Welcome to Merri's Blog!

Thanks for being a reader and for sharing these posts with others!

Please leave comments.

Search This Blog

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Directions I've taken

While finishing the book, Gut Check, I started playing the movies of my own life, rating them against my ultimate destination - loving without condition.

For a great number of years I took the path of Escape. This path is one I chose from obvious lack of courage. When confronted, when challenged, when given the chance to stand up and be recognized, my Escape route gave me temporary safety. My childhood years, teen years, and even my early adult years I took the path of least resistance.

Tarek Saab, author of Gut Check, quoted Chesterton by saying, "A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it."

When on the Escape route, I must have been dead.

Although I didn't articulate it that way, I came to the point when living made more sense. The voice within constantly revealed itself, and because it had stayed within that unopened spigot for years, what came out was full of rust.

The new path I took was lined with Aggression. From escape to aggression - pretty natural, especially when considering our human instinct when challenged: fight or flight. I was crying out in defense of self when nobody understood me. I was crying out in judgment of others, when they just didn't get the truth of their impact. While I was crying out, few listened.

Fortunately, or maybe I should say, God-willing, I have survived each of those two deep-rutted directions. Breaking down their barriers, so to speak, while defining a new direction. Some call it balance. Others higher ground. For me, the direction is one of Calm.

And not because of being safe or free or isolated from challenge. The calm comes from stepping away from the emotional plea to fight or flee. It comes from giving up the control of emotion. From relaxing into the moment. From seeking understanding.

This direction has huge benefits to me. It keeps me from having to know all the answers, from assuming the need to be viewed a certain way, from responding to emotional triggers.

And when I consider my ultimate goal - loving unconditionally - you well may see there is only one direction, one path which can lead there. When I'm experiencing calm, I feel complete. Within that frame of mind I love unconditionally. Within the other frames of mind my emotions are too charged with guilt, fear, concern, anger, frustration that loving unconditionally is a thing of the past.

So now I contemplate, how do I keep this direction going?
Send your ideas...


  1. Mary, this is beautiful! I try to practice unattachment from the things that are going on. My ego wants the emotional involvement .. my true self, the self that is devine, wants to stay calm, peaceful and loving. It's not always easy to stay unattached (the ego wants to rule!) but it is worth the struggle.

  2. Wow, made me choke up a bit.