If you like the 70's

This morning the Toledo Eleven news tweeted, "If you liked the 70's, they are back. Not bell bottoms and disco, but milder temps."

What a welcome relief! Not because I dislike bell bottoms or disco (loved them back in the day!) but because I so enjoy the cooler, milder temperatures.

In milder temperatures I am less distracted, more focused, and of a calmer temperament. Creativity is more fluid in mild temperatures. Or at least it seems that way to me. On the DISC profile, I am an S. Of all the 4 communication styles an S represents the steady, peaceful temperament.

Knowing what works for us is important. Knowing how to respond when things don't work for us is just as important.

These past few weeks the needle has hovered in the 90's. That doesn't work for me. Yet because my partner and I live beside a quarry, we take regular swims at night. We stay in the water just long enough to drop our body temperature so at night we can sleep better. Of course, the added benefits of relief from the high temperatures, fun in the water and calm through the lake aren't bad either.

Fortunately we have learned how to respond when the temperature is excessive.

Today I am in my zone with what I like. I have a cat back on my lap as I write, I will be enjoying milder temperatures, I get to meet with a master mind group and also one of my long-standing and fun clients. And we're back in the 70's. These things work for me.

What works for you?

Get Regular Vision Checkups

Yesterday I took advantage of VSP's free eye exam and one pair of glasses. Without vision insurance, I pay for glasses when I can - which means I haven't gone back for a check up or new frames since 2005.

Getting this opportunity for complimentary treatment and frames meant a great deal.

It took time. Free comes at a cost. But since I have had some vision problems lately - computer strain and age take their toll - I knew it was to my advantage to set aside the 90 minutes needed.

But the immediate ROI was when each eye was corrected with the right lens. I had forgotten how good it feels to have strong lens in front of me. My eyes relaxed and my body did, in turn.

Corrective lens give us a state of completion.

Once the doctor determined my prescription on the machine in front of me, he flipped gadgets to reveal my old prescription and then to offer the new. Wow. Until we compare the old with the new, we loss sight of our limitations.

So is the case in our profession. We need regular vision checkups. We need insight and outside perspective from those around us. Just as I sat with the eyewear expert, deferring to her opinion on what frames fit me best, we professionals need defer to others for their unattached perspective.

Asking for others' views comes at a cost, as well. It takes vulnerability - willingness to trust others' judgement and willingness to ask for help. Once we do we get immediate relief.

How regularly do you get professional "vision" checkups? Do you seek feedback of your ideas? Do you brainstorm for the solutions of others? Do you verify the reality of your goals?

Is your check-up system based on what you're comfortable with, like it has been for me with my no-insurance system? If so, you may have lost sight of your limitations.

If so, I challenge you to do what it takes. It is worth the cost. Your vision limitations will be corrected. You will feel complete.

It's All in Your Head

Think you're going to screw up in front of your next audience? If you do, it's because it's all in your head.

The Power of Referral

Most small business owners and business developers understand the power of getting referrals of business. On the flip side, there is even more power in referring business to others.

Distractions I Can't Do Without

As her golden hairs all over my t-shirt will attest, my little Amber is quite the lapcat. It doesn't take her long to spot the laptop in my lap before she hovers on the back of my chair. Stealthily, she saunters into my lap, staying low in case I see her and tell her "no".

But in the morning I usually don't. I like the cuddle time with her even if I'm focused on getting online and into my blogging page. That purring bundle is a good little charge for me.

Getting in the Flow #2

A few things are going really well right now. One is the environment I live and work in supports my creative and reflective abilities - Getting in the Flow #1 Another has to do with how I have been expressing my purpose and value.

That expression has altered both my professional attitude and results.

Getting in the Flow #1

This isn't going to be a "how to" post on what it takes to find that sweet spot we're after. Instead, I feel the need to reflect on the space I'm in. Especially as it applies to several things I have neglected until recently.

Today's post is addressing what has changed since my recent move. Tomorrow's post will address another neglected and now enjoyed piece of my life.

Those of you who know me well have heard me share my love of living downtown. The bustling activity, city that never sleeps (yea, not only New York can claim this!) and feeling of being in the middle of the action has a real pull.

And then a month ago we moved away from downtown to be on the water in a private quarry/lake community full of mature trees and out-of-the way bird and geese activity.

Wow! The activity of nature is amazing. From cardinals to herons to a vulture we spotted over the weekend, camped out about 300 yards from the view of our balcony before it flew away with something in its talons.

Not only our cats are enjoying this activity. Each morning the chorus of bird song pulls me awake and alert to what it's really like to be in the flow. An introvert, I appreciate connecting with nature and letting my mind find fluidity. When living downtown, I didn't have this ability. Now that I do, I see the difference in my state of mind.

Yesterday after a very productive day of presenting and networking, I took time to float in the quarry. I have an upcoming Effective Communication series the local bar association is sponsoring and need to flesh out the perameters of each CLE session. The predominant thought in my head was to ruminate over each while in the water.

I donned my swimsuit, grabbed my water noodle, and swam out into the central area of the quarry to let my thoughts go wild. It works! My thoughts shaped the design of each session, offered co-presenter possibilities, and then when I went to last night's networking event, I began sharing these thoughts and found even more ideas flowing from others.


Now I see that my mental focus and clarity is tied to my natural surroundings. I feel so in the flow! Can you relate?

Separate Rote Learning from Meaningful Delivery

Yesterday's post, Meaningful vs. Rote Delivery, opened the idea that speakers often act unenthused.

Where does this come from?

One of the places it comes from is our habits with memorization. Many speakers practice for familiarity/memorization of their message and fall into rote memorization and delivery patterns.

In school we were taught mathematics patterns through flashcards, scientific theories through rote memorization and delivery. Spelling bees were another case for quick responses, minus the emotional delivery.

