These conversations include but are not limited to
- interviewing/firing
- sales/purchasing
- conflict resolution
- negotiation/argument strategy
- admitting error/holding others to account
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
The More Difficult the Conversation, the Greater Use of Your Gifts
Lately I have been talking with law firm managing partners, business developers, recruiters/career coaches and others in professional service industries - all around the common denominator of handling/not handling difficult conversations.
These conversations include but are not limited to
These conversations include but are not limited to
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
The Value of Understanding Yourself
This morning I had difficulty getting out of bed, and even more difficulty keeping up with my workout partner while we were out walking.
Several years ago I was monitoring my tennis playing technique and realized it takes me forever to leave the service line after I serve to my opponent. I spend so much time in analysis that I have analysis paralysis.
Move! I finally told myself.
So this morning, once we were on the return from our workout, I felt better and was moving faster. Although I will never be someone to jump out of bed consistently or to speed into an activity, I will get up and get out. It just takes me awhile to get going.
Knowing this, I can coach myself into setting boundaries that allow for a slow start. For instance, I like attending networking events early on. There is less activity, so it's easier to engage than later when activity is high - especially for us introverts who get turned off by high energy in these unstructured events.
Similar to lying in bed awhile after my alarm goes off, I don't immediately jump into the networking game but take my time.
I also allow myself to get used to things before I expect too much out of myself. I am usually slow to win at sports or cards until I have played several hands or spent some time warming up. This tells me I must also warm up prior to a presentation. I don't wish to waste the introduction warming up.
But if I'm playing tennis, I must tell myself to focus on moving. Similarly, movement out of my seat where I work on my computer, into public places for meetings, and to the telephone to return calls is best handled with little delay. Otherwise, I lose the ability to position myself to receive from others.
What do you know about your own patterns? How can you make use of this knowledge? You may find it's not easy analyzing yourself, so ask someone else what they observe about you. Don't be surprised by how right they are.
Understanding yourself allows you to value who you are, how you are and then to make good use of this knowledge. What you learn about yourself is key to how well you communicate with others.
Several years ago I was monitoring my tennis playing technique and realized it takes me forever to leave the service line after I serve to my opponent. I spend so much time in analysis that I have analysis paralysis.
Move! I finally told myself.
So this morning, once we were on the return from our workout, I felt better and was moving faster. Although I will never be someone to jump out of bed consistently or to speed into an activity, I will get up and get out. It just takes me awhile to get going.
Knowing this, I can coach myself into setting boundaries that allow for a slow start. For instance, I like attending networking events early on. There is less activity, so it's easier to engage than later when activity is high - especially for us introverts who get turned off by high energy in these unstructured events.
Similar to lying in bed awhile after my alarm goes off, I don't immediately jump into the networking game but take my time.
I also allow myself to get used to things before I expect too much out of myself. I am usually slow to win at sports or cards until I have played several hands or spent some time warming up. This tells me I must also warm up prior to a presentation. I don't wish to waste the introduction warming up.
But if I'm playing tennis, I must tell myself to focus on moving. Similarly, movement out of my seat where I work on my computer, into public places for meetings, and to the telephone to return calls is best handled with little delay. Otherwise, I lose the ability to position myself to receive from others.
What do you know about your own patterns? How can you make use of this knowledge? You may find it's not easy analyzing yourself, so ask someone else what they observe about you. Don't be surprised by how right they are.
Understanding yourself allows you to value who you are, how you are and then to make good use of this knowledge. What you learn about yourself is key to how well you communicate with others.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Tips for Handling Toxic Environments
It seems I keep running into environments where stress is a killer for the employee. Not as in coffin or cremate, but at least regarding sense of isolation and anxiety and lack of recognition or support. In some of these cases, it does translate into loss of life, because it becomes loss of self. What this does to the individual is strip them of pride, distract them from their skills and repeatedly miscommunicate their lack of ability.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Introverts and Extroverts Value Their Contacts
Who are you connecting with this week?
My Master Mind groups this month have been focusing on their key contacts for business and relationship development.
It is common strategy for pipeline development to make a certain number of calls weekly, seeking
face time with those in the position to make decisions on the services we offer.
Although it isn't a particularly favorite task of many introverts, picking up the phone to stay in touch is beneficial. Not only does it give us practical skills in conversation development and getting to the point, it helps us exercise our rapport-building strategies while leading to appointment development.
Valoria Hoover, past Ohio Women's Bar Association president and co-founder of the OWBA Foundation, says "An attorney does nothing for themselves. You represent others, so you must know others." Getting outside of our selves and reaching out to others for support, feedback and assistance are key to practice development, no matter your introvert/extrovert temperament.
Staying connected is key. Whether through email or phone calls, we must schedule time with others. While it shows how much we value those we spend time with, it also helps us fine-tune our understanding of their circumstances and needs.
Who are you reaching out to, today?
Friday, May 18, 2012
With a Little Help from my Friends
As we consider the relationships around us, key relationships and those who are dear to us, we rightly value our impact on them. Do we also value their impact on us?
Just this week, several individuals have shared both concerns and successes regarding friends and doing business.
One had taken the difficult step (in his mind) of reaching out to individuals of long-standing relationship to seek advice/assistance while prospecting. On telling his success he shared the observation that the situation wasn't nearly as difficult or cumbersome as he expected.
"But of course," were the responses of several of his friends. "I would be glad to help." What a relief after he had anticipated hesitation and possible loss of friendship.
Another individual shared a need to take care in handling a possible opportunity for purchasing a friend's business. "This is new to me," he offered. "Not only have I never bought a business before. I want to do right by my friend. This is one of my biggest challenges right now."
How do you feel when asking friends to help with business or business connections?
