As Mark Sanborn suggests, "Change this inconsistency!"

By nature we automatically think one thing and do another. See the problems in others and not in ourselves. Do those things we wish we wouldn't. We are inconsistent creatures.

There is one inconsistency that Mark Sanborn has tweeted about lately. How can you keep commitments to others if you can't keep commitments to yourself?

A Right, A Risk, A Reward

This week on Harry's Law, Harriet's "security" director tipped her in the possibility of gang warfare in her neighborhood. His intention was for her to close up shop for awhile, so nobody got hurt. Of course Harriet had another idea. Force the gangs to meet her that evening so she could mediate the issue and resolve the issue responsibly. All in true Harriet style.

This collective bargaining method - bringing all parties together for a facilitated conversation around the issues of conflict - is a right of law-abiding citizens, yet it is a right many avoid. With it comes the possibility of escalated emotions that many of us are afraid to navigate.

This risk - navigating through heightened emotions - is one that is common to everyday life. From childhood into and through adulthood we grow in our practice of handling our emotions for the sake of being responsible while building relationships with those around us. Sitting down with those who have differences of opinion is an adult practice, that although risky, brings reward.

In Harry's Law, it brought closure on whether a gang member could date someone from the opposing gang. It brought closure on the value of a car. It even opened the discussion on handling gang members who decide to terminate their membership. Was it easy? No. Are most things worth having easy to come by? No.

Yet the reward for opening ourselves to honest, challenging conversation is actually several things: our personal satisfaction in having managed ourselves in a higher, honorable way; the ability to problem-solve while gaining mutual agreement; and the sense that everyone involved has been given the chance to say what they want to/need to say.

Open communication is a challenge. Yet it is a challenge that adult, responsible, emotional and respectful people take. And it is worth it.

Overcoming Personal Agendas

I just finished reading a post from Geoffrey James's blog on Sales and Marketing called, Top 10 Reasons Marketing Hates Sales. As James stated and described the challenge of each of the reasons, I had to laugh. These reasons aren't to be pigeonholed to only Sales folks and Marketing folks. They are so true of the agendas of folks with "seemingly" opposite or diametrically oppposed interests.

Starting with the most basic agendas, we can reasonably suggest there are times kids and parents have different agendas. The parents may operate to limit the boundaries of the child while the child operates to expand and explore those stated boundaries. Consider the male/female perspective. Whether the agendas are based on equality, authority or talents, similar push-pull tendancies exist.

When taking these agenda issues to the professional environment, we tend to function based on covering our weaknesses and discovering others'. Trust is the issue. Yet the most productive, trusting and enjoyable relationships, as they challenge one another, celebrate one another and push each other to exceed are those who are willing to let go of their own agendas.

Letting go of our agendas allows for discovery of what's been missing from our own perspective. It opens our eyes and gives us awareness. The key to letting go of our own thinking and intention relies on the simple question. What do you think? This question allows our responder to inform us. To give us a chance to observe them in action. To gain from their experience. And for those of us who are truly using an attitude of curiosity, we may dig deeper with Tell me more.

Typically those we may use these prompts with are people we enjoy. We slow down, dismiss our thinking and let our companion's minds become transparent. Consider doing the same with those we are challenged by. What would we gain? Probably the first thing is their surprise. And then quickly comes their thinking. So exhaust their thinking. Explore it. Then align the conversation from their end with seeking permission to explore your own thinking. Most often you'll be given it, especially after being so giving of your own time to listen to them.

In time, our agendas begin aligning and we discover the similarity, the need for team approach and the nudge in our own head of, "Now that wasn't so bad, was it?"