Kids Know What Matters

"Why?"

One of the hardest questions to answer is the most important one to consider when we are selling, influencing and speaking.

When making the short talk to get action, as Dale Carnegie puts it, the final step in the process is to
share the reason.

Kids know this helps them weigh the value of the action. And so do we adults. If we know the value of an action, and we have good reason to influence the action, then we need to share the why.

Oh, the pacing....oh the pain....

Those of you who know me understand I spend lots of time watching other presenters get in front of audiences. In the spirit of observing and critiquing, this afternoon I spent some time watching a recorded version of a presentation.

It was horrendous. It lasted only 45 minutes, but just a few minutes into it I could tell this wasn't going to be enjoyable. But I pushed myself to watch it, hoping to see something I enjoyed, because I knew the people in it. Namely, the main presenter.

Performance Reviews - they are worth a speaker's time

Thanks to a class I am taking through the National Speaker Association, I have returned to the practice of asking for feedback at the conclusion of each of my presentations. NSA highly suggests using a form of evaluation, suggesting we speakers craft our own form with the intent to get specific feedback beyond a rating or checklist.

Usually I know the tone these evaluations will take by the time I am 2-3 minutes into my presentation, let alone by the time I close. What I don't know is the specifics. And that's what matters. Sure, evaluations can affirm our sense of value, yet they can also offer insight with suggestions designed to encourage and expand our ideas.

I Already Know, and So Do You

I have been awake since 4am, after not going to sleep until 1. The trigger for this unrest is something I have experienced before. I feel anxious about facing my next audience.

My anxiety stems from being expected to speak on a topic uncommon for my usual addresses.  And since my topic of focus is one uncommon to me, I feel burdened with needing to get more information. How much is enough?

Ponder These: quotes on introversion

Friday is a great day for reflecting on the past week, the week ahead and things relevant to who we are. Introverts, see what you think of the following 5 quotes on introversion:




"I'm an introvert at heart... And show business - even though I've loved it so much - has always been hard for me."
Roy Rogers



"I was a very shy and introverted person, and it was hard for me to talk to people and make relationships."
Gabriela Sabatini

“I just realized my lips are inside out. They should be turned inwards, because I spend most of my time talking to myself. ”
Jarod Kintz

“Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially “on,” we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn’t antisocial. It isn’t a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: “I’m okay, you’re okay—in small doses.”
― Jonathan Rauch

“Having people in different optimal environments increases the chances of survival of the human race as a whole. It is nature's way to preserve her species.”
― Marti Olsen Laney, The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World

We know it's hard, but...

Yesterday I shared a post on preparing being the key  (Introverts Can Prepare to Step Out of the Comfort Zone) to motivation. This morning the TODAY show put focus on Why It's Hard for Women to Speak Up in Meetings. The question is, if you know there is a reason for why you behave certain ways, does this give you an excuse to continue doing so?

When I was teaching high school speech class, moments before students would get up to present I would hear them say, "But it's hard!" As though this is an excuse to not take action.

Yep, it's hard to get out of bed, it's hard to hear no, it's hard to speak up in meetings, to attend networking events and to give public speeches, yet that's a silly excuse for not doing so. Preparing for it to be hard while coaching ourselves to do it anyway is half the battle. Soon we find what was once thought hard is now easy.

I cringed when I saw the title of the news magazine for the above focus on women in meetings. We don't need any more reason to not speak up. What we need are reasons to speak up and direction in how to accomplish it.

Reasons to speak up
1. We have ideas that need to be heard
2. We provide sensitivity
3. We understand the value of letting all voices be heard
4. We create diverse perspective, that in the sharing, benefits the group as a whole
5. It gives us confidence

Similarly to introverts, women are thinkers as well as feelers. Women stand just as much of a chance in offering substance as men.

How to speak up
1. Plan for it
2. Practice it
3. Do it again

Although we make it harder than it is, it may FEEL hard, but it's fairly simple to speak up. Sure, there are times you will fall into the common pattern shared above, but focus on the reasons speaking up will serve a purpose. You can let your voice be heard.

Introverts Can Prepare to Step Out of the Comfort Zone

Yesterday I wrote Yes, You Can Gain Visibility, mentioning those times when introverts struggle with being seen and still maintaining the introvert comfort. In the article, 10 Ways Introverts Can Get Noticed at Work, Jhaneel Lockhard refers to my favorite author, Nancy Ancowitz, when he says Prepare for the times you have to step out of your comfort zone. Continuing the idea of being seen, let's approach it now from another perspective - being seen within your organization.

Most attorneys start out in a firm where, for the first few years, work is provided to them until they can prove their own ability to originate or business build on their own. From the partner perspective, this is not a time to rest on their laurels of simply being qualified to do the work. The associates must also demonstrate their confidence in doing so.

I once had a client who was struggling to take initiative in firm meetings. She attended, and she had intelligence to share, yet her meeting behavior held her back in many people's eyes. Eyes averted, and head turned down, her nonverbals spoke aloud her lack of confidence. Further behaviors of not speaking - whether to confirm or add to the conversation - forced her supervisors/partners to not only be concerned about the tone she set at firm meetings, but also gave concern about her handling of clients.

Lockhard and Ancowitz suggest preparation is important when anticipating visibility. Whether we are attending internal or external meetings, consider what agenda items you will be able to offer insight in. Further, stepping out of the comfort zone means connecting. It means getting out of our head and into the present with those around us. It means initiating conversation as well as simply participating in it. So as you prepare which items to speak to, make notes on how you will keep your ideas in bullet points, clear and concise.

We introverts who get out of their head when with others - still listening, still observing and still reflecting - allow those around us to trust us. That's worth getting out of our comfort zones.