Kept me awake!

Last night I was reading my typical fiction book (espionage thriller) when the distraction of my newest public library find kept calling to me. On my bedside cube is a copy of the book, The Mind at Night. The story line of my other book couldn't hold my interest as much as the desire to pick up that book calling to me, so I gave in and switched.

Reflecting back, I realize that one of the themes of The Mind at Night addresses how our brain at night works on what we chose not to focus on during the day. So no, I didn't end up dreaming about the book I wanted to read - instead, I started it!

Written by a journalist who has been following psychoanalysts of late and comparing them to those who made focus on dreams so captivating initially, Andrea Rock writes in a compelling style. While she addresses highly technical topics, she does so by telling stories about the dream forerunners and pointing out why they were so passionate about their work.

I've only started the book, yet I didn't want to turn out my light to sleep last night. It wasn't that I feared what my brain would do, or that I would motivate certain dreams to begin. It was simply because I wanted to keep learning more about the brain when conscious and the brain when unconscious.

The test will be to see if I can awaken directly after REM sleep, remember my dream, immediately compare it to what I've been reading and get better at understanding myself! Or if I can't do all that, simply enjoy the book.









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Small Talk

As we approach another weekend, I'm reminded of a networking coffee I had several weeks ago when I used easy small talk and was rewarded with business!

As many savvy business networkers know, building relationship is the key to connecting effectively with folks in business. Small talk is a step that gently builds relationship. One of the easiest entries into small talk when a weekend approaches is to ask, "What are you doing this weekend?" Or when a new week begins, starting with "How was your weekend?"

I sat down for coffee with a political campaign advisor to be introduced to a consultant friend of his and innocently asked, "So how was your weekend?" Without a beat he responded, "Good, it was calm except for Sunday, when I had a meeting with one of my clients. Oh,I wanted to ask you if you'd consider working with him. He could use your presentational coaching."

There you have it. Within 3 minutes or so the coffee turned into a business opportunity which has since become a sale. And just so you know, I didn't keep the conversation on the potential sale, but I responded with interest and the desire to learn more later, which pleased him. Then I brought things right back to small talk.

Using the power of connecting with folks is the key to disarming tension, unlocking opportunities and building profitable relationships of mutual interest. There is nothing like it. If you're in business, the referral prospects is the easiest to close as well as to work with, for they like and need you before you even meet them. They've been referred by someone they already know, like or trust and they come into the opportunity wanting to solutions vs. wanting to stand in judgment.

Connecting with folks requires relaxing. This means being flexible with someone's communication style, listening to what's on their mind and being open. It involves not only getting to know them but letting them get to know you. The more they like being around you, the better the chance you will build a relationship that leads to social, personal or business connections you truly appreciate.

So enjoy small talk. Use it. Get to know people and let them get to know you. What comes from that open exchange uncovers personalities that attract and amaze us. What a way to enjoy the people around us!

What Impact?

Last night we watched the dvd of Amelia, capturing the courageous expeditions of Amelia Earheart, aviatrix. Since it stuck to the historical record of what happened to her, there was no surprise about her final attempt to fly around the world. Obviously she and her co-pilot were left for missing after their communication system failed. Yet it left me thinking, "wow - I really admire her courage and determination".

Her overall impact was based partly on how she intended to live, partly on how she related to those around her, the message she shared with women and also on what she focused her life's work on.

No wonder I spent the rest of the night engrossed in the impact each of us makes during our lifetime.

Sometimes we forget, like George Bailey, that we are impacting people around us. We treat people around us like we treat ourselves, and deal with responsibilities in a way that demonstrates our confidence or lack of it. In the meantime, we are impacting those around us by our attitudes. We may not realize how we have boosted somebody's day, lifted their spirits, given them a role model or a new lease on life. Simply because we persevered.

When it's not all about us, we focus on the world around us. When we aren't so caught up in our own opinions or beliefs, we may also learn from those in our life.

What impact do you want to make? Do you want to help? Then notice how others are helping. Do you want to serve? Then notice the service of others. Do you want to show courage, demonstrate commitment, make a difference? See that of others.

Intend to see what you intend to do. Amelia did. Eventually George Bailey did also. When we purposefully go about our days, not just with a personal plan but one intent in observing others, we reflect that purpose. This has been my lesson in life - to reflect what I see, not just what I want. I still haven't learned the lesson, so I state it here, in the company of others, to be accountable to it.

What impact do you want to make?

Plan B or not Plan B?

Much of my life I've been advised to have an alternative plan in mind, just in case. Just in case my first plan was really a bad one. Just in case my first plan never materialized, was not accepted, had no merit.

For instance, there was a time theatre really sang in my spirit~ as much out of a form of expression for my introverted nature as a means to gain confidence and feel valued. Yet, who makes a living in theatre? Not the introverts, I was told. Those willing to go where a career on stage made money. Those willing to persist, to do what it takes. Those who had money already. Plan B needed to come into play - no pun intended.