We were rewarded when we got it right, encouraged to speed up with the next response.

Each of these cases encouraged us to memorize answers. Although through repetition and song we created long-term learning (our ABC's, for example) for most of us, the rote memorization was to help us past short term learning exercises.

Yet when it comes to influencing people, rote memorization falls short. Quick, unenthusiastic delivery creates little engagement from the jury and the court, or from those listening to a sales pitch or sitting in  a classroom.

If your expertise is invested in subjects that required rote memorization, adjust your patterns when you need to influence. Learn through quick repetitive measures, yet when speaking about the information, slow down and attach meaning.

Meaningful vs. Rote Delivery

It's graduation season.

Recall the graduation ceremonies you have been to when you listened  to boring speakers. Because each ceremony easily has a dozen or more speakers at the podium, we really only have to consider the last ceremony we have attended that bored us.

It's because most speakers read their delivery AND/OR don't really care about what they are saying. Then someone stands up who cares, gives a meaningful delivery and that's when we pay attention.

Rote delivery is the speaking or memorizing of information when we care less about what we are saying. Either we aren't attached to the information, we are in a hurry or simply distracted. Rote delivery puts people to sleep, or at least sends listeners on a quick vacation.

Not so with meaningful delivery. When a speaker presents this way, they are enthused about what they have to say and who they are with.  They care.

Want people on a mental vacation when you are speaking? No? Then give them meaningful delivery. Audience members will nod, smile, get curious and really appreciate that you gave energy and enthusiasm to your message!

Pull it Forward

On Fridays I enjoy having no appointments, especially as it helps me recall the mission of my work. See post titled Remember the Why. It's important for us entrepreneurs and introverts to recall our mission regularly and then pull it forward into our week.

Where Do You Draw the Lines?

My typical mode of operation includes no appointments on Friday. This allows me to stay diligent with administrative tasks of planning, preparation, scheduling and follow up with proposals, presentations or programs. So when it comes to scheduling meetings on Fridays, especially in the late afternoon, I draw the line.

Yet there are times I will bend it.

• a client/prospect has an already scheduled group meeting that day they invite me to attend to seek counsel
• my monthly business accountability meeting with my master mind group
• an out of town appointment that can be tied to an out of town engagement with my band

We each need to know where we draw our lines because when we forget - or when we don't draw them - we get frustrated with ourselves. And this leads to losing the path.

Where do you draw the lines?

Define your boundaries and you define your operational values. Also define how/when you will bend them so you establish your flexibility muscle.

Can't speak up in time? Try this.

Consider the last time you were attending a meeting.

One of the agenda topics gets a few comments from other attendees, then a conclusion is reached and the facilitator moves on to the next topic. More comments are shared. Now you reach a point in your head that you wish you had expressed on the earlier topic. What do you do? For fear of looking like you waited too long to speak up, you say nothing.

If you are an introvert, like I am, this happens to you a lot. We introverts routinely think things through longer before we share our thoughts.

In meeting environments there isn't time for us introverts to think. Comments must be shared now so we can move on to the next point.

Save yourself the frustration with this one simple tip:

Get the meeting agenda ahead of time.

With the agenda in advance you can review the items to be discussed, give quality time to your experiences and/or understanding of them, consider the questions you have and the ideas you wish to share.

Meetings are times to demonstrate what we think. Don't give up this chance.

We introverts don't demonstrate much if we don't speak up. But if we have taken the time to think about the topics prior, we can get to the sharing point before the facilitator has moved on.

Want to speak up? Help yourself by giving yourself necessary time to think things through.

Remember the WHY

It's Friday, the most common day of the week to forget why we are in the business we are in. On a day like today it's often easier to remember what we are doing outside of the work day - through the weekend.

Yet for many of us, the anxiety of not following through with tasks outside our comfort zone that are crucial in our career leads us to search for distraction.

It is for this reason we must remember why we made the commitment to our profession in the first place. This gives us something to celebrate through the weekend and motivate our Monday energy.

Answer this question. What made you chose your profession?

Sure, the logical reason may have more to do with the pay and benefits. But what's the emotional reason? Why law? Why sales? Why research? Why serve the people?

The question is really asking - what's your story? Get to the heart of it. Then enjoy your weekend.

The Value of Just Hiding Out

Last night I went to a networking event that I almost talked myself out of. I had a full day of work without appointments, so it was a temptation not to follow through with the evening event.

After a full day of focused work from home, why get showered and dressed for an hour or so?

Fortunately, after I received the invitation to attend the networking event, I invited about 6 others to join me there. That got me going. And like in most cases, once I was there, I was glad to have made connection with several new contacts.

But this morning I am once again glad to be appointment-less until noon. That's when it hits heavy - 4 appts in a row, including another evening event.

Here is why I am glad to have nothing in my schedule.

There is value in hiding out.

Especially for the introvert, but even for the extrovert who values thinking and focus.

Like this morning, I need blocks of time to review an upcoming presentation, follow up on calls and emails and get my energy engaged for an afternoon of appointments. Planning time is the core of my foundation. Without it, I get out of sorts, lose track of my focus and feel purposeless.

Another reason for hiding out may sound strange to the extrovert - we introverts lose energy with each personal contact we make. Time alone gives us the opportunity to recharge while we prepare for what lies ahead with future contacts. In service-related industries we are at our best when we are fully recharged.

Do you have stacks of appointments scattered throughout your schedule? Schedule chunks of time to hide out. It will give you planning, preparation and even the energy you need to handle and enjoy them.

The More Difficult the Conversation, the Greater Use of Your Gifts

Lately I have been talking with law firm managing partners, business developers, recruiters/career coaches and others in professional service industries - all around the common denominator of handling/not handling difficult conversations.

