out, mouth the next part, point to a clue or just say it. All the while thinking, "Come on, you can finish this." or "Didn't you prepare?"

When a slow speaker or responder is in action in a business environment, we question either their intelligence or their credibility. We assume they're making things up as they go along. The same in a personal or social environment. No doubt any of us can be stumped by a question here or there, yet slow, deliberate speakers communicate discomfort.

Compound the scenario with a short lesson on Communication Style.



Both the D's and the I's in the above visual are fast talkers. Although either of them may stumble when mixing words or ideas, the listeners aren't getting uncomfortable with a slow speed. The C's and S's may, on the other hand, be much more methodical. Their slower, cautious pace will be a hindrance to the other two styles. But for themselves, they will seldom feel discomfort with slow pace.

Stuttering or stammering, which isn't accounted for in the above diagramn, is a product of an internal miscue. Not a pacing issue, it is addressed only through professional help. Pacing issues can be addressed through awareness, practice and focus.

If pieces of the message are slowing you down, it's about understanding it and creating your own version. When the symptom is in the delivery, attention to style while practicing a new rhythm is important. With a speech or communication coach, this problem is addressed within a few months for those who regularly commit to it.

There is power in our message, yet it can be undervalued by our delivery. These pieces, though related, provide separate opportunities for us to develop into a very influential communicator. When this happens, people sit on the edge of their seats not to finish our sentences, but to get every word. That's the outcome we want.

Timing is Everything!

Like the photo of the whale popping up just in time to catch a slew of penguins? That had to be a shock to those poor penguins - life altering! Yet for the whale it was one welcome moment!

Animals, mammals, all of nature operates with an "understanding" of cycles. Bats fly in the same pattern, nature flowers in synch with temperature and seasonal changes, bears hibernate in the winter, and you know the rest of the story. Yet for some reason we humans tend to think we needn't use cycles.

In case you, in your life experiences, have never realized that timing is everything, let me open your eyes to this for a bit.

As the whale pictured above may have learned after "stumbling" into the waters where the penguins were, penguins have a fun yet expectant approach to their behaviors. And as one might expect,the whale was no doubt ready to eat and knew just where to go. It, in it's whale way, scoped out the area before, knew to return, kept returning until one day, just at that right moment, profit resulted.

Some who don't understand cycles may ask, "How did he do that?" We know the answer. We understand repetition, continually showing up, continually seeking.

When it comes to communicating, to developing relationship, it isn't enough to test the waters. Testing the waters simply tells us whether the temperature is warm or cold. Testing the waters is only about the present time. But the present time tells us nothing about relationship. Relationship is timing on a continuum. It's about the now, the before, the later.

Through time relationship develops. As my Certified Networker buddies know, when we work on relationships we move from Visibility to Credibility to Profitability. That doesn't happen in one sitting, nor does it in three. Relationship development, just like penguin research, is an investment in time. And that means finding reason to stay in touch, to communicate with frequency and to show up with pleasant unexpectedness. (is that a word?!)

When we discount relationship development, we also tend to be sketchy about our communication. We don't stay in touch and we drop the practice of communicating effectively. For example, many business owners I know - and this sometimes includes me - give up on potential clients too soon. Granted, I'm not talking about the "anybody, everybody" client. I'm talking about the target market, one that is qualified yet may not be ready to say Yes.

A potential client of mine just recently said to me, "No, not yet." And now I understand what that answer really means - "Yes, soon." Timing is everything. In the past I would have given up, upset I had invested so much into the relationship. Today I understand enough about needing things to be timely, that I am content to stay in touch, give valuable information often and act as though they are clients already.

Otherwise, I will miss the mark. I will try to dive in and not account for where I'm at and how deep the water is. I may take a turn, a twist, a maneuver that isn't going to work. And that can hurt. Staying in communication, like staying in practice with diving, keeps us safe, healthy, productive and as far as business goes, profitable.

Is Communication Coaching for me?

Most people have no idea what to expect from a communication coaching experience. Some wonder whether it's for those who are required to speak in front of groups, or whether it's for leaders, let alone for those who want to improve relationships, focus or a better understanding of themselves.



Consider the following questions and how you may respond to discover whether communication coaching will break down those barriers you want broken down:


1 When you are scheduled to speak to a group, are you at a loss as to how to prepare?

2 Has your speaking fear grown into speaking anxiety no matter what the environment or event is?

3 Is your challenge in how to handle "off-the-cuff" responses?

4 Do you sense that you need to simplify your technical information? Do you want to learn how to edit your material - when everything seems important?

5 Is influencing others, especially key people, your challenge?

6 Do you want to learn how to easily adjust and adapt to feedback?

7 Do you want to be wiser about how you impact people so you can tweak habits accordingly?

8 Do you need to learn how to condense a talk when your time is cut short?

9 Want to learn how to handle tough conversations?

10 Want to manage the voice in your head?

11 Have others asked you to slow down or speak louder?

12 Would you like to be one of those people who walk into any room with presence and confidence?


These are the most common questions clients have that bring them to coaching. If three or more of these relate to you, then you are ready to ask for help, to create a breakthrough for yourself and to generate behaviors that lead to confidence whether in handling tough conversations, presentations, that voice in your head or the relationships around you.

And when you take action around coaching, you are in the top 10% of individuals who actually follow through with what they most desire. Congratulations!

Email Merri at merri@bdbcommunication. We can get started right away.