5 Strategies of Managing Conflict

I discovered some great information recently after googling "5 Strategies of Managing Conflict". I knew the strategies yet wanted more perspective on using them. This is what I found from Wright State University.

Conflict Management Strategies Taken from Wright State University's College of Business
There is a menu of strategies we can choose from when in conflict situations:

Forcing - using formal authority or other power that you possess to satisfy your concerns without regard to the concerns of the party that you are in conflict with.
Accommodating - allowing the other party to satisfy their concerns while neglecting your own.
Avoiding - not paying attention to the conflict and not taking any action to resolve it.
Compromising - attempting to resolve a conflict by identifying a solution that is partially satisfactory to both parties, but completely satisfactory to neither.
Collaborating - cooperating with the other party to understand their concerns and expressing your own concerns in an effort to find a mutually and completely satisfactory solution (win-win).

Research on conflict management styles has found that each of us tends to use one or two of the above five strategies more than the others. For instance, some people predominantly use collaborating when in interpersonal conflict situations. In other words, although there are five different ways to handle conflicts, such a person is more likely to collaborate than they are to force, accommodate, avoid, or compromise. There are many advantages to using a collaborating strategy to handle interpersonal conflict situations. Collaborating with the other party promotes creative problem solving, and it's a way of fostering mutual respect and rapport.

However, collaborating takes time, and many conflict situations are either very urgent or too trivial to justify the time it takes to collaborate. There are many conflict situations that should be handled with one of the other four conflict management strategies rather than collaboration.

Managers who are very skilled at conflict management are able to (a) understand interpersonal conflict situations and (b) use the appropriate conflict management strategy for each situation.


Matching Strategies to Situations
There are a few key variables that define conflict management situations and determine which conflict management strategies are likely to be effective. Time pressure is an important variable--if there were never any time pressures, collaboration might always be the best approach to use. In addition to time pressures, some of the most important factors to consider are issue importance, relationship importance, and relative power:

Issue importance - the extent to which important priorities, principles or values are involved in the conflict.
Relationship importance - how important it is that you maintain a close, mutually supportive relationship with the other party.
Relative power - how much power you have compared to how much power other party has.

When you find yourself in conflict over very important issues, you should normally try to collaborate with the other party. But, if time is precious and if you have enough power to impose your will, forcing is more appropriate. Realize that you might need to repair the relationship after using a forcing strategy if the other party feels that you did not show adequate consideration for their concerns. Again, collaborating is normally the best strategy for handling conflicts over important issues.

When dealing with moderately important issues, compromising can often lead to quick solutions. However, compromise does not completely satisfy either party, and compromise does not foster innovation the way that taking the time to collaborate can. So, collaborating is a better approach to dealing with very important issues.

When you find yourself in conflict over a fairly unimportant issue, using an accommodating strategy is a quick way to resolve the conflict without straining your relationship with the other party. Collaborating is also an option, but it might not be worth the time.

Avoiding should normally be reserved for situations where there is a clear advantage to waiting to resolve the conflict. Too often, interpersonal conflicts persist and even worsen if there is no attempt to resolve them. Avoiding is appropriate if you are too busy with more important concerns and if your relationship with the other party is unimportant. However, if either the issue or the relationship between the parties is important, then avoidance is a poor strategy.

Inappropriate Strategy for Managing Self during Conflict

So last month I had my hair cut from the same guy at the same place I've been going to for the past two years. I like this guy because he knows how to cut thick hair and gives me a short cut I can rely on. It's just short enough that it's edgy, which reflects the confidence appearance I am after.

He and I have really developed an ability to talk openly about ourselves, which leads us each to look forward to our next visit. Hence, in the previous visit I shared my enthusiasm for going to Miami FL where I would be presenting two workshops for a firm's annual conference, enjoying the arrangements downtown Miami, and looking forward to my first major speaking engagement for a private group. So when Roger suggested I come in early the week of my departure for a complimentary "spruce up", I took him up on it.

