Presenting Well: The case for rehearsal

Tonight my band, No Excuses, is rehearsing for several hours before playing 2 gigs this weekend. I'm a bit nervous about the gig on Sunday, because we have only been rehearsing for Saturday's performance. Since Sunday's is twice as long, we'll no doubt use about 3 hours or so to focus on Sunday's gig before we polish up for tomorrow's. Then I can breath better and sleep well.

If you are about to present a case to a jury, an informational topic to prospects or open an event for your community, it takes practice. This is not a mental review, reading over a script. This is an on-your-feet, outloud rehearsal, complete with movement, projection, eye contact and high energy. In front of others.

6 Facts about Public Speaking Anxiety

When I was a child I was ultra shy. The middle child in my family, I developed the pattern of letting my older sister do the decision-making and my younger brother handle conversation.

That pattern made me comfortable yet did little to help me break away from the communication barriers I created. What this means is, I had problems entering conversation, getting to know people, making decisions and feeling confident around people. Later in life when encouraged to speak up at meetings or to groups, I suffered physical anxieties like diarhea triggers, focus issues, cold hands, and weak knees.

Researchers tell us that social phobias like public speaking anxiety start in childhood with shyness. If we don't address them, they progress through adulthood.

Discovering Your Courtroom Impact

You slide your chair away from the table, rise and approach. You can't help but watch yourself, hear your footsteps and feel the hairs on the back of your neck.

What are your opening words? Where is your opening focus? What is the impact you've already made?


Litigators know the power of their presence and courtroom performance. It's one thing to have their case strategy laid out. It's quite another to deliver the effect they're after, create a connection with the jurors and judge and relate without going over the top. And clients want them to be confident as well.

Where do you turn to determine the impact you're making?

Polishing Your Act

My father had a regular routine on the weekends, about monthly, of polishing his shoes. Perhaps since I'm a process-loving person, I enjoyed watching this routine. It started with setting up a space for several pairs of shoes to sit - whether on the floor in front of him while he sat in his favorite chair, or on an ottoman in front of him. Next, he pulled out the appropriate colors of shoe polish - usually black, cordovan and maybe dark brown. Next came the polishing cloth and brush as well as a soft rag.

Dad always began the process by dusting the residue off each of the shoes with his soft rag, prepping them as the shoe polish directions state - "Apply to clean shoes." Next, he would dip his polishing cloth into the appropriate polish color, swirl the color onto the shoe from heel through toe, side to side, carefully applying along the edges, through the tassles or among the shoe lace holes. Carefully inspecting his work for thorough coverage, he would then set down each shoe with applied cream onto a paper towel, aware that the shoe polish would rub onto the ottomon or floor if not protected. Since the "setting" process takes several minutes, his attention to many shoes at once usually allowed him to make good use of his time. Once he had polished 2 sets of shoes, the first was now ready for buffing.

Whether his shoes were patterned or smooth was the deciding factor on using a brush or a rag for the buffing. Although he could buy a rotating buffing brush, Dad preferred the manual approach of "elbow grease" to do justice to the polishing effect. There's much more pleasure through the process when applying our own pressure than relying on the mechanisms of a tool.

Today I help individuals polish their act, whether when handling tough conversations, when business building through networking, or when speaking in public. Many of the same techniques we apply that my father taught me through his shoe-polishing process.

When polishing your act, these are the key techniques to apply:

1. Start with a clean surface. In the case of speaking well or having confidence in yourself, this means begin with an open attitude. An open attitude accepts feedback and allows it to stick.

2. Apply the soft rag to remove the dirt - don't be too hard on yourself when you see problems. Simply rub out the flaws and move on.

3. Choose the appropriate tone for the impact you want. Address the circumstances with humility, curiosity and enthusiasm. Whichever makes sense.

4. Uncover the barrier patterns that stand in your way. If you need to remove some rough edges, dig deep to do what is necessary. Get real about them. Then break them down. Like dirt on shoes that makes the polish mar the effect,these patterns will continue to hold you back until you break them down.

5. Allow the polishing process to take time to really set well. Plan what to focus on, prepare the steps, and then practice.

When you create polish, not only your shoes shine, your spirit does. You have a slight dance in your step as your soul connects to a more purposeful way of being. When you are polished, you definitely put "your best foot forward".

You have a speaking gig tomorrow... can you speak with confidence?