These conversations include but are not limited to

• interviewing/firing
• sales/purchasing
• conflict resolution
• negotiation/argument strategy
• admitting error/holding others to account

It seems the tougher the conversation, the more practiced we must be in using our gifts.

The Value of Understanding Yourself

This morning I had difficulty getting out of bed, and even more difficulty keeping up with my workout partner while we were out walking.

Several years ago I was monitoring my tennis playing technique and realized it takes me forever to leave the service line after I serve to my opponent. I spend so much time in analysis that I have analysis paralysis.

Move! I finally told myself.

So this morning, once we were on the return from our workout, I felt better and was moving faster. Although I will never be someone to jump out of bed consistently or to speed into an activity, I will get up and get out. It just takes me awhile to get going.

Knowing this, I can coach myself into setting boundaries that allow for a slow start. For instance, I like attending networking events early on. There is less activity, so it's easier to engage than later when activity is high - especially for us introverts who get turned off by high energy in these unstructured events.

Similar to lying in bed awhile after my alarm goes off, I don't immediately jump into the networking game but take my time.

I also allow myself to get used to things before I expect too much out of myself. I am usually slow to win at sports or cards until I have played several hands or spent some time warming up. This tells me I must also warm up prior to a presentation. I don't wish to waste the introduction warming up.

But if I'm playing tennis, I must tell myself to focus on moving. Similarly, movement out of my seat where I work on my computer, into public places for meetings, and to the telephone to return calls is best handled with little delay. Otherwise, I lose the ability to position myself to receive from others.

What do you know about your own patterns? How can you make use of this knowledge? You may find it's not easy analyzing yourself, so ask someone else what they observe about you. Don't be surprised by how right they are.

Understanding yourself allows you to value who you are, how you are and then to make good use of this knowledge. What you learn about yourself is key to how well  you communicate with others.

Tips for Handling Toxic Environments

It seems I keep running into environments where stress is a killer for the employee. Not as in coffin or cremate, but at least regarding sense of isolation and anxiety and lack of recognition or support. In some of these cases, it does translate into loss of life, because it becomes loss of self. What this does to the individual is strip them of pride, distract them from their skills and repeatedly miscommunicate their lack of ability.

Introverts and Extroverts Value Their Contacts

Who are you connecting with this week?

My Master Mind groups this month have been focusing on their key contacts for business and relationship development.

It is common strategy for pipeline development to make a certain number of calls weekly, seeking
face time with those in the position to make decisions on the services we offer.

Although it isn't a particularly favorite task of many introverts, picking up the phone to stay in touch is beneficial. Not only does it give us practical skills in conversation development and getting to the point, it helps us exercise our rapport-building strategies while leading to appointment development.

Valoria Hoover, past Ohio Women's Bar Association president and co-founder of the OWBA Foundation, says "An attorney does nothing for themselves. You represent others, so you must know others." Getting outside of our selves and reaching out to others for support, feedback and assistance are key to practice development, no matter your introvert/extrovert temperament.

Staying connected is key. Whether through email or phone calls, we must schedule time with others. While it shows how much we value those we spend time with, it also helps us fine-tune our understanding of their circumstances and needs.

Who are you reaching out to, today?

With a Little Help from my Friends

As we consider the relationships around us, key relationships and those who are dear to us, we rightly value our impact on them. Do we also value their impact on us?

Just this week, several individuals have shared both concerns and successes regarding friends and doing business.

One had taken the difficult step (in his mind) of reaching out to individuals of long-standing relationship to seek advice/assistance while prospecting. On telling his success he shared the observation that the situation wasn't nearly as difficult or cumbersome as he expected.

"But of course," were the responses of several of his friends. "I would be glad to help." What a relief after he had anticipated hesitation and possible loss of friendship.

Another individual shared a need to take care in handling a possible opportunity for purchasing a friend's business. "This is new to me," he offered. "Not only have I never bought a business before. I want to do right by my friend. This is one of my biggest challenges right now."

How do you feel when asking friends to help with business or business connections?

I was at a women's leadership luncheon yesterday which focused on the theme of Asking. One of the presenters suggested, "When we ask, we allow giving to happen". The same is when we ask friends for advice, support, assistance whether in business or personal matters.

Take care with these relationships, yet while taking care, trust that you have the relationship to ask for help. The Beatles, your mother, your boss and your friends will appreciate it.

Are You Practiced or Engaging?

How is your delivery with the routine things you say? Practiced or engaging?

I used to be a BNI member when I was in business in Toledo.

The idea was each week we would have something different to say about ourselves and our work, opening the minds of those in the room to how they could remember us between meetings for referring business our way.

To get this result, we needed to work at our 60-second introduction.

What Your Audiences Fear #2

Yesterday's post addressed the number one fear of audiences - speakers wasting their time. Today's fear is a very close second.

Audiences fear when we speakers focus on things they don't understand.

As a past high school teacher, I remember the number of times I did this in my own classroom. It's painful for students to sit through a class feeling unaware. Emotionally they are left with a complex of not feeling smart enough.

Can you relate to my high school students, listening to a presenter who speaks over your head? Who uses jargon or language you don't understand? Who gets carried away with information or stories you cannot relate to? Then you know first-hand the problem associated with audience fear #2 - feeling left out.

What this leads to is frustration, anger, exasperation and sometimes even hostility. It comes from feeling trapped listening to something that makes us feel inadequate. We presenters don't want audiences responding this way. It's stressful enough just getting in front of audiences.

We want to make the most out of our time with audiences, getting signs of reflection or approval, even participation.

So if we introverts are the presenters, consider how often we get emotionally overwhelmed when presenting that we only focus on what we know, forgetting the audience. That's when the spigot is turned on and our presentation flows on and on from an endless supply of information that often makes our listeners feel they are facing a fire hose. We have blasted them with information. Now they must defend themselves by throwing questions our way or escaping.