That afternoon came and I added a massage to the time there, supporting a new associate who offers chair massage. Shoot, why not since this visit wasn't costing me anything? $15 was easy enough to afford. Of course the massage was enjoyable, which made my haircut even more enjoyable. But when Roger gave me back my credit card receipt after ringing me up I realized something was wrong. There was the cut and the massage listed, an amount I wasn't planning to spend. Additionally, I realized he had forgotten his complimentary offer to me.

Stunned, I said nothing. First, I didn't want to make a scene in his shop - which I wouldn't have made, had I addressed it correctly. And secondly, I decided that I was putting too much importance on the dollar. So I signed, and drove away.

My method for handling that conflict was avoidance. Eventually I let this scenario eat away at me, because I didn't like how I handled it. Which led me to call him. I knew if I didn't, I would begin to question Roger's actions, lose trust in him and no longer have the relationship I had. Simply because I didn't address the conflict using the appropriate strategy.

So I called him. He apologized for being so forgetful, took the charge off my bill and committed to making it up to me, all of which he has done.

This scenario is less about Roger and more about me. And the way I tend to manage conflict. Of the 5 strategies we could use to manage conflict, most of us use only one or two. Yet depending on the scenario, any of the 5 could be appropriate.

The strategy I used was avoidance. Now in some cases, avoidance works. When the other person is a relationship that doesn't matter to you or your focusing on things of more importance than the conflict issue. In my case, I couldn't stop thinking about the extra charge to my credit card. Trying to get my mind off it, I played cd's in my car, I focused on the traffic around me, but the scenario was unsettled in my head. I kept going back to the moment Roger charged me for both fees. Clearly this wasn't an avoidance-appropriate strategy issue. Additionally, Roger was an important relationship to me. I didn't want to distrust him, so I needed to give him the chance to address my concern.

The strategy I wanted to use but opted out of is Forcing him to rethink what he was doing or to hear the pre-arranged condition. For some reason I resisted, yet I see that under the time constraint of having to sign on the dotted line, it was the most appropriate strategy. Speak up!

Want to know about the 5 strategies, go to this link. It's good information. And it can save you some time, relationship and grief.

Finding difficulty understanding what's really at the core of the conflict? The information above won't help until you can objectively see what you're dealing with. In that case, contact me.

What Style Communicator are You?

There are 4 communication styles prevalent among us. Here is a brief overview of them. See which you can relate to. Then, determine who you most wish to be around. Let me know!



D - fast paced, demonstrative, the Doer. Likes decisive people, wants people to be confident and direct. Results are important to them.

I - fast paced, values feelings, the Interpersonal guru. Very social, wants people to like them. Image and reputation are important to them.

S - slow paced, a thinker, values independence, is Steady. Wants ease, peace and thinks distance and time are important to reflect.

C- slow paced, concerned about quality, is Credible. Asks questions that lead to proof, statistics, and process. Wants value.

Productive Networking Comes from Connecting

As with technology, when two business networking sources connect, power is unleashed.
Nothing tells this more readily than my networking meetings today.

A Columbus LinkedIn connection agreed to have coffee with me after I reached out by saying simply, "Hey, we're both in the LinkedIn GETDOT group and I don't think we've met. Want to?"

Being a relationship-driven guy, my contact agreed, invited me to join him at the Columbus Athletic Club and we had breakfast. I asked him how LinkedIn is working for him, had him share how he uses social media in general, and the next thing I knew he asked me about my business for a very special purpose. He was intrigued by the study of presentation techniques. Being a seasoned attorney, he is now paying attention to how to tweak his skills to win more cases and better support his clients.

As a result, he is introducing me to his professional peer group who all are looking to grow in areas I can help with!

Again at lunch today, another network acquaintance and I started discussing upcoming summer activities, then after I asked him to talk about his accomplishments for a bit, I was able to seek some guidance from him on a target market of mine whereupon he eventually invited me to write articles for the LinkedIn group he manages. Bingo -another successful meeting!

