Merri's Tips - Part 6

40. Shape the voice in your head first thing in the morning. Otherwise, you will wine about getting out of bed, forget what you're so good at, procrastinate on using your abilities and forget why your life is so good. Shaping the voice in your head refers to remembering your value, what makes you unique and putting this focus and those skills into use. These are your intrapersonal skills, the communication skills that set the tone for the day and determine your ability to show up in life.

 Lawyers can use praise, encouragment as well as discipline, yet if they aren't willing to do these things for themselves, no amount of it from others will help.

From Anxiety to Enthusiasm - Introverts and Public Speaking

Labyrinthe, by shortgreenpigg





I grew up unsure of myself - unsure of how to enter conversation, what to say, how to respond to questions, and unsure of what I thought. This mix of unsurety kept me at arm's length from relationship development until I was in my mid-late teens. At that point, Beth Huffman, the teacher who made the biggest difference in my life, encouraged me to take her speech and then her drama classes. Only because I already admired her as my English teacher, I signed up. Then my eyes were open to what it feels like to step in front of audiences - anxious. Really anxious. Later I learned how to move the anxiety into enthusiasm.

But first I realized there were certain things about myself, the introvert, that seeks the enthusiasm of the audience.

Quieting the Lawyers' Chatty Head

If you've read many of my posts on this blog, you have learned I offer communication support to lawyers, especially those who are introverts. That's a whopping 64% of lawyers!

Introvert lawyers are the thinkers, the planners and the chattiest of all, if you consider their common behavior of talking to themselves. They do this incessively in their heads, whether to criticize themselves, to compare themselves to others or to in some other way, sabotage themselves. An introvert myself, I know this because of my own behavior patterns. So the intrapersonal communication skills of shifting away from the sabotage talk to the ability to quiet that voice in our head is a challenge worth taking on.

Tips for Lawyers Who Hate Networking

You're told to originate more business and it's suggested you get out to network. You swallow uncomfortably because you feel so anxious about the networking beast, yet you know you need to produce. But the last time you visited an event you were overwhelmed with strangers, didn't know where to begin, what to say, when it was okay to leave. What do you do?

Honestly, most people feel the same way about networking - some just stay in better practice with it and have learned some tricks/tips along the way so you'd never guess they have similar anxieties. If you think the goal is to get a client, your anxiety will skyrocket. Hint: the goal is to make a friend. If you could just get started on the right foot - especially if you're an introvert - then you'll eventually develop strong relationships, stay top of mind to key referral sources and begin appreciating the time you give to networking.

Merri's Tips - Part 6

36. Confirm appointments the day before. How often have you been stood up, where at the wrong location or didn't know the location of your pre-arranged appointment? It's a waste of time. Progress and relationships with clients or others take a hit. It's worth the energy to confirm in advance.

37. Carry extra material to read or review when attending appointments. Those days your joiner gets delayed you will welcome the chance to pick up the book you've been reading, review the material for your next appointment or take notes you didn't take the time to write down from your last phone call. This is a welcome way to wait in traffic, stand in line at the coffee shop, etc.

38. On the contrary, stay open to being present to your surroundings. If you're at a restaurant awaiting the arrival of your joiner, don't always keep your head buried. You'll be able to greet and converse with those you know in your community, whether personal or professional relationships. You will appear accessible vs. wanting to not be disturbed. Staying accessible is the key to us in professional services.

39. When you look in the mirror in the morning, find something to smile about. Practice smiling to yourself and notice the impact it makes on you. Without a doubt it makes a similar impact on those you are with through the day.

40. Recall the good of the day at day's end. If you don't have a practice of reviewing your day with someone, start it. Or simply journal about it. Reviewing the good you have done and the good others have done for you gives you insight and motivation toward how well you are serving your mission.

41. Articulate your mission aloud, each morning. If you don't remember or haven't defined your personal/professional mission, nobody else will get it, either. With a focus on what you believe you're all about, you will act in alignment with that mission and learn what is worth saying Yes to and what you should say No to. This behavior is one of the biggest communicators about who you are.

The Lawyer Who Didn't Like Introducing Himself

Guess the outcome of this post's subject.
Single?
Limited pipeline?
Few billable hours?
Out of practice?

Yep, although lawyers can rely on putting in massive amounts of energy during the day, it would still be good for them to have someone to go home to. Or clients to help. Work to keep them busy, that they originated or requested from the partners. And a job.