Just thinking about an upcoming presentation causes many speakers to feel squeemish -even for those of us used to speaking. It's a biological response that sets our energies in motion, in search of a plan. So planning is definitely the first step toward a confident presentation.



Planning our end result is key. Do you want to inspire? Do you want to educate? Do you want to persuade? Consider your intended outcome and work that outcome into both your introduction and conclusion. Now you have a set of bounndaries to stay within. With a plan, we feel grounded and ready - but don't expect the butterflies to disappear. They'll keep you geared up and ready to deliver, even with a plan.

Secondly, we must prepare. By this I mean focus on who the audience is, what they know, what they've experienced, what they need, what they want.



Preparation takes work. It means getting away from what you know long enough to relate that information to them during this particular time in their life. It requires thoughtful reflection, some mental calculation, some digging deep to uncover useful tidbits and some willingness to see things through their point of view.

Only this will help you connect with them. Leave them thinking, "Gosh, the speaker is just like me." If they feel this way, the lightbulb in their head will go on regarding your insight. They will not only pay attention to your logic, they will find you credible in understanding them and their needs. Prepare your message with them in mind - respecting who they are, where they've been and how you can support them.

The next step to put into place is practicing. Yet unless we realize what to practice, we could waste our time.



Keep these things in mind: Practice allows us to try out how to use the energy that's all fired up within us so we know what to expect when we're focusing on our message but all that we see is our nerves. With practice we can make use of movement to equalize our energy. We can look at our surroundings instead of the script. We remember that the focus is to be on our audience instead of ourselves. With practice we remember to project our voice into the entire space the group takes up, to use eye contact, to stop for questions and comments and to try out each tool we're relying on. With practice we get ourselves ready to connect. Without it, we stay in our head.

So allow time to adequately plan, prepare and practice. Until you do, you won't sleep well. So even if it's 11pm and you've avoided these steps, take them. You'll go to bed late, but you'll arise the next morning no longer lacking confidence. You'll be energized, focused and ready to connect. What a great place to be.

When you disagree with what you hear, can you speak with confidence?

Today one of your peers has expressed an opinion different from your own. You've heard differences of opinion from this person before and at times have avoided saying what you think. Either you fear the result or out of need to avoid conflict, you said nothing. Later, you regretted not voicing your opinion.

Today you have a choice - share your opinion to avoid regretting this moment, or stay silent to avoid creating a conflict.

Generally speaking, you are good at communicating. Like most people, you know what is important to you, you share these things to some degree and you feel good about the result.

Yet there are 3 times any of us could stumble in our communication efforts:

* when we feel those listening have a difference of opinion
* when our emotions are negatively engaged
* when risk escalates

In today's case, you definitely have hit the first circumstance - there is a difference of opinion - or at least an apparent one. It has put you on hold, briefly contemplating whether you will respond the same way as before.

In the case of the second circumstance, the more you dwell on it, the more difficult it will be for you to express yourself, for your emotions will get tied to what your opinion is. You may get anxious, frustrated with yourself, nervous about how to say it, angry that there is yet something else you are holding back on. The more emotional you get, the harder to step out and express yourself OR the faster you speak without carefully preparing your approach.

Since this is a peer and not, say, your boss, the risk may not be severe. Yet if you are committed to spending quantities of time with this person, eventhough the relationship/authority doesn't pose a problem, the time with the individual could. The longer you are around someone who gives you emotional distress, the greater the risk to your ability to communicate with confidence, the risk to your ability to think clearly and the riskier your level of stress.

If it were a boss, depending on whether you have authority issues, this could create a major difficulty. You may be more apt to be passive aggressive - smile and appear in agreement while stewing inside. If it were your direct report - someone who you wish to correct or to be on the same page with - the harder it will be for you to be objective and encouraging around them if you simply let it go.

So what will you do to speak with confidence? Without knowing more about your circumstances and what patterns of behavior you have had or demonstrated around them, the best nuggets of focus for you to take are the following:

1. Decide how you want to come across to them - friendly, supportive, thoughtful, concerned, etc. Once you decide, your manner will follow suit.
2. Ask questions. Instead of just blurting out your own thoughts, seek to discover as much about how they have come to those conclusions as you can. This gives you a warming up period to discovering how to phrase what's important to them while then sharing what's important to you.
3. Remember that sharing your view is just about that - about sharing your view. It needn't be about convincing them.
4. Share your view, based on whatever perspective you have - experience, other resources, your own deductions or proof.

