Talk Back!

There is a prospect I'd love to get in front of who isn't returning my calls or responding to my emails. Eventhough he invited me to connect with him, he is being unresponsive.

This angers me, for I know his firm could be a huge opportunity for me and I could give him tremendous value, even beyond the few pressing needs he has.

In times like these, I set out to make a phone call, and then I back off. Or should I say, I used to. In the past that voice in my head would say to me, "Merri, he has his own plan. It doesn't include you. Drop it. You aren't what he wants." And I'd back off.

But today, I realize that I have often got in my own way, backing off way too soon. Sometimes the other individual simply had other things on their mind, things unrelated to me. Or maybe I communicated a lack of importance. Or maybe the individual was on vacation. Or maybe there was a temporary fix.

What I know now is, I will persist when it's important. And that means, talking back. Of course I won't talk back to the individual I want to get in front of. But I will talk back to myself. To the voice in my head. I will talk back to say, "No."

"You aren't forcing me to hold back any longer. That keeps me from being useful."

"Just because someone seems busy does not mean I am not important. If an alarm were to sound, they would drop what they are doing. So sound the alarm, if that's the intention."

Today I look at that voice in my head, then turn away while putting up my hand.

"Talk to the hand. I have more important things to do than listen to you."

Who is counting?

I grew up in an old house where we put the bedrooms all on the second floor - 14 steps from the first floor and another 3 steps from the bathroom. Yes, I counted those steps every time I used them.

Counting steps improved my vision in the wee hours of the morning when I rose to use the bathroom or when coming in late as a teenager. Not only did I know to count my distance from mom and dad's room. I counted how many steps away I was from creaks, obstacles and relief.

As my paths grew in life, I counted the hours, the days and the weeks before each monumental milestone (graduation, moving away, time before a promised result, number of days left in the pay cycle, etc.) I count cars I pass, intersections I stop at, number of tiles on the floor or windows in a building and I hear that childhood tune in my head called The Song of Sixpense. I'm no accountant, yet my mind operates in cycles. Call this analytical, or obsessive-compulsive, or simply a deviation from what's important, I operate in the tracking mindset.

Whether we all count the small stuff or not, most of us operate in the mindset of tracking progress or results. So when it comes to making promises, we know whether we've disappointed or pleased those around us. And because we pay attention to our own followthrough, we are either happy or frustrated with ourselves.

When it comes to the promises you've made, who is counting? Including yourself, who else cares to pay attention? Anybody who may stand to benefit will be counting - they observe the number of times you demonstrate truth, action and share progress. They pay attention to how well you account for the promises you made, and in the meantime, they notice their own actions in this regard.

Yet the difference is, we error on the side of our own accounting, thinking we are better than others. When someone fails to follow through with something we are expecting, we quickly forget our own fault in the same action. Instead of counting the fault, we misplace it.

If we were to do a better job of counting our follow through, we would see how easy it is to make mistakes and either become bitter and resentful or experience the need for flexibility and make fewer promises. Once we learn our own lesson in being held to account, we can then apply this same lesson to those around us with a sense of humanity vs. a need for perfection.

What counts? This is worth addressing - only so many things are that important to make a huge deal out of perfection. Determine your values and then align the activities that support them. Here is fertile ground for tracking your results.

How we spend our time proves what is important to us. The observer sees our actions and determines from them what is important to us. Answering the phone every time it rings? Responding to texts while driving? Promising friends our time when family needs it? These things are quickly tracked by those who don't yet know us any other way. If these things don't really count as important to us, then we could use some new perspectives - or risk that blackbird biting off our nose!

Today I count many things: the days I get out of bed purposefully, the promises I make, the evenings I celebrate my follow-through. And then there are the times I've humbly responded, the days I've let my eyes and mind be opened by those I'm with and the times I've been grateful. It's easier to enjoy the rhythm of life when I keep counting these things.

Being stuck

I've been reading up on what motivates people and have been reminded that the more people understand themselves, the better the chance they see the potential for change.

Many of us want to be told what to do, what to say, how to respond and why. Yet if we were to be honest, we may determine that we each have the answers within ourselves to create change. What we need are the exploratory questions.

Coaching is based on a relationship between two individuals who are willing to create learning from discovery. As a coach I know that to create a working relationship and useful discovery process, I must come ready to listen, to generate discovery through a series of key questions and remind the client what they have said is important to them.

Coaching is not about being told what to do, it is not about being judged. It is about being open to discovery, to growth and to moving out of a rut.

We all get stuck. That's a fact of life. Another fact of life is that we are designed to move - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. And this all begs the question,

Where do you usually get stuck?

Patterns is another fact of life. When we get stuck, we respond in any of 3 ways, based on our view of ourselves and the world. We avoid, we attack or we manage. Because we often get stuck, we fall into the same pattern of reacting, making it a habit.

