When Introverts Focus on What Works

Yesterday I had a rough day. I watched my partner and her kids hit the road for a fun roadtrip while I stay behind to keep the house in order; discovered one of the songs my band has recorded now has only 30% or less of my harmony in it; and began stressing over my business pipeline for January. I knew better than to let any of those things get me down, but on the other hand, I immediately felt sorry for myself. I fell into the pattern of relishing the pity and fell into a pretty deep hole.

So I got out - although not out of my predicament, I did get out of the house.

Fortunately I had places to go and things to do. Three and a half hours later my spirits were better, I was thinking differently and I had a plan for focusing on things with a positive behavior change.

For most introverts, when we are hit with difficulties, we ruminate over them until we really process the "feeling" part of the challenge. And we're so good at going deep to problem solve that we go deep with ourselves and end up with disaster. So it's imperative we switch our focus from those things that don't work to things that do. At these times, we need people around us who are focusing on other things - light or heavy, either can give us a break from our ruminating. Yet if the topic is more serious we put more meaning into it and let this new topic replace our old ruminations.

Focusing on what works means either paying attention to those things we are skilled at or experienced in or focusing on other people's thinking. Get absorbed in something other than yourself and you walk away with new perspective about your own situation. For instance, last night I attended a goal-setting seminar presented by David Emerson Smith, intent in paying attention to his seminar approach as well as his goal-setting process. In both counts I admired several things.

Although I was paying attention to Dave - deeply immersed in learning - I immediately shifted to applying his ideas to my own seminar approaches as well as applying his ideas about positive behavior change to my own goal-setting. I walked away refreshed and motivated, seeing the opportunity in time alone, in seeking constructive criticism for vocal harmony or other band-related responsibilities and in shifting my pipeline activity to more productive efforts.

For us introverts, the best way to dig ourselves out of a hole is to give the shovel to someone else. You read how this worked for me. How can you do this?

In Good Company

6 degrees of separation demonstrates the power of community by suggesting how interconnected we are to others. In social media, the LinkedIn platform readily links networks of all my contacts, proving how by connecting to 700 or so folks I am really linked in to 6,500,000 with 9,600 just in the past 4 days. Yet the most poignant focus for me, as an introvert, is who I really connect with - other introverts.

This morning I found a great video montage on Youtube of famous introvert celebreties. As I watched this video I recalled the essence of each celebrity personality and found a quiet, wisdom from each. That's something worth linking to. Enjoy your own contemplation of this by clicking on Famous Celebrity.

Like what you see? You're in good company. Keep this file at the ready for those days you undervalue yourself or feel less than motivated. Introverts are the game changers for progress and perception in the world. And you create good company for those you're around as well. Remember that this holiday season.

Your Speaking Gigs for 2012

In my theatre experience folks often ask me, "Merri, do you prefer directing or performing?" And my usual response is, "whichever I'm doing at the moment". I have come to love the craft of the performer - planning for an event or show, rehearsing it, gathering the nervous excitement prior to it's starting and then finally experiencing the flow of the performance when well-prepared. The audience response has to be the best part of it, though.

Yet, the directing piece allows me to witness the light-bulb moments of others: both those performing and those in the audience. From the exploratory process of connecting the performer to their part (message, character, delivery, rhythm, etc.) to the shift from their own anxiety to excitement - working with others on helping them really love what they're doing and who they're being is precious.

And the same goes for speaking.

Conquer your Fear of Public Speaking

I work with some of the best public speakers - and many of them are introverts. Yet several have also been extroverts. They share a common interest - conquering their fears.

Where the introvert is the commonly held example of an individual who fears speaking in public, the extrovert can also relate.

Introvert work conflicts start from within

Do you find yourself questioning your choice of career after you've already begun it? Many of us do, and yet for introverts, sometimes we talk ourselves out of the very career that gives us purpose - at the very time that we could actually do ourselves and our world the most good. And then we hang in the balance between purpose and results.

If you think you're out of practice

Ever feel you just can't make enough improvements because you don't get enough practice? Many speakers would agree this is something that holds them back. And to a degree, I understand. Yet I also know this type thinking is an example of narrow application.

Many litigators have told me a similar tale. They focus their energies on the argument and the strategy yet can't get enough presentation  practice. Their inability to learn key techniques and then apply them to regular life prohibits their presentation and just may be prohibiting their practice. One presentation basic, being clear, can be practiced in many daily ways.