Further Tips
*When the topic isn't very important, the more you practice actually saying what you want to say, especially in a manner that helps you feel good about it as a result, the more confident you become when it's very important for you to speak up.
*Practice often with your peers. They are on your same level, so they are a foundational approach to getting used to sharing differences in ideas, strategy, opinion, etc.
*When feeling comfortable there, next practice sharing differences of thought with those in authority over you. Take care to respect their thinking, learning more about it, yet also valuing your own thinking enough to have them consider it.
*It is vital to allow direct reports have differences of opinion and thought. Create a space that allows for free expression while also helping all reports to appreciate your own value.

Practice may not make perfect, in this case, but it will build confidence. And if confidence leads to your own peace of mind, then work towards it!

What Impact?

Last night we watched the dvd of Amelia, capturing the courageous expeditions of Amelia Earheart, aviatrix. Since it stuck to the historical record of what happened to her, there was no surprise about her final attempt to fly around the world. Obviously she and her co-pilot were left for missing after their communication system failed. Yet it left me thinking, "wow - I really admire her courage and determination".

Her overall impact was based partly on how she intended to live, partly on how she related to those around her, the message she shared with women and also on what she focused her life's work on.

No wonder I spent the rest of the night engrossed in the impact each of us makes during our lifetime.

Sometimes we forget, like George Bailey, that we are impacting people around us. We treat people around us like we treat ourselves, and deal with responsibilities in a way that demonstrates our confidence or lack of it. In the meantime, we are impacting those around us by our attitudes. We may not realize how we have boosted somebody's day, lifted their spirits, given them a role model or a new lease on life. Simply because we persevered.

When it's not all about us, we focus on the world around us. When we aren't so caught up in our own opinions or beliefs, we may also learn from those in our life.

What impact do you want to make? Do you want to help? Then notice how others are helping. Do you want to serve? Then notice the service of others. Do you want to show courage, demonstrate commitment, make a difference? See that of others.

Intend to see what you intend to do. Amelia did. Eventually George Bailey did also. When we purposefully go about our days, not just with a personal plan but one intent in observing others, we reflect that purpose. This has been my lesson in life - to reflect what I see, not just what I want. I still haven't learned the lesson, so I state it here, in the company of others, to be accountable to it.

What impact do you want to make?

Breakthrough Blockbuster

Those of us who grip the steering wheel of life like we're on a collision course may have re-considered the seatbelt or breaks once we saw the movie, CRASH.

Don Cheadle, Sandra Bullock and others keep us on edge during the violent pace when the scenes of 36 hours of their characters' lives weave into pure impact with others. This blockbuster's blend of corporate stress, cultural tensions and a little girl's faith in her daddy's angel shift us from reality to divine as we ponder the bigger picture of how we are all connected, even when we wish not to be.

Unmercifully my tears broke forth as I observed a scene wrought with fatality, seconds before key characters realized their fate. The gracefully crafted scene of daddy and daughter brings the violent, angst-ridden language of previous scenes to their knees. In this moment all of us viewers understand IMPACT.

From that scene forward,IMPACT is utterly all we can see as the rest of the movie unfolds. How the actions, the attitudes, the words of each character led to distressing results.

Yesterday, while I was with a wonderful person, I witnessed IMPACT of his thinking and actions while awareness came crashing down on him. In his case, as in the case of the blockbuster movie, the essence of life came to a standstill. Presence. In the now. All he could see was facial expressions. Proof of the impact he made on others. His daily treadmill of life, a common collision-course for gunning the gas and shifting into another gear dissolved.

As I watched, I witnessed his reactions to the impact he made on others. It started with contorted pain. His lip muscles working to hold back twitches, to slow his breathing and to deny the response his anger and awareness couldn't help but create.
And then frozen. He was speechless, focused and transported elsewhere.

Suddenly the pain relaxed and his eyes glazed over, his breath caught and held. Divine intervention flowed through him. He saw himself for what he had done, owned it, and with new breath, resolved to make things right. Once he crashed, took responsibility and allowed divine intervention, he found peace. Just as in the breakthrough blockbuster movie.

Sure, it would be better to never crash at all, but we're human.