We presenters must make ourselves clear.

We presenters not only must relate to our audiences, we must remember that any time we are addressing them, we must connect what they know to what we know and from there move forward to inform or motivate.

Notice the order here: connect what they know to what we know. This order defers to our listeners first and then respectfully connects their world to ours. Not the other way around.

The first order of business for us presenters to defer focus to an audience is to discover their world, relevant to the presentation topic. Discovering the world of others may not be usual for an introvert, yet using our research and analytical abilities, it is in our skill set. While it puts our value on hold temporarily, deferring to our audience creates a relationship that leads us to be highly valued.

Therefore, we presenters must connect our audience circumstances to our topic. From there we presenters have a connection with our audiences that keeps them from escaping, instead, focused on familiar territory and following your lead.

Remove this second most common audience fear and make yourselves clear!

What Your Audiences Fear

When I first started speaking in front of attorneys, I feared they would not value topics in communication.

Why? I didn't relate to their world. Their training, their intelligence, their experiences all seemed a world apart from mine. Could I position the value I experience in such a way as to relate to them? If not, I would be wasting their time.

Fortunately I quickly learned several ways to relate to attorneys, and therefore, I learned how to NOT waste their time.

The number one fear of our very important listeners is we will waste their time.

Stand Up for Confidence

My mentor has me reading the book, Selling to VITO, the Very Important Top Officer by Anthony Parinello. Full of perspective on how to think, behave and speak like a top officer, Parinello echoes what I have heard others say about boosting your confidence level - stand up.

When it's Time to Uproot

One of the things that shakes my values is the Bible.

This isn't going to be a rant on religion or Christianity - simply a focus on everything being acceptable. I hope you get my point in a few minutes.

 If you are a regular reader, you know that about 5 days ago we moved, because I focused a post on the impact of clutter.

But today I am recalling what it takes to shift from being settled to unsettled and then finding our way back to becoming settled again - until next time.

Getting uprooted is a true test of my values.

What's the Plan?

Today is Friday, typically a planning day for me. It's the day I catch up with my communication,  account for my recent appts, look ahead at my next week so I can create a strategy for being prepared for it, and gather information tied to presentation requests. It's a big day full of focused, proactive tasks.

I love Fridays.

I don't mix appointments into my Fridays, for that disrupts the discipline and follow-through of too many pieces of my work. On Fridays I see where my impact has been, I discover what lies ahead and get motivated for future activity.

Yesterday I talked about purpose (Bold or Purposeful?), recalling our talents and desire to use them. If you ask yourself, "What am I good at? What are my gifts/talents?" you get affirmation of value.

But don't stop there. Purpose is strengthened when tied to planning.

Create a system of follow-through so you continue to see your work in action. This leads to a routine that, although inflexible, creates integrity. Decide how often you need to step back for reflection and which questions you will ask yourself.

After I ask myself about my talents and how I have used them, I ask
"What do I need to do to exceed the expectations of others?"

For business' sake, this drives my ability to follow-through with my systems. For relationship sake, this creates interest, respect and leads to trust. For humility's sake, this affirms my purpose.

When do you track your progress and focus on your goals? What's your system? What's the plan?

Bold or Purposeful?

There was a time when my eyes were opened to my own selfishness.

Now a member of a Presbyterian church, I have contributed in church services with my artistic talents, namely my acting/singing skills. But growing up in a strict Lutheran church, I learned to keep my talents hidden so as to not brag on them.

Although I was encouraged to join choir, a group activity, I was led to believe doing any solo or individual work was bragging. This belief gripped my activity for a great number of years - is actually still a hard one to shake lose from my psyche.

Hoping to be able to use my gifts in my Presbyterian setting when others appreciate their value, I first want to be recognized, invited to do something with them, and then I willingly share.

Then came the day someone mentioned I should offer these gifts on my own - not await being asked.

"But isn't that being too bold?" I responded.

"Bold?" they questioned. "Quite the opposite. Without your offering them, you are holding back. Consider your gifts as part of your tithing, part of your purpose here in the church. If you await being asked to share, you aren't willingly contributing."

Wow. This opened my eyes to purpose with my God-given talents.

It's not about me - being asked. It's about motivation to give and to serve.

What are your gifts and talents? Do you wish you would be asked to speak or to lead a group? Are you quick with design, with organization, with host or hostessing? Consider your gifts, and then consider how often you use them.

Do you share them willingly, or do you await being asked? You may have thought it too bold to offer your skills or creativity without being asked to, yet in many cases, folks don't know better. They may not know to ask for your service. But you do. Not using them is squandering them. This is selfish.

Without sharing our gifts, we demonstrate our selfishness. Share your gifts. You will enjoy doing so and so will countless others.

Why We Introverts Must Learn to Ask

One of my hardest lessons in life has been asking for help.

I recall times during my high school years I would attend county fairs with friends with a limited amount of money in my pocket. So much to do with a little bit of money - eat great foods, ride thrilling rides or play games of skill.

I would walk my frugal self around, trying to decide where to give up my funds. Usually my parents where also on the fair grounds, so if I ran out of money, I could always ask for more. But I knew I wouldn't. Instead of deciding to buy all that I wanted, I would have to decide which were my priorities.

Being frugal with money is one thing. Being frugal with time is something different. This has been a relatively recent discovery.

2 Tips after a Job Well Done

We are constantly growing or falling backwards.

So  it stands to reason that any time we speakers/performers feel we have done well in front of an audience, whether accomplishing our intent (entertain, persuade, inform, call to action, etc.) or surviving the event unscathed, we are most ready for constructive feedback.

I used to hear from a basketball coach, Don't spend time dwelling on your accolades. That's the time you are most susceptible and vulnerable.