Extroverts can sometimes relate

Although it seems extroverts and introverts struggle with getting along (see this article for some tips and detail), quite often both temperaments are flexible enough for the other. Especially when the conversation directly focuses on temperament. It seems these are the times we are most ready to learn.

Flowing into an Introvert's Short Bursts

Tomorrow is going to be a pivotal day for me and my band, No Excuses. We have another gig at the People Called Women Bookstore in Toledo, and before that we will be spending a few hours in a recording studio. We're working on our first cd of original work!

That's so exciting to me. Ever since we set a goal to record by the end of the year, eventually found a studio we could afford, and then determined which songs to highlight, I have been giddy with anticipation.

It's not something I've really spoken about much in conversation with others, yet it's been a constant conversation in my head. I'm not sure others in the band have discussed it either, for we'll all introverts. Yet we're all feeling the same way - nervous but excited! Similar to how we feel just prior to another gig, yet recording gives us lasting impressions of our work.

Susan Cain shared something unique recently in her blog post called, What Kind of Happy are You? In the post she lists the most common introverted approaches to happiness - approaches extroverts misunderstand about happiness. In the 5 styles, I most often relate to happiness in short bursts and those of flow. In the case of this weekend, the anticipation of performing again live is driven by my "flow" of great energy I experience when singing with this band and the short burts of enthusiasm when others appreciate the individual pieces.

Although introverts may not have excessive enthusiasm, the happiness is still very real. And I know going into the recording studio I will most appreciate the "flow" of adrenaline while experiencing the process of putting this record together. I may even laugh at some point. Although the outward signs may not point to "happiness", I will definitely experience it.

We love structure!

I so enjoy the picture on this post. As a work of art it is compelling, focused and fun. I love the structure and where it takes my eyes.

Not always do I enjoy structure. I don't like being confined to a desk, told what to do and how to do it. But when it comes to understanding what to expect in a new environment or out of new people, structure is my friend.

There are key ways introverts benefit from structure.

From Security Blanket to Sport Coat

Yesterday's Rethink the Security Blanket post introduced the idea Linus Van Pelt shares in Snowflakes of adjusting from wrapping his security blanket around him to donning himself in its splendor. As introverts, we usually wrap ourselves up in the blanket to avoid moving forward in social settings that make us feel anxious. We can take some action to rethink this so our comfortable assets become professional attire. We can use our natural operations as sport coats.

Rethink the Security Blanket

I love seasonal Charlie Brown clips, especially the Christmas ones. But you have to see this opener with Charlie Brown and the gang called Snowflakes. The clip opens with the gang enjoying the freshly falling snowflakes. In it, Linus's skills at target practice also stand out.

Lucy, not wanting to be undone by her younger, blanket-toting sibling, flings a tart remark about his adult life, and it makes me think of how each of us tend to have our own security blanket.

The introvert is often seen as someone who can't stand on their own without aid of someone or something else, yet while Linus often demonstrates in the Peanut clips, he is quite adept with how he uses this security. And like you saw in the above clip, he has made it into a tool rather than  a crutch.

Rethink the introvert's security blanket - perhaps it's taking time to think before making decisions, or standing off from the group to observe and quietly participate. These, too, are tools that sharpen rather than hamper our abilities.

Introvert Nuggets

Back in the late 1980's I directed a high school production of The Outsiders, based on the book written by S.E. Hinton which deals with the challenge being part of the "have nots" as a teenager. The school production was a huge success, for it has been in the literary curricula and relevant to most teenagers.

One of the lines Ponyboy (the main character who is working through being respected while living life among hoodlums) dwells on is "all that glitters is not gold". Thelogians, philosophers and even literary bard William Shakespeare have written about distinguishing the loud from the valuable. This is a value of Ponyboys and one of the introvert as well.

Mission Possible

As my readers know, I've written about ways to celebrate the introvert over the past several weeks. I understand their struggles with extroverted behaviors, especially as attorneys and other service professionals who need to develop strong client and network relationships. I am also an introvert. And I have a mission to help introverts share their strengths with the world.

Getting Back to Thinking

King Solomon is legendary for his ability to discern judgment. Consider how he handled the issue of which woman was to keep the newborn baby when 2 claimed to be the mother. No DNA testing then, no experts or witnesses to speak on either's behalf. So when King Solomon called for his sword to split the baby in two, the real mother called out in horror to let the other keep her child.

Getting back to thinking will save our world.