Truth is, many lawyers are out of practice with introducing themselves. They may find themselves from time to time at events or in public places where they are open to meeting people, yet they must really work at introducing the type of work they do. Afraid of being a turn-off, they keep quiet about their profession.

3 Communication Areas for Lawyers to Develop

When people talk about communication  skills, they often find it difficult to categorize the information. So for the sake of organization, let's narrow the areas lawyers want to develop into 3 key categories:

1. Interpersonal communication skills
2. Intrapersonal communication skills
3. Public speaking skills

For most of the non-podium public, the first area of communication skills that comes to mind is the set that focuses externally on relationships around us - interpersonal communication skills. These skills assist with ease in conversation, attraction, trust-building as well as competence. One would think lawyers come by these skills easily.

However, 64% of lawyers are introverts - an attribute of their desire to research, to analyze, to write and to weigh the pros and cons. While these gifts are useful for crafting their argument and understanding the law, many areas of a lawyer's practice remains under-developed when they avoid developing their interpersonal skills.

Merri's Tips - Part 5

30. Make Monday a really good day. Get going early, focused on the priorities for the day vs. your email or social media accounts. The results you bring in on Monday set the tone for the week. So get a jump on things right away, feel good about your results, and drive the same discipline and focus toward the rest of the week. I know attorneys put in countless hours, often in thankless ways. We all feel it worse on Mondays unless we consciously make the effort to turn it around. In summary, don't let Monday get a bad name.      

31. Shape your attitude. Anyone can feel the duldrums, have a bad day or get rejection. Respond  remembering you still have so many things MOST people don't have. (and maybe even more so than your clients) Could be your health, your quality relationships, your basic needs and even your good name. Your results are based on yourself, not anyone else. Same is true with your attitude. You are already doing really good work for people who can't do it for themselves.Drive your attitude to be hopeful, curious and humble.

32. Do what needs to be done. Imagine you have only 3 minutes before your maker "poofs" you away. Based on your actions, you will be given more time. Do what needs to be done. Make the phone call, give the apology, cut the grass and/or fold the laundry. Just do it. Then you have something to celebrate.

33. Say thank you. Your mother, your kindergarten teacher, and countless others had it right when they taught you this priceless treasure. Saying thank you only goes out of style when it isn't sincere. Think about saying it, say it and then smile or touch those you are thanking. You will be remembered and those you thank will keep doing what you just thanked them for.

What other communication tips, especially for the attorney world, (talking to ourselves or others, or even public speaking) do you have?

Lawyers stumble over business development

Attorneys are notorious for staying behind the desk, in front of a computer, avoiding business development. Most are introverts, so they think they won't relate well and prefer not to appear "salesy" so they simply put information out in passive ways. This inactive behavior doesn't make the phone ring.

"We need to decide what our priorities are," says Cordell Parvin. When attorneys state it's most enjoyable to serve their clients, then they need to make sure they keep developing the pipeline.

Parvin insists new attorneys must first develop themselves. This includes their communication skills, their interpersonal (relationship and trust-building) as well as their intrapersonal (managing self) skills.

Communication Skill Barriers

Whether we are attorneys or not, we all have what it takes to communicate effectively. Either we were born with the skills or we learned (directly or indirectly) what it takes to develop relationships and influence. On the contrary, we all have what it takes to hold ourselves back from communicating well, whether in public speaking, interpersonal effectiveness or intrapersonal (self-talk) effectiveness. It's from this platform of barriers that we most often make judgements about our effectiveness. And often we feel ineffective. The good news is, we can break down those barriers.

Here are a few things to keep in mind regarding barriers.

3 Reasons for Starting Mondays Well

This week I got off to a bad start, starting on Monday. I didn't get up with my alarm, missed my time at the gym telling myself I needed a slow segue from my vacation week to my work week. Then I realized I had appts to keep.

Rushing through the shower and out the door, I headed to the coffee shop where my networking colleague and I last met, then discovered from my phone calendar that I was not only heading to the wrong place, I needed 25 minutes to get there. The appt was scheduled for in 7 minutes. Checking my contact file, I realized I was missing the appointee's phone number. Rats.

In the meantime I needed to google directions to the new location in Dublin and my GPS wasn't coming in. Hoping for him to call me, I realized my morning actions weren't measuring up. Fortunately, he did call and I got to the appt, very embarassed. The rest of the day seemed full of mishaps that by 6pm I was ready to end. Actually, I wanted to redo Monday.

When Mondays go well, the rest of the week is full of possibility. When it doesn't, we're just the average Joe, wishing things were different. There are 3 reasons I have for starting Mondays off well.