You can imagine the humiliation, when on a basketball court, just after an exciting slam dunk to capture the lead - the momentum in the air is contagious - the scoring team is answered by a slick offense that captures a three-pointer within seconds. Bummer. They just fell backward.

No time for dwelling on the past - stay present to the moment.

Speakers take note: Look around at what else is needed.

The audience will have questions or they will want advice. They have already moved on and want to take next steps based on your topic. Don't dwell on accolades - stay in the present.

Whether a presentation goes well or not, it's time to get constructive feedback.

But we are all most open to it when we believe we are worthy of it. So when things go well, look for ways to improve.

• Where were the areas of relevance
• where were the areas of confusion
• what else did individuals want to know about

After a job well done, there is more work to do. Move forward and grow.

Introverts, Get Up and At'em!

Back when I was teaching and directing HS theatre, I had to emphasize to students during show weeks the need to get up early on Saturdays. 

Often Friday night shows would go well. Students had been up early enough to get to school on time, had their metabolisms engaged and by showtime they were fully alert and ready to go.

But if they slept in on Saturday morning, especially into the afternoon, they were sluggish.

The Impact of Clutter

In 6 days I am moving.

Imagine, if you will, what my current home looks like, if in 6 days I am moving. Do you see disaray, boxes, footpaths through one room and into another?

I do.

There are grocery store boxes we are repurposing, piles for Goodwill, box tape, packed and stashed containers and furniture up-ended.

Although the walls are bare now, the floor is full.

And the cats are in a tizzy. Or at least tuckered out from skeedaddling in and around the chaos.

It's not only affected the cats.

I have been ineffective when trying to get up in the mornings and now I know why. This disaray has drained our energy.

Although we have been working on this move for a few months now, with the organizing, scheduling, patching, painting and pitching, the majority of the work is still ahead.

Physically and mentally our energy has shifted from the usual day-to-day to the unusual. How many times does a person move in a lifetime? (Well in my case, more than a dozen.) This unusual energy expense is draining, but chiefly due to the clutter.

Clutter saps us. If there is one thing we can do about refueling energy, it is to get rid of clutter.
6 days and counting...

Keep 2 Hands on the Wheel

I have to admit - I find it easier to drive on the highway when I keep 2 hands on the wheel.

One hand off while handling my cell phone or something else creates a noticeable difference.

• Either my anxiety level goes up
• my neck stiffens
• my foot shifts off the accelerator or
• mycar's path shifts

And that's only the beginning.

When both my hands are on the steering wheel my anxiety drops and my focus improves. Yet why do I still pick up my coffee or check my messages or pull out a cd or even try to eat, while I am driving?

I get distracted. And when this happens, not only does my mind wander. My physical behaviors
follow suit.

Can you relate to driving this way? I hope not. If you can, hopefully you get back on track easier than I do.

The same is the case when I "get behind the wheel" in business. As an entrepreneur, I take the wheel of my business every day.

Some days I take short trips, other days I am in it for a duration. When both hands are on the wheel, I arrive at the end of a business day enthused, proud of my activity.

To keep 2 hands on the business wheel, I must keep two things in mind:

1. Motive - On the one hand, why am I doing this work?

2. Sacrifice - On the other hand, what will it take?

Without motive, I lag behind, allowing distraction to chart my course. Without sacrifice, I either cry victim or give up too easily.

Hopefully at least one hand is on the wheel of my business, yet with only one hand on, I get off course.

When two hands are on, when I am remembering the motivation and what it takes to follow through with it, my business moves forward purposefully. My energy is focused on what is important instead of what distracts me. My behavior follows suit.

I discover it's easier to make progress when I deliberatly consider the motivation and sacrifice. And folks around me welcome this.

Can you relate?

It's safe to keep two hands on the wheel while on the road. And it's healthy for your business to keep two hands on the road through your daily activities.

Here's to safe driving!

What Works for You?

One of my clients, Amy, recently revealed a hilarious, if not startling, mindshift. She is the same one who has proclaimed her distaste for selling.

"I now have started my prospecting, but I no longer see it that way."

Her serious demeaner showed a glimpse of a smirk coming through. Clearly, she was having fun.

"I now think of sales as nothing more than a dating relationship. So when it comes to prospecting, what I realize I'm doing is stalking. I love stalking. I am really getting into this sales thing now!"

Do you hate selling? Do what Amy does. Reframe your thinking by making it something you love.

Maybe you are more the researcher, perhaps the scientist. Discovery or experimentation would be the approach you'd take. Maybe you're the private investigator. If so, let your gumshoe tactics kick into gear.

Apply the activity you enjoy to your selling and you will find yourself in a different mindset, motivated. Just a friendly piece of advise.

Introverts can rise above it all

One of my favorite childhood TV shows was The Flying Nun, starring Sally Field. Quirky and fun, I loved how the introverted main character defied the odds of daily life in the abby, and smirked through her challenges with a tilt into the wind and willingness to "rise above it all".

Similar to Maria in the Sound of Music, Field's character captured my imagination with relentless surprise through her willingness to explore. Isn't it funny that Sally Field in real life would say,

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. ~Sally Field

Confidence is an exercise in accepting the stuff we are made of , and letting that give us a lift.

It helps us stand up, speak up and sit down.

What will it help you do today?

It's Okay to Get Feedback

Several of my clients as well as many in my network are on the speaking "circuit". Whether they are the thought-leaders in their industry or just commonly called on to provide entertaining and informative content, they regularly get on a platform (webinar, panel discussion, presenter, workshop leader) to present content.

One of the ways I have been serving my community is by requesting a chance to observe them. I get new stories for my presentation coaching, I gain respect and admiration for their styles and I put myself in the position to affirm and support them.