I was at a women's leadership luncheon yesterday which focused on the theme of Asking. One of the presenters suggested, "When we ask, we allow giving to happen". The same is when we ask friends for advice, support, assistance whether in business or personal matters.
Take care with these relationships, yet while taking care, trust that you have the relationship to ask for help. The Beatles, your mother, your boss and your friends will appreciate it.
Just this week, several individuals have shared both concerns and successes regarding friends and doing business.
One had taken the difficult step (in his mind) of reaching out to individuals of long-standing relationship to seek advice/assistance while prospecting. On telling his success he shared the observation that the situation wasn't nearly as difficult or cumbersome as he expected.
"But of course," were the responses of several of his friends. "I would be glad to help." What a relief after he had anticipated hesitation and possible loss of friendship.
Another individual shared a need to take care in handling a possible opportunity for purchasing a friend's business. "This is new to me," he offered. "Not only have I never bought a business before. I want to do right by my friend. This is one of my biggest challenges right now."
How do you feel when asking friends to help with business or business connections?
I was at a women's leadership luncheon yesterday which focused on the theme of Asking. One of the presenters suggested, "When we ask, we allow giving to happen". The same is when we ask friends for advice, support, assistance whether in business or personal matters.
Take care with these relationships, yet while taking care, trust that you have the relationship to ask for help. The Beatles, your mother, your boss and your friends will appreciate it.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Are You Practiced or Engaging?
How is your delivery with the routine things you say? Practiced or engaging?
I used to be a BNI member when I was in business in Toledo.
The idea was each week we would have something different to say about ourselves and our work, opening the minds of those in the room to how they could remember us between meetings for referring business our way.
To get this result, we needed to work at our 60-second introduction.
I used to be a BNI member when I was in business in Toledo.
The idea was each week we would have something different to say about ourselves and our work, opening the minds of those in the room to how they could remember us between meetings for referring business our way.
To get this result, we needed to work at our 60-second introduction.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
What Your Audiences Fear #2
Yesterday's post addressed the number one fear of audiences - speakers wasting their time. Today's fear is a very close second.
As a past high school teacher, I remember the number of times I did this in my own classroom. It's painful for students to sit through a class feeling unaware. Emotionally they are left with a complex of not feeling smart enough.
Can you relate to my high school students, listening to a presenter who speaks over your head? Who uses jargon or language you don't understand? Who gets carried away with information or stories you cannot relate to? Then you know first-hand the problem associated with audience fear #2 - feeling left out.
What this leads to is frustration, anger, exasperation and sometimes even hostility. It comes from feeling trapped listening to something that makes us feel inadequate. We presenters don't want audiences responding this way. It's stressful enough just getting in front of audiences.
We want to make the most out of our time with audiences, getting signs of reflection or approval, even participation.
So if we introverts are the presenters, consider how often we get emotionally overwhelmed when presenting that we only focus on what we know, forgetting the audience. That's when the spigot is turned on and our presentation flows on and on from an endless supply of information that often makes our listeners feel they are facing a fire hose. We have blasted them with information. Now they must defend themselves by throwing questions our way or escaping.
We presenters not only must relate to our audiences, we must remember that any time we are addressing them, we must connect what they know to what we know and from there move forward to inform or motivate.
Notice the order here: connect what they know to what we know. This order defers to our listeners first and then respectfully connects their world to ours. Not the other way around.
The first order of business for us presenters to defer focus to an audience is to discover their world, relevant to the presentation topic. Discovering the world of others may not be usual for an introvert, yet using our research and analytical abilities, it is in our skill set. While it puts our value on hold temporarily, deferring to our audience creates a relationship that leads us to be highly valued.
Therefore, we presenters must connect our audience circumstances to our topic. From there we presenters have a connection with our audiences that keeps them from escaping, instead, focused on familiar territory and following your lead.
Remove this second most common audience fear and make yourselves clear!
Audiences fear when we speakers focus on things they don't understand.
As a past high school teacher, I remember the number of times I did this in my own classroom. It's painful for students to sit through a class feeling unaware. Emotionally they are left with a complex of not feeling smart enough.
Can you relate to my high school students, listening to a presenter who speaks over your head? Who uses jargon or language you don't understand? Who gets carried away with information or stories you cannot relate to? Then you know first-hand the problem associated with audience fear #2 - feeling left out.
What this leads to is frustration, anger, exasperation and sometimes even hostility. It comes from feeling trapped listening to something that makes us feel inadequate. We presenters don't want audiences responding this way. It's stressful enough just getting in front of audiences.
We want to make the most out of our time with audiences, getting signs of reflection or approval, even participation.
So if we introverts are the presenters, consider how often we get emotionally overwhelmed when presenting that we only focus on what we know, forgetting the audience. That's when the spigot is turned on and our presentation flows on and on from an endless supply of information that often makes our listeners feel they are facing a fire hose. We have blasted them with information. Now they must defend themselves by throwing questions our way or escaping.
We presenters must make ourselves clear.
We presenters not only must relate to our audiences, we must remember that any time we are addressing them, we must connect what they know to what we know and from there move forward to inform or motivate.
Notice the order here: connect what they know to what we know. This order defers to our listeners first and then respectfully connects their world to ours. Not the other way around.
The first order of business for us presenters to defer focus to an audience is to discover their world, relevant to the presentation topic. Discovering the world of others may not be usual for an introvert, yet using our research and analytical abilities, it is in our skill set. While it puts our value on hold temporarily, deferring to our audience creates a relationship that leads us to be highly valued.
Therefore, we presenters must connect our audience circumstances to our topic. From there we presenters have a connection with our audiences that keeps them from escaping, instead, focused on familiar territory and following your lead.
Remove this second most common audience fear and make yourselves clear!
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