Finding the connection with people is key. And it's not as hard as it may appear. It includes observing the communication style they use and catering to it. Whether they are introvert or extrovert, people or task focused, connecting well is all about forgetting yourself and appreciating them for who they are.

For tips on the 4 communication styles, click on above title for a new blog link. Want some guidance in connecting while networking? Let me know :)

merri@bdbcommunication.com

There's Power in New Information

Over the past week I've had a hitch in my step. It's been lifting me out of my seat and into motion. It's been inciting my attitude toward enthusiastic conversation and bringing me into motivational sharing. All because I've been reading.

Sure, I have been reading fluently over the past 10 years (ever since I stopped teaching!) in my spare time. Proof of this is the recurring fine list at the public library. I wander through the new acquisitions and easily grab 3 or 4 books every week. Most weeks, anyway. Whether they're nonfiction or a variety of attorney/spy/terrorist novels, they attract my attention.

But the newest read is online. This isn't a plug for reading mindless blogs - this is a pure appreciation for discovering a writer who, like me, is focusing her work on the development of attorneys. What a find! I no longer need to reinvent the wheel to discover unique patterns within that professional group. Ronda Muir has done the work for me. Now my focus is in applying it to my ability to serve them in such a way they value the results.

For instance, I have learned that 70% of attorneys are introverts. Knowing this, I am thrilled to conclude that my communication confidence coaching has landed on a great target market. Whether they are in the courtroom, in an office meeting, at a networking event or with clients, they will be stumbling around unsure of themselves in most cases. With my ability to relate (from an introvert's perspective and experiences) to their challenges and needs, combined with my knowledge and accomplishments in helping people speak with confidence whether interpersonally or presentationally, attorneys who work with me will now feel better about themselves at the end of the day.

Until I read that statistic, I had taken a shot in the dark, using my intuition to guide me in my target market. Now that I am validated by this new information, I am motivated to appeal to that industry with more gusto.

New information can give us motivation, especially when it's relevant, meaningful, understandable and focused. It's important that I surround myself with great resources (whether people, books, bloggers, websites, etc.) so I continually stay excited about my priorities and responsibilities. Only then will those around me benefit. They will see the transparency of my emotional expression, sense the energy in my activity and get attracted to what I have going on.

For others who are business owners, salespeople, attorneys or other professionals who are in the position to influence, it is vital to surround yourself with new information. It has power.

And for speakers/presenters who wish to influence, to inspire or to bring people into action, researching your topics of interest is important. Yet learning as much as possible about your target market, your audience and their interests will add a hitch to your step. You'll get pulled along by the momentum of your own desire and hook others into your journey as well.

Keep reading, stay motivated, keep talking to vibrant, intelligent and experienced resources. It affects your attitude, your message, your delivery, your connection and what you are projecting. It's the difference between life and death when communicating.

Nail the Message

Without a well-prepared message, we lose what it is we're saying. And so does our audience. With one that is prepared, tested and familiar, we nail the focus of the moment.


If you want to nail the focus of the moment, review what the best messages have in common.

The best messages have some general things in common:
1. They are focused. The speaker stays on track with a clear intention, well-explained details and although not predictable, logical conclusion.
2. They are understandable. The language used is common to the audienced and is significant to their circumstances.
3. They are meaningful. Not only is the information logical, it connects emotionally (perhaps shares consequences, benefits, hopes, etc.) This gives it value.
4. They are insightful. Messages stand out when the information is shared from an uncommon yet relevant perspective.
5. They are fresh. With the number of "experts" on so many topics of interest, it isn't easy to come up with fresh material unless you stay on top of your subject area, surround yourself with good resources and are willing to share.

Repeating what is already familiar, or sharing what is not understandable is a mark of unplanned and thoughtless effort. Messages with this result are quickly tuned out.

Nail the message and you get an audience who wants a relationship with you, who is appreciative of your effort and who sees your value.

Where Are You Going with This?