In most of these cases I am observing introverts. Is there a reason they respond more willingly? I don't know. I do know they want me in their audiences because they usually want to continue speaking and desire development tips.

Regardless of whether they are introvert or extrovert, it's obvious they want to distinguish themselves from the rest.

Times I have been told to observe folks who didn't solicit it themselves, I have had some pushback. Unless they are really good speakers already. Those who pursue speaking are quick to introduce me as their speaking coach. Those who don't appreciate my attendance tend to create distance from me or not let on to others what my expertise is.

It is okay to seek feedback. Especially when you know you will get better, but beyond that, when you know not only will you learn something, you will be affirmed as well.

Here's a challenge for you:

Before your next talk, seek feedback. Find someone (or a small group of someones) willing to listen and observe. Ask them what they liked and what they suggest. You will gain, immeasureably. You will be affirmed, inspired and motivated.

It's okay to get feedback.

Could you just quiet down?

We introverts have an internal meter that automatically kicks into gear in public spaces. It is a mechanism that alerts us to behavior insensitive to our temperament - when people are too loud.

I live in a loft downtown Columbus. Like most public housing, hallway noise and noise within the units are apparent to those around me. So out of respect for the other residents, most of the time I keep my noise to a minimum.

I soften my walk on the hard floors, slow down activity in the kitchen when handling pots and pans, am cautious of drawer and door sounds. Talking out loud is usually handled in my "6-inch" or personal space voice.

All this behavior supports my need for quiet, so in reverse, I suspect there are others like me who appreciate the same standards.

Whether we are early-morning or late-night people, there will be the times when noises will escape us. But within a few minutes, I can tell whether someone is respectful of those around them or not.

If not, that's when the common courtesy question is handy to use:

"Excuse me, you probably don't realize I'm having difficulty hearing/sleeping/working with the noise in your area. Would you please lower the noise level?"

No, people will not read our mind. Yes, we can influence others' behavior. When your internal noise meter goes off, wait to see if the noise level persists. If it does, speak up and ask for quiet.

Introverts, Tip to Make the Conversation Easier

One of my clients, an extrovert in many ways, has difficulty with owning authority. Like most of us, she doesn't want to appear too pushy, so she naturally defers to avoiding some useful conversations. A common situation for most of us, this avoidance leads to her having some complicated situations with direct reports.

When she shared the situation with me, I asked, "Are you willing to have a conversation to address this with your direct report?"

"Well, I know I should, but I don't want to come across the wrong way."

How many of us can relate to this?

For us introverts, the constant voice in our head asks the question, "What will they think?", especially when we are facing a difficult conversation.

Meeting Management Requires Interruption

We introverts struggle with injecting ourselves into conversation. In earlier posts I have focused on meeting participation. Today let's focus on how to guide the conversation when you are the meeting facilitator. Not a smooth task, yet one that requires both courage and calm to interject and set the tone.

Do you wait for the lull before interjecting?
Many of us prefer this, for it allows us to feel we are respecting conversers. However, we who run meetings see how quickly things steer off-track. If we were to wait for a lull in conversation, we may be disrespecting the meeting's intention and structure, offending those who wish we would just get the focus back on track.

Instead of waiting for the lull, interrupt.

How to interrupt:
1. Ask for the segue.
"I think I’m missing something here, can you explain how this relates back to..." and then fill in the track the conversation had steered from.

2. Seek permission.
"Do you mind if we stay focused on [the topic at hand] for this discussion?”

3. Use body language.
I might put my hand out or even stand up, indicating it’s time to pass the conversation on to another individual. Usually this requires saying as much as well.

4. Simply state the need to get back on track.
"Thank you for that, (give person's name). Now let's move on to...."

There is no need to apologize for directing the conversation. As soon as we begin apologizing, we have shifted the focus again. Keep things moving forward with the confidence that it's important to do so. Most people appreciate it.

Meeting managers who guide conversation

• respect others' time
• respect the focus of the meeting
• demonstrate their willingness to lead

Aren't these values of the introvert? Push forward with the interruption!

Get the Power

Yesterday I had my second meeting with my mentor, a powerful relationship which started just two weeks ago. Going into the meeting I was excited, for I remembered the feeling I had at the end of our first meeting. At that point I was thrilled.

My mentor, Jim, had given me a way to focus what I was already doing into a system which would make my business so much easier. I immediately went to work on refining it, sent him my system and heard constructive feedback.

In the meantime, Jim send me the focus for our second meeting. I couldn't wait for the second meeting. And just as I had anticipated, the second meeting proved just as thrilling. Again I have homework that will benefit my focus and business.

When we are on our own trying to figure things out, we come really close to getting it right. We know what we want and like scientists, we test out several ways of getting it. Yet that feeling of self-doubt affects us introverts, so our motivation is weakened which slows down our progress.

We need fuel that powers us into action and keeps us motivated in our efforts.

One element of my fuel is my master mind group. This collection of business owners is a support team, an advisory board and a team of cheerleaders all wrapped into one. With monthly meetings in a defined agenda, each of us offer our newest successes and challenges for discussion. From this we get discusions that create synergy we leverage for solutions toward our success.

The second element of my fuel is my mentor. From my mentor I get weekly guidance on circumstances I am addressing and systems to support the strategy.

My personal fuel tank runs dry quickly when I rely only on my own perspective with my ideas. But the fuel additives of my master mind group and mentor keep me running with a power that eases me into focus which sustains the long haul.

If you don't have that kind of power, get it.

Introverts, Now Make Something Happen

I really love introverts. We go deeper and get more involved in the meaning of and importance of things than others do. Yet sometimes we forget to do something about it.

I've been there, too. I pour myself into a topic, sit for hours in front of my laptop doing the due diligence, make notes, get excited about my thoughts and ideas and then find my legs start jumping up and down. It's at that point that I know it's time to do something about what I've learned.