If we choose to develop ways to manage instead of avoiding or attacking, we must sharpen our focus. See things about ourselves, about our circumstances, about those around us. Part of the managing is in gaining new perspective. That's where opening up enough to ask for help - to get coaching, to request accountability or to do some brainstorming - is key. Otherwise, we remain stuck.

How do you respond when you are stuck?

How is this response working for you?

#1 Skill for Public Speaking

I've been public speaking since my HS graduation day, and because I often receive positive recognition as a result, I fell into a major trap early on.

I didn't research my topic. Although I have usually stuck to what I know (yet there were those times I didn't - disaster), the message could have been enhanced for greater understanding with more up-to-date, relevant information.

It was my ego that got in the way. The "I am an expert on this topic" perspective allowed me to stand in my own way. It is actually a form of procrastination that keeps us out of integrity of speaking with expertise.

Fortunately, of late my speaking and writing is all based on things I've reflected on from others - their experiences, the books I've read, the productions I've observed, the websites and blogs I've visited. What a wealth of information there is that I don't have to come up with - simply enjoy exploring.

Research is the substance of quality thinking. It allows me to gain new perspective, yet it also encourages me to credit others. This in itself speaks to our professionalism and credibility. Thankfully, I am an my best when I reference the value of others over my own thinking. With one side note - thinking it's important to give credit to others is powerful - yeah me! This blog post came directly out of Andrew Dlugan's #1 focus on the 25 skills every public speaker should use.

Got a presentation you're preparing for? Make sure your efforts include researching your topic, even if you already know what you're talking about.

Back to Basics for the Spirit

Re-entering the work world feels quite different today. It's Monday, the first day of the week.

Sometimes my weekends are so full of activity that I relish the downtime on Monday mornings simply so I can digress and reflect, easing into the week.

Yet I've spent the past 7 days in the woods.

I wasn't sure what that was going to be like, for I haven't camped in a tent since I was a kid. I remembered the smell of army tents, the concern over basic necessities and the hope for comfort. So entering a natural space with the intent to be disconnected from technology and limited contact from those I know - although appealing - had me concerned about whether I could survive.

What I forgot was my love of reflection and the role nature plays in it. I found myself enjoying the company of friends and good music, yet often opted for quiet time outside the tent to listen to the wind through the leaves, the birds or observe the starry night sky. These basics quickly bring me back to that quiet place where my mind and spirit merge.

7 days with nature and peace give me the chance to get re-grounded in life. A similar experience in March - on a cruise ship - gave me the energy to come back to life with renewed vigor, focus and determination to make the best of another 5 months.

What I've learned through these vacations is to experience the beauty of what life's basics have to offer:

time to be still and listen,time to meet others who wander into your path, time to reflect and time to recommit to what is important.

For many people, taking the time to be still, to be alone, to let thoughts come to mind is scarry. For those people I offer a fabulous video on being alone by Andrea Dorfman and Tanya Davis. To see it, click on the title of this blog.

Surviving on the basics is all about accepting yourself, loving who you are and what your purpose is. When your spirit is refueled, your focus is recommitted, you are refreshed for what life brings you. I have made the decision to OFTEN get away, get refueled, remind myself of who I am and what I'm here for and then come back to be and do those things.

Take the time to get back to basics. It's so good for your spirit. Especially when you wake up to Mondays.

Customer Service and the Nature of Attorneys

Yeah, there is actually a Nintendo game called Apollo Justice, Ace Attorney, where the player may either operate to gather evidence or operate in the courtroom. This isn't about that game - for I've never played it. I simply like how the graphic depicts some views of attorneys, for better or for worse.

Because let's face it. When it comes to customer service, it's all about perception. And sometimes the perception we have of roles in our society are skewed. I believe one such role with a skewed view from the general public is the attorney. Here's why: we see TV shows or films that depict attorneys as extroverts, aggressive and sometimes with something "up their sleeve". The Atticus Finches (character of the Pulitzer prize-winning novel To Kill a Mockingbird)seem to be a thing of the past unless you are a Dan Brown or John Grisham fan who usually focuses on the lawyer who represents the underdog.

If our perspective is in line with the general public, we distrust them, for they seem to act based on the bottom line - the almighty dollar. In truth, attorneys are most commonly introverts. They are book worms who enjoy researching, which in the case of discovering legal precedence and establishing a case for their client, is on target with what we would expect them to do. Therefore when it comes to being responsive, they fall short.

With high customer service, being responsive is a huge deal. As in other customer service perceptions, from attorney to client, there is a huge gap in perception about whether the attorney is responsive. Perhaps it starts with understanding what exactly being responsive means.