Sometimes it's such a priviledge to be invited to speak to a group that we lose sight of how to function. Our emotional brain seems to win over our logical brain which leads us to ramble on and on without a sense of direction.

Or at least this has been my experience - and I mean from a speaker's standpoint. Some of my best learning experiences have come from dismal failure. For instance, for the first few years of my speaking career I had too many things to say in a short amount of time. I recall the first time this happened - way back in high school - when I was called to present my Buckeye Girls' State experience for the local VFW who sponsored my involvement.

Excited to speak of my priviledge of being selected, I shared many FUN things that came from the week-long stay. Although a HS sophomore, I spent little time away from home. So a week-long stay was a huge journey in life for me.

I avoided one trap many speakers fall into - talking about things they really know little about, just to appear smarter. Buckeye Girls' State opened the world of politics and governance to me, someone who paid little attention in Government class. And if these women wanted to hear about my lessons there, they were disappointed. That was a blur to me!

All I could focus my speech on was the people I met and the activities I hadn't experienced before (new campfire singalongs, the academy-like showcases of victory in elections, the responsibility of leadership within the dorm floors, navigating the campus in a timely manner, etc.)


I entered the VFW hall without a prepared script, which also meant I hadn't practiced for clarity or timing what I had to say. Essentially, I simply blurted out what I had so much fun doing, rambling with expressive and passionate glee about my week until it seemed I had spoken long enough.

Fortunately, the women were all highly engaged, for I rattled on endlessly. However, there were several things I could have done differently to walk away with the focus on wonderful opportunity they had given me and to persuade them to continue to do so.

Let me contrast that speech with one I gave a few months ago. This new one was to be to a group of candidates for political office who, like me, may have been introverts. My topic was in Giving them hope in their speaking and networking activities, regardless of their confidence level. And my speech could last no more than 2-3 minutes, while they were eating!

I used a simple formula that is timeless, valuable and leads to positive results.

1. First, I determined how I wanted my audience to think of me during the course of the speech and by the conclusion.
2. Secondly, I focused on them, not me, by relating to their circumstances - both the opportunities and the natural challenges.
3. Finally, I gave them some tips for meeting the challenges while offering to be a resource if they chose to follow up to gain further benefit.

Before the day of the speech, I clarified my focus, wrote my message, and I practiced it aloud in a voice that fits the impact I wished to make on them. This told me several things: how much time the speech would take, how easy it was to say it with the existing wording, and then I learned what needed to be deleted.

Usually I have too much information. And although many speakers will talk faster as a result, I know this loses audiences. So it's important to drop needless information. NOT THE STORIES, though. That's useful. It compells emotional interest.

After engaging audience interest with a story about my introverted nature and the challenges I faced as a result, I shared a highlighted version of information which amounted to a simple strategy that I used to break down these natural barriers. This approach with bulleted strategy develops the desire to learn more, which as a business owner who wants to attract clients and as a writer who wants followers/readers, and as a presenter who wants to begin relationships with people, it's important to do to make strong emotional connections and engage curiosity.

I don't cheapen my message by holding back on delivering meaningful information for free. I give it. It's just that I simplify the focus and then dig deep with supportive information. A 2-3 minute message is a perfect way to develop the discipline of writing your message, for it requires a very select area of attention. When we hone a focus, we can look at it from a variety of angles. Listeners appreciate this in-depth overview with even an isolated topic.

Speaking requires really doing your homework. If the message is only a few minutes, the planning, writing, re-drafting, practice, refocus and eventual final message can take hours to create. But it's worth it. It demonstrates our concentration, our ability to use the listener's time well and the appeal for more from us.

At the conclusion, we want people to be eager to use what they've just heard because they have been informed, enlightened and motivated. And by distilling how we wish to come across first, we deliver the message using language and gestures which support it. The last thing we want an audience to say is, Where are you going with this? Instead, we want our audience to SEE our FOCUS. And we certainly want them to Stay until the message has ended!