It's time to act.

Introverts can Go for the No, Plan for the Yes

In a Leadership for Life course, I was once given instruction to see how many times I could ask a question that could be answered by "No".

"Get 10 No's a day" was the recommendation. Really?? I hate it when people say NO!

Many thought this bizarre - why would we want to ask questions that seek a "no" response?

Aren't we better off playing toward the "yes"?

But I knew exactly where this was going - I could sense it based on who I am.

I hardly ever asked questions that could potentially get "no" answers. Those were too uncomfortable. My introverted experiences with getting "no" shut me down. Just thinking about this made these huge vibrations go off in my brain - "You can't handle NO!"

So when this course instructor said to get 10 no's a day, I realized that was the best advice I could get for stepping out of my comfort zone, eventhough I hated it.

I began asking silly things of waiters - "may I have more water?" soon was followed with "could we have more rolls, too?" "Would you please divide up our checks separately?" and sometimes, "could I get this reheated?"

As I asked these questions, I felt  more authority.

I asked the questions with a smile on my face. In my intent to get 10 no's, I was getting only yes's. I couldn't believe it.

Then the asking transferred into my business dealings. "Would you be willing to make this connection for me?" "May I attend that networking event with you next time?" and then slowly I began making the bigger asks - "Based on what you want in communication support, does this fit with what you have in mind?"

I felt fully alive. Suddenly, like when I stand backstage before I perform with my band - I felt expectation and hope when sitting with a prospect. I loved it. I didn't know how the situation was going to turn out, but I knew I was prepared to accept it. Will they say no?

If so, I am that much closer to achieving my result of seeing how far I can go. But this was my business. Do I risk asking these tough questions? If so, I am leading. I am purposeful.

Can you relate?

If you can, it's hard for you to ask for the sale. It may be hard to get a co-worker to assist you. It may be hard to delegate or to pick up the call to seek an appointment.

Desensitize yourself by seeking No.

Although you don't plan to get the no, plan to ask questions that you otherwise woudn't ask for fear of getting no. Simply asking while desensitizing yourself from the fear.

Try it for 7 days - get 10 no's a day. Let me know what happens!

Believe or Don't Believe

On Easter Sunday, our minister made a startling point.

"It's not my job to convince you of anything today. Either you believe or you don't believe. But I am here to tell you what this day means to me."

And on he went with a series of stories about what it means to have Jesus with him on a daily basis.


Like Pastor Tim, I am not here to make believers out of anybody either - whether from a religious, a sales or a social issues perspective. All I can do is tell stories about what I believe in. And in my case, I believe it's worth it to believe in the gifts I have been given, - whether I'm an introvert or not - enough so that I speak up in timely ways.

6 Tips for Speaking Up

One of the hardest things for us introverts to manage is how to share the chatting in our head with those around us. We commonly observe, compare, judge, and wish we could voice our thoughts. But so often we don't. We are hording golden nuggets.

When We Are Deliberate

I used to direct an exercise called "Enter the Room" with actors as a reminder of human behavior in given locations.

"Enter the room as though you've never been there before."

"Now enter the room as though it's familiar."

"What changed?"

Usually the actors would shift from observation mode to purpose. For instance, in the first case they slow their movement, taking in the space from side to side, top to bottom, gently planning their next steps. Yet it is apparent they are tentative.

But if the space is familiar, they can skip that "taking in" and go right to their purpose for entering, whether to get a glass of water, to remove and place their jacket, to find someone they know in a particular place - you get the picture.

Knowing that our movement and activity communicate our relationship to a space and those around us, it makes sense that our purpose, comfort and confidence all at once show up. There's nothing more telling than someone's purposeful, deliberate action. Comfort and confidence show up when we are deliberate.

Consider the difference in what you are communicating if you enter the space where you are to present a talk if you've been there before vs. if the first time you enter is 15 minutes prior to your talk.
Your level of readiness and ease of movement set the tone for what your audience can expect of you. Without these, your confidence and comfort are slow to show up.

It doesn't take much to be deliberate - it's simply about gaining familiarity in advance so our focus can be on purpose rather than discovery. Confidence comes from practice, including practice in getting to the right place, knowing who to ask for details and how to move forward. When we are deliberate we are focused, and so are those who notice.

When Meetings Follow the Rules

I recall a time I presented a topic to a firm's practice group when the firm administrator was present. He sat off to the side where he could gain an advantage of being in the room while also witnessing the participation of others during his scrutiny of me. He is a conscientious rule follower, especially one desiring the meeting facilitator conduct efficient meetings. So he was particularly interested in discovering how I would hold true to my own agenda.

As the meeting facilitator it behooves me to demonstrate both flexibility and structure so everyone's time is well-spent. Especially the introvert's.

In the Flow Presentations

Ever feel as though you are the only one who has enjoyed the flow of your topic? After stepping away from your audience, if people say to you, "I can tell you enjoy presenting," think about whether you let them enjoy your topic too.


One of the things I have learned as a presenter is the Rule of Thirds. It came to me years after I had first stepped into high school classroom training, but just soon enough to make a difference for my adult audiences. It has to do with adult learning styles. We adults learn based on three different things.

Social Pressures at Work

This morning I attended an executive breakfast that included a presentation in team building techniques for effectiveness.

Ironically, I had just read Susan Cain's chapter, When Collaboration Kills Creativity from her book, Quiet. The gist I took from Cain's chapter is, it's okay to encourage collaboration, but add a healthy dose of individual, uninterrupted work to the mix. Yet from this morning's presentation I felt the introvert's need for quiet and focused individual work is forgotten in most work environments.