An attorney would claim to respond to messages in timely fashion - within days of a client reaching out to them. Yet a client wants them to respond within hours. What stands in the attorney's way? Their endless task list. Face it. The attorney is task-driven moreso than relationship driven, even when they are "into" people. The introvert, whether task or people focused, prefers distance, space and time to mull things over. But with customer service, it's not about the attorney. It's about the client.

From the client's view, responsiveness not only means responding within hours, but responding in such a way they (client) feel valued. When the attorney creates a working relationship of understanding, interpreting what the client needs, they feel valued. Yet most attorneys, although they can intellectually appreciate what customer service is, they are hard-pressed to demonstrate it. An attorney is the sort of individual which is minimally self-aware. And with that comes the inability to gain awareness in what their client wants - this limits the attorney's ability to connect. Without that connection, truth and trust have their limits.

In the professional market of offering world-class legal service, quality customer service leads to referrals, further business association and dynamic reputation that goes beyond the final decision. It impacts the experience the client felt, the trust they develop and the awe and respect the attorney deserves. For those attorneys who are looking for peace of mind and self-satisfaction, responsiveness is key to their livelihood. They understand the benefits to delivering from the client's point of view. To them, professional coaching and support in the behaviors that lead to the best client experience is crucial. With the ability to connect and then to further this responsiveness to a strong focus on the client, customer satisfaction shifts from the average to above average. Couple that with strong research and thorough preparation and the client is holding the legal professional in awe.

What will it take for you to be responsive? I hope it includes asking good questions that lead to understanding. Also pulling self away from tasks to respond quickly to client needs while also disciplining self to focus on what is important. Soon you'll be breaking the assumption of the nature of attorneys and possibly redefining it.

The most valuable form of recognition - Communication

Over the weekend I spent quality time with friends, one I hadn't seen in years. When it comes to reconnecting with people, my first thought is, "gee, what will they think of me now?" And so as we were getting re-aquainted, it was so fun to watch the looks of surprise and discover the number of times we thought alike about our experiences.

What I didn't anticipate in this meeting with my dear friend from the past (high school!) was her sharing what she always admired about me. Gosh, such an added bonus to learn those private viewpoints, now, a good 30 years later. It just stands to reason that when we're with friends, we want to know their thoughts, as well as the impact we are making.

We humans naturally take similar thought processes with us to other life circles. On the job, this "I wonder what they will think of me?" shows up in a slightly altered way. Basically, it affects the topics of communication we treasure from those around us.

There are 3 key topics of conversation employees value:

1. Employees value getting information about their job
2. They value getting information about their performance
3. They value getting information about how the company is doing

When our boss is clear about their expectations of us, this gives us a baseline to follow. Additionally, the more they share about the mission of the dept/company, about the values represented and strategies used to approach them, the further along we are in being oriented into the history and everyday production.

Speaking to these things is one thing. What really communicates is actions. My first boss when I was a high school teacher was a principal who carried smiles on his face, words of positive encouragment and letters of praise. He loved the teaching staff and proved it through his actions. He had a quick sense of humor vs. a quick sense of rage. He was at ease with the women as well as with the men, showing his progressive leadership style vs. the "good 'ole boy" manager. Ron was a quality leader - one who communicated his values through his actions.

Words, actions and then a variety of visual aids supplement what is important to us. On his office walls hung pictures of his family, motivational sayings and pictures of his staff. When we walked into his office, we felt at home. We only had to look at his walls and we saw what he thought of our performance. Yes, we all want to know not only what we SHOULD do, but how well we are doing. Ron was quick to inform us through specific conversations, through words of praise, through observation of special moments and through debriefing after challenging times. We got this information in multiples - and that makes a difference.

Not only did Ron care enough to let us know how we were doing, he cared enough to let us know how the school district was doing. This impacted our focus on future goals, on budgets for our school activities and accounts and it helped us understand the day-to-day priorities. Being kept in the loop contributed to his staff's trust of him - and it showed that he trusted us as well.

Ron didn't have the resources to give us monetary recognition in a sizeable way, yet it wasn't necessary. He gave us what was most important - trusted communication.

Since then I have learned that leaders who listen are leaders who when speaking, will have the full attention of their audience. Their willingness to be quiet, to really tune into those around them, to enter a space in order to observe vs. in order to be observed, is the sign of a quality individual. They develop curiousity. They attract notice and they make an impact. If there is anything listening is second to, it's positive communication.

Positive communication sets the tone for the environment. Letters of appreciation, phone calls of support and face to face recognition are proof there has been an investment in office relationships. These leaders would be willing to call new hires at home prior to their first day as a sign of welcome and anticipation. They would share letters of praise from clients/customers/community about direct reports. They would encourage open or anonymous questions and guarantee responses.

Thinking, actions AND words create the space for an environment full of recognition. Evaluate where you are with your communication. Most of us have someone we can recognize who is deeply interested in our perspective. Who is that for you?