Communication Skill Barriers

Whether we are attorneys or not, we all have what it takes to communicate effectively. Either we were born with the skills or we learned (directly or indirectly) what it takes to develop relationships and influence. On the contrary, we all have what it takes to hold ourselves back from communicating well, whether in public speaking, interpersonal effectiveness or intrapersonal (self-talk) effectiveness. It's from this platform of barriers that we most often make judgements about our effectiveness. And often we feel ineffective. The good news is, we can break down those barriers.

Here are a few things to keep in mind regarding barriers.

3 Reasons for Starting Mondays Well

This week I got off to a bad start, starting on Monday. I didn't get up with my alarm, missed my time at the gym telling myself I needed a slow segue from my vacation week to my work week. Then I realized I had appts to keep.

Rushing through the shower and out the door, I headed to the coffee shop where my networking colleague and I last met, then discovered from my phone calendar that I was not only heading to the wrong place, I needed 25 minutes to get there. The appt was scheduled for in 7 minutes. Checking my contact file, I realized I was missing the appointee's phone number. Rats.

In the meantime I needed to google directions to the new location in Dublin and my GPS wasn't coming in. Hoping for him to call me, I realized my morning actions weren't measuring up. Fortunately, he did call and I got to the appt, very embarassed. The rest of the day seemed full of mishaps that by 6pm I was ready to end. Actually, I wanted to redo Monday.

When Mondays go well, the rest of the week is full of possibility. When it doesn't, we're just the average Joe, wishing things were different. There are 3 reasons I have for starting Mondays off well.

3 energies that impact any work environment

A few years ago I explored the topic of Highly Sensitive People when I picked up Elaine Aron's book from the library. The title and topic made an impact on me, for I have a need for quiet, calm, tranquil environments. When in these environments I get focus and clarity. Seeing a book with a label like this immediately gave me a connection to a group of people I assumed I belong in. Now that I've read it I can affirm membership in this category. (If you are feeling the same way, I recommend you find a copy of Aron's book and/or workbook to gain insight for yourself as well.)

Sensitive person or not, there are 3 energies at work in all workplaces that will affect you. Without knowing this, all we can say for sure is, we are experiencing something that gives us hope or that saps us. But knowing these energies we can monitor and address them for best results.

Merri's Tips - Part 4

19. Take the edge off. Learn what works best for you - a cold beer, a shot of something stiffer, a good laugh, a massage, or just getting up and walking away. Telling yourself you can handle it without that just makes you edgier. We all need to take the edge off. Otherwise we treat others or ourselves in regretful ways.

20. Know what is worth saying YES to. Once we identify what is worth making a commitment to, we can then say NO to other things that get in the way.

21. Don't take things personally. But understand that others will. Especially kids. And kids who never grew up.

Merri's Tips - Part 3

13. Thinking doesn't replace doing. Although thinking is hugely important, deciding is moreso. Better yet is acting on the decision. Action is what makes thinking powerful.

14. If you have questions, ask them.  Take advantage of time spent with peers, trainers, coaches, supervisors and mentors. Any moment can be a teachable moment for someone needing to inform us. Help them get that opportunity.

15. If there is tension in the room, work through it. Tense moments, themselves, are teachable moments. Avoid shutting down or ignoring it. Instead, put on your curiousity cap and discover what's going on.

Merri's Tips - Part 2

7. If you're a solo business owner, create a structure for daily affirmations. We all appreciate and/or thrive on recognition, let alone praise. Working solo means we aren't regularly around folks put in the position to give us this. Create it. Write out affirmations daily. (My talents and ideas earn me $___ per month)  Fill in the blank. With a structure like this, our focus goes to what we're good at, blessed in, or wanting to accomplish. This keeps us motivated into action. Face it - solo business owners need motivation!

8. Pay attention to your gut. Not that you need to watch your weight - or maybe you do. Paying attention to your gut means to trust your instincts. They usually indicate caution or opportunity. Even when you can't pinpoint the logic, pay attention to it.

Going with our gut is hardest when we are put in a position to explain our actions. Prepare yourself with a simple plan. You could find yourself saying to someone, "I'm not sure why I'm feeling the need to wait before making this decision. Let me think on it." or "Something I can't put my finger on is troubling me." or "I can't explain this right now, yet I feel the need to move forward."

Guts are measures of our stress.

9. Inconsistency is part of our nature.  If we get frustrated by other peoples' tardiness, we often find we also show up just at the last - or beyond - the last minute. It is not by chance we are in the professions we are in. Something about it is what we need. Accept that you are inconsistent and you'll be easier on others who demonstrate this.

10. If you sell services, put your picture on your business card. This isn't a sign of vanity - instead see it as a form of access to you. When people see your face on your card they remember you much more often. If you face is on an ad, all the better. Bring access to your business referral community and your prospects. And make sure the photo shows how you want to be perceived.

11. When your alarm goes off, be thankful you're still alive! Instead of dreading the start of the day, consider the alternative - the lost opportunity. Get up and get connected to your spirit, your purpose and your relationships. That will awaken you and give you something to smile about.

12. As your week ends, look ahead at the number of appts you have scheduled into your next week. 5 appointments for the business builder is minimum. This allows you to attend networking events, to give presentations, to have follow-up appointments, to meet with your business partners and associates it is best to stay in touch with. For the business builder looking to pick up their pace, schedule 6-10 appointments weekly. Once you know which range to focus on, call/email/visit people daily to keep the appointments scheduled ahead. Before you leave the appointment, ask who your appointee would recommend you meet with next. Then take the steps to put them into your calendar.

Merri's Tips - Part 1

Thanks to Frank Ramos' blog on what he has learned in life, I will also be putting out a few remarks about my own experiences, as it translates into tips for the reader.

1. If you haven't decided what you want to be yet when you grow up, start paying attention to what revves you up. If something really makes you frustrated or angry, like social causes or issues, volunteer for the appropriate non-profit group to learn more about what it involves. If you've had an emotional experience about life circumstances, move into action around it. Public speakers and entrepreneurs get their start this way. Otherwise, life will be based on what happens to you vs. what you do about what happens.