Talented, Good People Fail

One of the areas I excel in is listening. Yet my ability to focus for lengths of time has been weak, and my desire to please is high. What this creates at times is a wandering state of paying attention while smiling to encourage the speaker in continuing, leading me further and further out of touch.

Talented, good people fail. As my listening skills have led me to great opportunities, my focus and thinking skills have often held me back. What I know today is, while I have created a comfort zone of barrier patterns that hold me back, I have since learned to break down those patterns for one particular reason: to speak and behave with confidence.

Good people fail. And because I vowed in the year 2000 to help those, who like me, want to feel better about themselves at the end of the day, my purposeful focus is to help good, talented people get back on track.

Although I work with many attorneys, attorney or not, here are their similarities: they are highly valued employees, they are succeeding in their positions but clearly could be more effective in them, and/or they are being groomed for positions at the very highest levels. Helping people achieve speaking confidence is the key to helping people work to their highest potential.

Do they need to listen better? Be more aggressive? Talk less? Be more direct? Own up to their mistakes? Business psychologists James Waldroop and Timothy Butler (The 12 Bad Habits That Hold Good People Back, published 2000) understand these skills as key to developing behavior patterns that work for us. They also know which ones hold us back. These emotional triggers are listed below:

1. Never Feeling Good Enough
2. Seeing the World in Black and White
3. Doing Too Much, Pushing Too Hard
4. Avoiding Conflict at all Cost
5. Running Roughshod over the Opposition
6. Rebel Looking for a Cause
7. Always Swinging for the Fence
8. When Fear is in the Driver's Seat
9. Emotionally Tone Deaf
10. When No Job is Good Enough
11. Lacking a Sense of Boundaries
12. Losing the Path

Although it's more inspiring to focus on our strengths, without focusing on the patterns that hold us back we prohibit our development. If I want to improve in my ability to exercise routinely, I may set a goal to go to the gym 3 times weekly. Yet if the pattern that holds me back is Never Feeling Good Enough, I may start to question why I am even attempting the goal. Soon, I will slide from 3 times to 2 times, and then I will eventually give up.

My efforts at development are a sign of my "good person" status, yet I will fail until I understand AND break down the barrier patterns that hold me back.

What I tell myself (similar to the 12 attitudes above) is what I end up telling the world around me. Break down the behavior patterns and I begin to change my worldview, manage myself, influence others and speak with confidence.

What it takes to be a tree

Yesterday I read a tweet from the author of Be a Tree, a presentation pointer. Wonderful advice about how to come across as though you stand for something. Here is some of what he said:

Stand still as a presenter. Get your weight on both feet. Balance yourself. Do not stick one hip out like a pop singer. Instead, be the tree. But do not sway. Stand as if you are guarding something sacred, as if you stand for something important. Then, after holding this position for a reasonable time, move to another spot and stand still again. Stillness and movement is very near the crux of any performance art.

Sorry, somehow I lost the author of the post. Yet with my background in theatre and my current focus in presentation, I applaud how he illustrates the quality.

One of my clients has experienced the difference between waffling around ideas and how to express them and in being solid and practiced in her ideas, language and movement. She feels an incredible boost in confidence as she stands with purpose, sharing an idea and its illustration, then moving into her next point, ending with purpose on a thought.

I recall the time I was auditioning for a role that many contemporary actors would call an "actor's dream" part. The Guys was Harvest Theatre's new focus in 2006, the 5th year anniversary of the tragedy on Twin Towers and the many engulfed in fatalities. The show features the captain of the fireman unit that lost all their lives during the rescue attempt. Also filling out the cast is the journalist he partnered with to write all the eulogies he would have to deliver.

The journalist role is meaty - rich, dramatic, funny and real. During auditions I had a wealth of experiences to call on as I stood in front of the casting committee. Unfortunately, I didn't simply stand. When many of us are before a group and not hiding behind a podium or desk, we tend to fidget or pace or gesticulate like crazy. That's what I was doing. And in that process, my voice was loosing control. Not to say that I was screaming - instead I was underselling the script because my body was overselling it.

The director said to me, "Let's try this again. Stand solidly, without movement and take it again." Immediately I understood. In my second attempt I got connected to the monologue. The words had depth, the moment had meaning and I got control back. It worked - for I not only ended up with the part. The performances were rich and true. We learned how to move as well as how to stand and deliver. We were trees.

It takes a few simple things to be a tree:
focus, energy and trust

Certainly with focus we understand the "through-line" of our message. We know the set-up, the connection to the audience and the end result. This doesn't come to us immediately. It takes time to play around with the message enough to clarify where we're going. Then the delivery requires feedback, or at least the observance of people's feedback. Focus is the first step in becoming a tree.

Doesn't it sound odd that it also takes energy? Well it does. One cannot hold themselves solidly without breathing deeply and often. Mental alertness is jazzed with energy. Similar to singing and holding a note, the ability to hold a stance is "rooted" in the energy it takes to stay solid. Mentally we must pump up ourselves for the effort. Relax and the tree-like properties sag.

Amateur speakers seem to believe they are hampered by not trusting the audience's reactions to them. It's actually just the opposite. Those we must trust when speaking or performing is ourselves. We can handle it. We can still ourselves in the moment and create an engaging connection. When the other two properties are mastered (focus and energy), trust is a ready quality.

Tough times require being a tree. Whether on the phone with a customer, whether talking in front of a group or whether performing a rehearsed production, plan and practice focus, energy and trust. Prepare to be a tree.

Planning is good. Preparing and Practicing are Better!

How often have we made planning a part of our personal or professional practices? I'm guessing it's pretty common.

Many business coaches help owners and executives shape their plans. All this is crucial for focused success. Structure is better than constantly being "in-the-moment" with getting things accomplished. Yet having a plan doesn't equal execution. Nor does it equal successful execution.

In theatre, plans are handed out in the form of scripts. Each script supplies critical elements: who says what, when key activity interrupts the dialogue, where the scene takes place. However, most theatrical performances take 4-8 weeks of daily rehearsal to move from being given a script to showcasing a performance. Why? It takes preparation and practice for all individuals to go from script to full understanding while demonstrating the ability to work together to achieve the final outcome.

Two months is a long time for those who want immediate results, yet it's time that quickly escapes if there isn't a design for helping individuals manage themselves, influence others and speak with confidence.



Breaking Down Barriers takes intangible PLANS and helps individuals PREPARE for Being and Doing what it takes to accomplish them. Whether we work with them weekly or twice monthly, we help individuals identify the behavior patterns that have typically held them back from accomplishing what they want and how to break down those behavior patterns. In 3 - 6 months we help them identify habits they can PRACTICE to begin reaching their planned goals. Practice takes time and is crucial. Whether a public speaker working out delivery, poise and projection, or whether a leader framing a tough conversation, practice helps the individual solidify the experience.

Wise clients choose to skip working with coaches who only help them plan. Clients deserve the additional help in preparing and practicing so they can actually GET the results they want.

BDB becomes a part of the PRACTICE, guiding individuals to see impact their behaviors make and helping these individuals tweak behaviors and habits to create the impact they intend. Whether in helping them manage themselves or lead others, BDB provides a thorough 6 - 12 month approach of walking with clients to PLAN, PREPARE and PRACTICE what it takes to speak with confidence.