Sales are not Tim's Gum

One eye-opening experience I had in first grade taught me a lesson about human nature that has stayed with me today. A fellow classmate, Tim - a timid and honest boy- had drifted off into his head, away from the lesson. Our teacher, Mrs. Showalter, noticed this. To bring him back into the moment with the rest of us, she simply called him by name.

"Tim," Mrs. Showalter said.

"Gum," was his immediate response as his face turned crimson.

"Excuse me?" Mrs. Showalter remarked, her eyes big and her mouth almost laughing.

We first-graders watched Mrs. Showalter regain her composure and stole looks at Tim as he covered his mouth, wondering whether Mrs. Showalter had discovered he was chewing gum in class before he confessed.

"Gum", Tim repeated.

"I see. You have gum in your mouth. Tim, would you please remove the gum from your mouth and throw it away? I believe it's time you pay attention again."

"Yes, ma'm."

We watched Tim slide out of his desk, pull the gum from his mouth and saunter to the wastebasket, hanging his head. Sheepishly he deposited the gum and apologized. "I'm sorry, ma'm." Whether he was sorry he brought attention to his crime or really sorry he attempted to chew gum in class, we don't know.

I have a feeling Tim was not enjoying his stick of gum, having to chew it on the sly, hoping dear Mrs. Showalter didn't discover it. That stick of gum probably lost its flavor quickly.

Here is what I learned. Whatever bothers us stays so top of mind that we cannot focus on anything but it. As a result, we teeter between being stuck in our head with or blurting out those things causing us pain.

Confidence in Asking

When I started observing jury trials to coach attorneys in confidence and influence, I enjoyed watching opposing attorney communication style and quickly learned a few key things. In general, those who were prepared - mentally and logically - demonstrated the most confidence. But I was thrown by the shift in a confident lawyer's approach when he/she switched from the prepared questions to the follow-ups.

Any good attorney will say, "never ask a question you don't know the answer to". But great ones know there are times to ask the questions you don't know the answer to. During voir dire.

Do you understand them, individually?
Like someone pitching a sale, attorneys need to use the process "Seek to understand and then to be understood" during the jury selection/deselection process. This means get the jurists, like prospects, to talk. Introverts, this is something you can be really good at. The more others talk, the less you have to.

When giving sales pitches or demonstrations with my audiences, I have failed if all I do is seek a show of hands. Equally poor is a well-placed question to a jurist without appropriate follow-up. Is it better to know or not to know someone's bias? If it's better to know, - and of course it is - then it's appropriate to dig deeply enough to uncover a bias during voir dire.

Follow your instincts. Practice asking the tough questions. Discover what's being covered up. Seek to understand those who have the power to decide your case. Introverts, if you need to take a moment to word the next question, simply state, "give me just a moment". Do not move on without asking it. Extroverts, remember your time asking questions about the jury is not about you. Seek to understand those deciding your case.

The confidence we have in asking the tough questions is proportionate to the respect and admiration onlookers will have for us. If our questions lead to uncomfortable candidate moments during voir dire, selection/deselection is that much easier. You need to know who is going to give you the best hearing.

Begin Practicing Today
So put into practice today your willingness to follow up with meaningful questions. Choose people on which to practice this process. Those close to you, who understand your career, could be ones to regularly test your skills on. Get comfortable with following your instincts and asking the deeper, more insightful questions.

The more confident you are in asking the difficult questions, the more influential you will be. Your case, and maybe your client, depends on it.

Pushing Forward

On this day of the week when it's common to drag ourselves slowly out of bed, into the day and into focus, I am reminded of a move I made to begin pushing my own barrier out of the way. Some of you may have read that I have been a student of the National Speaker Association's Protrack VI class in Ohio, a class that one of my classmates calls "the MBA for professional speakers".

Through the 8-month course we students have examined not only our speaker style, our message and our business strategy. We have also seen the number of ways we could step out into new territory with our business and our own professional speaking practice. This examination - common to many professionals who strive to remain purposeful - though fearful, is also motivating. So much so that I called upon one of the instructors to mentor me. And the double-edged sword answer is, he said yes.

When Pressured, Pivot

When I played high school basketball, I was very ineffective. Although I could shoot, pass and dribble, I hadn't developed the skill of responding to defenders. I never learned the art of pivoting.

Without this, I was often cornered, trapped or forced to lose the ball. I wasn't considered first string, for my ineffective handling of pressure was a contributor.

This memory comes to mind because recently someone in my network was talking about her need to pivot when handling tough situations. And I realized it is often in need in cases unfolding at trial. Attorneys may be generally good at case preparation, but if either side feels pressure, stress ensues and their influence is hampered. However, if they respond to the pressure by pivoting, they create enough time and space for themselves to resume their drive.

Recognize these Witnesses?

Want a break from the usual pressures of litigation?

These witnesses you don't want to have to control...but you may like their outcome! Check out the video included in this post. I hope you enjoy it!

I have spent too many hours in the courtroom NOT to enjoy this Larry, Curly and Moe clip of antics called Disorder in the Court.

Curiosity only Kills the Cat

My yellow-haired cat, Amber, is generally the one I yell at. Caramel, Buddy and Frisbee (although their names sound suspicious) are fairly sanguine around the house. But Amber is forever searching and discovering, climbing and unearthing. She is a cat in motion.

Although this means she frequently topples things she examines, at times causing frustration, she - like the best attorneys for the defense - is fun to watch.

Before you step into your courtroom

Picture this:
Your left hand is on the pully of your briefcase, your eyes scanning the floor as you navigate around jurists or observers mingling in the hallway. You look up to see the nameplate attached to the wall outside the courtroom, the name revealing the judge chambered inside. Your heart does a momentary flip as you consider who has the power, the confidence, the influence inside these walls.  As your right hand reaches the handle on the door, you smile, remembering you have the power to influence. And today you are about to prove it.

Ever feel this way? If not, it's about time you do.