Plan B had tedium, left me feeling out of sorts, didn't hold my attention. Plan B included teaching English, and when students chose it - speech, drama or the communicative arts. While teaching, at least 80% of my classroom time was on Plan B.

Clearly I had no faith in what stirred my spirit. Had I the faith, I would have created a way to make Plan A work. Had I faith, I would have listened to the still small voice within, met the challenges, sacrificed, picked myself up after falling again and again and gone back after Plan A until Plan A worked.

To be, or not to be--that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them.

I'm not retired, nor am I teaching anymore. Yes, I had many great experiences with teaching, met many fascinating people. Yet my spirit wasn't in it. So when I left education, I sought ways to experience the stage, to relive the spirit of fully expressing where my soul is. Presentations I give today come from my spirit, in an effort to reach out to others' spirits. Today my coaching is poised to help others discover Plan A. Desire it. Decide on it. Commit to it, knowing full well that Plans B are only distractions. They waste our time and deflate our purpose.

I've not yet read Ann Lamott's book on Plan B - although critics claim it isn't as good as Traveling Mercies, it's her point about faith that stands out to me. For as I see it, without faith we keep adjusting our sails to more logical plans. With faith, we persist. We move mountains in our way. We break down barriers and enlist the spirits of others.

I propose eradicating all Plans B. They are safe. They are not purposeful. They weaken our nature, make us focus on negativity, spoil our resolve and keep us from living.

I propose we eradicate all Plans B. To B or not to B - if that's the question, my answer is NOT. Stick with plan A no matter how difficult and enjoy living while seeing it through. If you love Plan A, you'll even love dying for it.

So You're Havin' a Breakdown

Melissa Etheridge has a lot to say about Breakdowns. Click on the title to check out her actual words if you'd like. Below is the modified version for the purpose of this post:

So you're having a breakdown
So you're losing the fight
So you're having a breakdown
And (you're) driving and crying
Unraveled and flying
(Going) through your breakdown tonight

What I know about breakdowns is their eventual beauty. It's not that I crave them - I'm like the rest of us. I hate them. Those downward spirals that throw us on our backs catapulting us on and on in an endless succession of twists and turns until finally we throw up our hands and say, "Enough! Okay, I give up!"

But they're a thing of beauty. For people like me, they force me to pause. To notice my patterns of behavior and to get in touch with what hurts. They send me to the internal hot button that is difficult to articulate. Yet once I do, once I say outloud that thing within myself which holds me back, suddenly I've moved forward.

The beauty of the breakdown is the breakthrough. When we get there. We must get there. Until we get there, there is no beauty, no lesson learned, no chance of breaking the pattern.

Take that downward spiral, express the pain, then see the beauty. Enough of that already - it's time to move on.

At the end of the day

Whether you're male or female, employed or not, college degreed or not, born priviledged or not, at the end of the day you sit back and determine how you've spent your time. Do you need a stimulant to feel good about yourself?

A book, a beer, food, sex or adrenilin rush. Are they the sum and total of your ability to sleep with ease? If yes, what is that about?

Each of us deserves to feel good at the end of the day. The question is, how do we get there? Are we able to fall asleep soundly, to get our rest without fits and turns? The next morning do we awaken eager to arise?

What does it take?

At the end of the day you're another day older. What else?

Back of House

I recently wrote about stepping aside and watching the curtain go up for someone. About the anticipation, the concern and the overall sense of helplessness mingled with faith and confidence.

Can there be anything more anxious than having no control over something you are so intricately linked to?



In theatre, when the director wants to be "there" with the performers, he/she stays backstage to feel the energy and be "in with" the show. At least that's what I call it. Backstage, either stage left or stage right, we wait in "the wings" to feel the rhythm and energy of the performance. From there we are in communion with the production elements - with the stage manager, the crew, the cast, the costumers, etc. No more will those in the show pay attention to the director, for they are now on their own. Yet a step removed still allows the director the intimate experience.

Even further away is being in the House - out with the audience. That's where I prefer to stay. Out of the way of the cast and crew, not seeing all the behind the scenes details, not trying to micromanage. Yet valuing the impact of the production on the audience, I get a first-hand feel for the response it is creating. I have as much enjoyment watching the audience as I do watching the delivery of the production.



And that's where I stayed a few nights ago when I once again had the treat of witnessing the presentation of one of my performers. Way in the back, near the exit sign I watched, smiling, knowing the audience was friendly, eager and supportive. Also knowing my performer was well-prepared while exceedingly charged with energy for the room.

I heard every word - clearly. I felt the nervousness coming from the front of stage, watched the audience respond with supportive smiles, with anticipation of greatness. We were all transported into the performer's grasp. We stayed on the edge, awaiting the energy build, enjoying getting carried into the moment. And when we were excited, we applauded. Loud and vibrant, we responded.

I saw the faces around, felt the rhythm of their breathing, watched them react to the message and so appreciate the delivery. That's when I knew it worked. I saw it, felt it, experienced it. I had stepped aside, watching the performer take control, deserving the response that came as a result. Now I'm ready for more.